Abandoment Issues - Tumblr Posts
Trigger warning: s3lf h@rm
Feeling utterly alone
New wounds keep me company
Soon I’ll have little scar friends
They’ll never leave me
@pretty-prince-lulu with the safest sheepe in the world!
collection of posts for a very specific dynamic
People with abandonment issues either apologise for everything or will never apologise again as long as they shall live
There is no in between.
Comic on attachment issues. It’s kind of weird but I thought I’d post it.
Do you ever have that longing when all you want is to go home and be hugged by the person who makes it all feel better but then your stomach drops because you realise that you can’t picture where you want to go or who you want to be hugged by??
No? Just me?
Over time I've noticed that I reflexively do anything I can to make myself as small, unnoticeable, and unproblematic as possible.
This morning I sneezed and, like I always do, I apologized. She stopped folding her clothes and looked at me, face scrunched up and more confused than anything. She told me not to apologize for sneezing.
And that got to me, I guess? Like. I will apologize automatically for anything that makes my presence known.
Need to cough? Hold it in or cough quieter.
Gotta sneeze? Hold it or sneeze quieter.
Bleeding? Don't make a mess of anything but yourself.
One time I cut myself at work because someone put a knife in the dish water. It was bleeding pretty heavily, and of course it got on the floor. I apologized for getting blood on the floor as my manager was bandaging it. She sent my to Urgent Care, and on the way out, I apologized for "making" her short staffed.
I don't even know what I'm so intrinsically terrified of. Am I scared they'll think I'm a burden? That I'm too much to handle? That I'm an inconvenience? That they'll leave?
I would give it more thought, but it's one of those times when my memory's a fuzzy soup. It's hard to think about right now. I can't remember when it started or why. Or, maybe it wasn't one thing: maybe it was over time that my body decided that the only way to survive was to make sure I didn't exist. It's too hazy to know, and I'm scared to mull it over lest I fall into a hole and can't get back out.
I just can't remember, and part of me thinks I never will. But I think that I'll try my best not to apologize when I sneeze.
And I'm sorry if I'm being too pushy
I'm sorry if I'm coming off insane
I just need someone to turn to
When all my friends figure out
I'm not worth their time of day
So if you could just respond once
That would be great
And it's a felony in Florida
To own a fake ID
So tell me, am I guilty if I change...
If no one is near me?
I miss you.
I miss you so much
that somedays
...most days...
I can't
breathe.
I can only
scream and cry.
But after I found out
what you did...
What you've done...
What you've been doing...
I don't want you back.
Geralt and his mommy issues
Geralt was abandoned by his mom when he was just a child, leaving him with deep emotional scars. In the books, there are subtle yet significant references to how this abandonment shaped him, particularly his subconscious search for maternal warmth.
SoD:
"She treats you entirely like an object [...] and what you feel is a projection of her emotions, the interest she shows in you. By all the demons of the Netherworld, Geralt, you aren't a child [...] You trail after Yenna like a child, enjoying the momentary affection she shows you." - Istredd
BoE:
"Always on his side, aren't you, Nenneke? Always worrying about him. Like the mother he never had." - Yennefer
Tlotl:
"He maintained the appearance of secretiveness and pride. But at night he was completely in my power. He told me everything. He paid homage to my femininity, which considering his age was extremely generous, I must admit. And then he fell asleep. In my arms, with his mouth on my bosom. Searching for a surrogate for the maternal love he never experienced. Completely in my power." - Fringilla
This passage vividly illustrates Geralt's deep-seated need for maternal care, seeking comfort in a way that echoes the bond between a child and a mother 🥹
SoD:
"'Do you hate that woman, Geralt?' 'My mother? No, Calanthe. A choice should be respected, for it is the holy and irrefutable right of every woman.'"
Geralt’s response shows his complex feelings toward his mother, acknowledging her choice abt wanting to have a child or not, while also - what seems to me - revealing a deep, unresolved pain.
ToC:
"Listen to what?" shouted the Witcher, before his voice suddenly faltered. "I can't leave—I can't just leave her to her fate. She's completely alone... She cannot be left alone, Dandelion. You'll never understand that. No one will ever understand that, but I know. If she remains alone, the same thing will happen to her as once happened to me... You'll never understand that..." - Geralt about Ciri
Geralt’s fierce protectiveness over Ciri stems from his own experiences of abandonment. He is determined to shield her from the pain he endured.
Geralt and red heads:
Several times it's subtly hinted that Geralt has an inexplicable inclination toward redheads, that perhaps ties back to his unresolved issues with his mother.
SoS:
"Geralt felt an anxiety, forgotten and dormant, suddenly awaking somewhere deep inside him. He had a strange and inexplicable inclination towards redheads in his nature, and several times that particular colouring had made him do stupid things. Thus he ought to be on his guard, and the Witcher made a firm resolution in that regard. His task was actually made easier. It was almost a year since he'd stopped being tempted by that kind of stupid mistake."
Note what he felt when he encountered his mother before in SoD who has red hair:
"He looked again, making the most of the light. Her hair was tied back with a snakeskin band. Her hair... A suffocating pain in his throat and sternum. Hands tightly clenched into fists. Her hair was red, flame-red, and when lit by the glow of the bonfire seemed as red as vermilion."
The vivid description of his mother's flame-red hair and the intense emotional reaction it evokes in Geralt suggest that his attraction to redheads might be more than just a superficial preference. It could be a subconscious connection to the unresolved feelings of abandonment and longing for maternal warmth, linking his "inexplicable inclination" to deeper psychological roots.
What do you guys think?
Just thinking about Phil and Dil bonding over that they don't want to be abandoned by their sibling because nobody else would tolerate them sure they have friends and parents that care but that pales in comparison to the connection with their sibling
The urge to become evil and a lone wolf gets so bad sometimes but then I remember I have abandonment issues and then I cry
feeling very amelia shepherd today (abandoned)
Thought I had major abandonment issues but turns out I was just neglected lol
I’m so glad you didn’t show up and didn’t care…thanks. I feel so loved, totally not abandoned and unimportant. Love you too.
When I said I wanted a father figure, I didn't mean a sexual or romantic relationship. I just want a father figure. Some kind of relationship Ellie and Joel have in the last of us.
ever saw something that was a literal shot to your heart and cut deeper than ever, that constantly haunts you since that day and just can't shake it off/forget even if it happened several months ago, because it keeps creeping back or is it just me?
every time I accidentally catch them, they look so much happier around them and while talking to them..
and I just can't even watch it, because it makes my heart sink every single time. It feels awful to see that the person they talking with getting everything I have been begging for without them having to ask for it...
lunch break, everyone is sitting at the same table and you're the only one sitting alone. I mean, I wouldn't sit to them, but it would have felt good if they would have offer it rather then ignoring me...
never felt so alone...
it's so heartbreaking to see that they became cold towards you, they have fun without you and you just sit there and have to watch them while feeling awful and left out, unwanted, abandoned. And they don't even care about your existence anymore...they replaced you...
How we were
Summary:"I don't blame you for not loving me," Natasha whispered, her voice hoarse as she peered up at the woman who she once called her mother.
"I blame you for pretending you ever did.”
____☆____
A/N: This work was inspired by a prompt from Charlie_Balle who is literally my favourite Ao3 author <3
Tags: Angst, Abandonment issues, Arguing, Natasha needs a hug, Melina needs a hug, Emotional hurt/comfort.
W/C: 850
Link to fic on Ao3
Natasha steps out into the cold air of the night. It's supposed to be clearer out here, but she can't appreciate it with the weight on her chest. It stifled the constant thump thump that reminded her she was still here after so long.
Her mind won't let her rest, and being trapped in that farmhouse with Alexei and Melina isn't helping whatsoever. They seem determined to act as if no time has passed, as if their old lives were real.
When she called them out on their bullshit she'd upset Yelena. It wasn't her intent, but in hindsight she should've known there wouldn't have been a good reaction.
She hasn't been standing alone for ten minutes before she hears the back door open and shut. Their footsteps are too light to be Alexei's, and not quite deft enough to be Yelena's, leaving only Melina.
“You should really wear a jacket out here.”
Natasha simply scoffs and doesn't bother turning around, focusing on the dark outlines of the landscape and fog her breath creates.
At first Natasha tries to ignore her, but when she hears high pitched squealing from close by her curiosity overtakes her better judgement, and she follows the noise until she finds herself in front of Melina sat down bottle feeding a piglet.
It was... weird to see her in such a nurturing situation after everything. The last memory she had of Melina being so soft was in the backyard of their old home, comforting her little sister after a scraped knee when Natasha couldn't.
“It's mother rejected it.” Melina explains quickly, keeping her eyes on the small creature suckling aggressively. “I didn't crate her soon enough.” she mutters, mostly to herself.
The crickets and occasional frog fill in the silence between them. As well as the piglet’s oinks. She notices an empty crate nearby and decides to sit on it, the fatigue of the prison escape and half marathon to the farm creeping in on her.
Natasha remembers a lot of silences like these from years ago. With Yelena Melina had to constantly answer her endless array of questions, her curiosity of the word abundant. But with Natasha they could simply exist together and be content.
“So, this is what you do now, rescue orphaned piglets?” She asks, her eyes trained on the small thing with black patches of fuzz.
Melina doesn't answer for a moment, placing the bottle to the side once the gluttonous creature drains it. “My work is more important than that.”
The red-haired woman's anger is flared at the remark, but there's never any point arguing with her. When Natasha was younger any arguments were immediately shut down with an air of almost unquestionable authority and followed by an apology. Except when it came to Alexei, of course.
Finally, Melina looks up and at her daughter's face. So riddled with betrayal and hurt. A face she never thought she would see again.
“I did my best, Natasha. You know that I had no choice.”
“You could’ve done something.” She snaps back, but deep down she knows she's being unfair. Even if Melina had taken the girls and ran, they would have been hunted relentlessly like animals.
“I prepared you in every way I could.” That was, in the ways she was authorised to do so. If she had been allowed to teach them combat and stealth in their time together, she wouldn't have hesitated.
The Iron Maiden raises to her feet slowly, keeping the black and pink blob close to her chest, and places it down gently in a small bed of hay.
She glances down at Natasha to see her crouched over her lap picking at the small, white flowers on the ground and can't stop herself, “You're slouching again.”
The younger woman frowns and looks back up at Melina. “Stop pretending you give a shit.”
“I care about you. I raised you.”
“No, you didn't.”
Melina can't help slightly raise her voice at the swirl of emotions, “You blame me for this, but it was out of my control and yours.”
“I dont blame you for the past decades- I can't blame you for it. I don't blame you for being one of Dreykov's puppets...”
The Widow stops and inhales, driving her fingernails into the leather strap on her suit.
“I don't blame you for not loving me.” Natasha whispered, her voice hoarse as she peered up at the woman who she once called her mother.
"I blame you for pretending you ever did.”
Melina stops then cautions a step closer to Natasha and takes a knee to be level with her.
“It was never pretend, Natasha. I loved you dearly for every second I knew I should not have, and I do not regret it.”
The younger Widow scrubs at her face furiously and doesn't reply to Melina’s affirmations, ready to get up and leave before a tear betrays her, until she feels a hand on her cheek which she instinctively leans in to.
“I'm sorry, my dear.” She murmurs just loud enough for her to hear.
“…I know.”
____☆____
“Villain and violent
Infant and innocent
Baby, both arms cradle you now”
-Forwards beckon rebound, Adrianne Lenker
Gotta love that Melina and Nat angst, thank you for reading and please send in any requests!