Actually Dissociative - Tumblr Posts

The moment when your brain decide is time to get a flashback and dreams about that person/system who hurt us a lot so all the system gets triggered and now all the subsystem of introjects of that person/system is frontstuck alone feeling like they're their source even though they know they're not

Help us, we don't want to front like this

—✍🟥

Sometimes we have this thought and it's weird...

Are we trans because that's what feels right or just because we're a system?

Are we trans because it's just that way or is it based in our trauma and our phobia of women?

Idk... It's strange all of this and every time this question gets in our mind we can't answer it

It's so weird when your not the host but someone new at front and people assuming you're the host just because we share personalities

Bonus points if you believe them because you don't fucking care till you care and you're left wondering "Who tf am I?" without an answer

Did I just use Tumblr to say I'm a new formed alter and people assumed I was the hoste? Yeah pretty much

Vent post

Why everytime a professional in mental health tells you something that you already know hit so fucking hard and makes me wanna cry?

In our today's session our psychologist told us "Yes... Those are post traumatic stress symptoms" and we knew, we are aware of that, but it fucking hurts so bad and when we heard it from her we felt so horrible and bad, like the body reacting bad when you hear something you shouldn't

We knew we have it, why does it hurts and feels so bad when

I only have 3 moods in the CDD community

More bored than ever because

Another fucking drama? /neu

This is why I hate the CDD community

"Are you a overt or covert system?"

I'm me, does that count?

(We just don't fucking know at this point, we're both and at the same time don't)

Constantly using system to describe ourselves buy hating that term for ourselves is a dialy fight

Sometimes I want to make a discord server for systems to being an actual good server but the I remember that people are shitty most of the time so it would end in shit cause people will just enter to make caos and drama

I find interesting how the english CDD community is more centered around endo drama and spanish CDD community is just fighting itself because of this people who claim themselves to be "activists" and do more anti-recovery shit that I can recall lol

Brain when I said I wanted to be the host again I meant in a "let me be a frequent fronter" not in the replace the actual host with me

Please let me go, I don't like the outside life, stop being dependant on me brain

—🐺🦉

*Talks with someone*

*They mention a specific topic/do a specific question*

*You unlock a memory (might be good, bad or traumatic)*

*You verbalize that memory*

*You and that person talk about that memory*

*You two jump into another topic/finish the conversation*

*You forget the memory you just unlock*

*You immediately forget that you had that talk so you also forget you had that memory*

*Circle repeats*

When brain's so silly that because you're in a horrible moment when you're scared for your life and you saw Spiderverse movie in the middle of that crisis moment you end up splitting a spiderverse subsystem to deal with that trauma and situation

I found so interesting that even though CDD community it's meant to help and support in CDD systems and all that kind of shit you can see there a lot of fucking fight between themselves, I'm not even calling the endos in this

Idk, it's interesting...

Hating our brain and how it works

When I'm in a crisis that might put the body in a terrible danger they leave me alone in fronte

But when minor stress we switch

Brain I don't understand you at all /neg

I wanna do more blogs, more system related blogs, but I have many ideas that they made me crazy and end up forgetting them lol

Don't know, maybe someone here wants a blog about something sys-related and we can do it(?

Guys I'm extremely bored yk

ARE U SPEAK SPANISH?!! >_<

YEAAAAAHH

I speak spanish, is my first language!!

Though like almost 80% of the system feels more comfortable talking in english than spanish (the ones who don't prefer it don't know english lol)

Do you speak spanish?? :0

"My kid is ok, they don't have trauma"

Bitch your kid learned english alone when he was less than 10 years because you didn't know the language and so the kid felt more secure talking about things in english because it gave them the sense of control and privacy

Bitch your kid learn to dissociate in english because that's more safe and now sometimes they can't remember their own native language because their brain lock itself in english

Bitch your kid likes more english and talks better in english than their native language because they feel more confident and safe like that

Random like vent post that applies to us lol

hui!! were relearning spanish bc its our first language certain alters formed.when we onky spoke it only spesk spansih and i thought you'd find it neat

So you mean some of your alters only speak spanish and now all the sys is re-learning it?? Cool

That's a similar case to us tbh, we have various alters that only speak spanish because it's our first language, but we can speak more english lol

What a good surprise not being the only one like this!!

It's so strange that the brains works like

"Yeah let's make this horrible and triggering allter front to make us have a random PTSD attack"

and then the brain realize that's hurting us in every way and so it wents like

"Let's bring a whole group of triggered alters to front and cope with this till we dissociate, not stop it, just make it worst till we dissociate"

Fucking brain

Host be like

"We don't have any sexual trauma, wdym??"

And the 4 sexual protectores, 2 trauma holder and 2 sexual alters just look at him with an "are you serious??" face