Abandoment Issues - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

Music time

I wanna talk about music too, it's intensely important to me. Let's start with the name-sake of this blog.

Lovely Lovely Little Lie by SUPER NH

The way this one makes me feel is difficult to put into words. On the one hand it speaks to the emotions of losing something important, the aimless anger, the sadness, the guilt, but in a much more complicated way it speaks to me about loneliness, screaming and nobody hearing. Just trying so hard to be heard that you exhaust yourself, putting on a facade to garner at least some attention, then trying to show your real self and being alone again.

Tw: mention of sh

I relapsed again and told my boyfriend and I'm justs o scared that he won't like me anymore because if it.

Which is not even logical because he also struggles with sh, but still.

I just know that noone loves broken people and I am shattered into 1000 different parts...

He want to meet up tomorrow...

I am kinda very scared that he'll go no contact with me, haha....

Hahahahaha.

But I know I shouldn't be.

I know...

I know I shouldn't be.

I'm sorry for thinking that everyone will always leave me.

I am sorry.

I miss him. So much.

It feels like I will never see him again. It feels like I can never hold him again. It feels like it's all over and lost.

I can't, I don't want to keep going like this.

Will I ever be enough for you?

I'm sorry, I know I'm not good.

I know that, really, I do.

But please, just give me more time.

Please?

I can do better, just stay a little longer.

I promise I'll be better for you.

I'm sorry, please forgive me for being like this...

I didn't mean to hurt you.

I promise all I ever wanted is for you to be safe.

I'm sorry that this almost killed you.

I never ment for you to hate me.

dam it I ruin so many relationships because of my fear of abandonment I fucking hate myself for it I get so jealous over nothing i just don’t want them to leave me I feel I have to walk on eggshells around everyone

I wonder how long it would take @tonycrynight to notice if I just.... stopped being active online all together.

Why am I even asking this?? he doesn't care, he's too busy with his animations that I'm just another number to him. A meer fan amongst the 2 million he has. But at the same time, if that's the case then why the fuck am I so attached to him even if he'd rather his son was dead than queer?

I guess he just likes to do that with people..

Tbh i can't really help it, i'm practically so attached to him that the thought of losing him makes me want to kill myself, and anytime he even bats an eye to me it feels like I've been saved by jesus christ himself.

God I hate having BPD sfm... /srs

God I love this breakdown I didn't even know about the holiday special until I saw this post I didn't know that happened in the holiday special where he thought poppy was going to say something like that this explains way too much

So, I experienced some deju vu during this scene in Trolls Band Together:

John Dory grabs his backpack, says he's leaving (I'm done, YOLO, etc.), and then the last thing he says is "Goodbye Forever!", followed by Branch's distraught face, and the next thing Branch knows, all his brothers have left him and he never sees them again.

I was trying to figure out why that little snippet stuck with me, then it hit me:

Trolls Holiday in Harmony, when Branch is trying to figure out a gift for Poppy. He's worried about doing the wrong thing, disappointing her or freaking her out, and says "I CAN'T let that happen". He illustrates his point with Poppy packing a suitcase, and what does she say right before she runs off?

Really brings his abandonment issues into the light😢

I've seen a few comments of people being annoyed when Branch said to Poppy "aren't you going to leave me anyway", but they clearly don't understand how trauma affects people's mental and emotional state.

He knows Poppy loves him and doesn't actually believe she'd leave, but after a lifetime of being alone, even though he's happy and loved now, there's still that subconscious fear that he'll end up alone again. Poppy means everything to him, and he can't bear the thought of losing her too, especially as a result of something he's done (his grandma died to save him, and he believed his brothers leaving was his fault because he 'ruined everything' at the concert).

Sometimes this results in Branch trying to push Poppy away, which seems conflicting, yes, but again: trauma messes with your mind. He was already heartbroken and angry at his brothers, so he wasn't thinking clearly and blurted out his hidden main fear.

And when he says "everyone else [leaves me]" I hear "everyone in my life has left me so I must deserve to be alone, so you might as well leave me too."

And that's probably why Branch was so hesitant to be open with Poppy - 1. I might scare her away, and 2. why bother expressing my feelings to someone when I'll likely just lose them anyway. Plus he's still getting used to having someone to confide to in his life. Keeping emotions bottled up for years is a hard habit to get out of.