Albearto - Tumblr Posts

Incorrect Quotes Shenanigans: Part 11

Raph: Yeah I'm LGBT. Raph: cuLt leader. Raph: God hates me personally. Raph: cowBoy hat. Raph: *sniffles* Trying my best.

~

Donnie: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL- April: CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FAMILY DINNER FOR ONCE?!

~

Leo: Look at the buns on that guy! Hueso: *lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns* Mikey: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny! Leo: I'm not going back to jail!

~

Casey II, pointing to the wall: What color is this? Splinter: Gray. Cassandra: Grey. Casey II, turning to Draxum: Now tell them what color you think it is. Draxum: Dark white.

~

Repo: You're just jealous. All my friends tell me I remind them of Hypno. The Squad: *screaming* Ghost Bear: He looks like Hypno? Are you out of your fucking MIND? Warren: Hypno, sweetie, I am SO sorry. I am SO SORRY that an ugly-ass bitch like this would even say that. Oh my god. Ghost Bear: Hypno? Hypno? Hypno? You know who you fucking look like? You fucking look like Albearto!

~

Bullhop: Every time I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke. Honey Badger: Okay, but what is updog? Groundhog: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish. Prairie Dog: No, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released. Todd: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden. Sunita: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter. Bullhop: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs. Prairie Dog: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current. Groundhog: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway. Honey Badger: What’s a henway?? Bullhop: Oh, about five pounds.

~

Leo: No, I don't want to talk about physics! I don't know anything about the laws of physics because they are hard and boring. I simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! Is that really asking too much? Donnie: Yes, as a matter of fact, it is! Leo: Well, guess what? Science is stupid bullshit!! Donnie: You take that back!!! Leo: No. Magic is awesome. Science blows. The end.

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 13

Splinter: I’m quick at math. Donnie: Ok, what’s 38 times 76? Splinter: 24. Donnie: That wasn’t even close. Splinter: But it was quick.

~

Draxum: If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need. Draxum: Not all this "how did you get into my house" business.

~

Leo: We have fun, don’t we, Hueso? Hueso: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

~

Ghost Bear: I am your king, long may I reign! Albearto: Well I didn’t vote for you! Ghost Bear: You don’t vote for kings. Albearto: Well how’d you become king then? Ghost Bear: Baxter of the Lake, their arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Ghost Bear, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king. Albearto: Listen. Strange people lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

~

*At a bank teller window* Warren, in a bad Italian accent: I'd like-a to make-a da deposit! April: HEY BUDDY, WAIT, I REMEMBER YOU! Warren: *Frantically pours marinara sauce into the vacuum tube* April: GODDAMMIT, IT'S THEM AGAIN!

~

Raph: Everyone, calm down! We're grown-ups, let's deal with this like adults! Sunita: So, we're just going to wing it and hope for the best? Raph: Obviously. Now, Todd, pass the shovel.

~

Donnie: Hey, can we stay in your dorm tonight? Leo: Why? Donnie: Raph fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours. Big Mama: Mikey doesn't know how to banish spirits, so they just throw salt at them and yell "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 14

Mikey: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!

~

Big Mama: What are you two arguing about this time? Draxum: He's always using common phrases incorrectly! Splinter: Cry me a table, Draxum.

~

Leo: Hey, wanna help me commit arson? Casey II: What the hell!? Leo: Oh, sorry, my bad. Leo, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson? Casey II, whispering: Of course. What do you need?

~

Raph: *gets set on fire and screams in agony* Raph: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.

~

Ghost Bear: Albearto, we're hungry! Hypno: Albearto! What's for dinner? Warren: We're hungry, Albearto! Albearto, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*

~

Kendra: Is Donnie always like this when they lose? Jase: Oh, yes. You should've been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum of 2015. Donnie: You bumped that table and you know it!

~

April: Welcome to my very first vlog, in which I try different hair products! April: *sprays hairspray in her mouth* April: Well, right off the bat I can tell you this one is not very good.

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part ~20~

Sorry for the wait. I got distracted by stuff at school and a busy weekend after returning home for the summer. I'll try not to let such a long hiatus happen again unless absolutely necessary. With that said...

LET'S GET THIS TRAIN ROLLING!

~

Raph: I’m so excited! Mikey: We’re gonna have the best costumes, get the most candy... Raph: And have the biggest stomach aches ever! Mikey: Yeah!

~

Splinter: My ultimate goal is to punch God in the eye, just to spite him one last time.

~ April: I just drank a lego piece. Warren: ...what the hell?! You melted plastic and drank the liquid? April: Yes. Warren: Why did you even melt a lego in the first place?! April: Because it looked like chocolate! So I drank it! You know, like a chocolate shake?

~

Leo: Hey guys! I drew everyones soul! Donnie: Why is Cassandra's a monster? Cassandra: Leo, you forgot Donnie's! Its only an empty space! Leo, proudly: Exactly

~

Big Mama: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.

~

Baxter: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Draxum? Draxum: …Not really. Baxter: Nothing? Draxum: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.

~

Meat Sweats: When life gives you lemons, what do you do? Albearto: Make lemonade! Meat Sweats: No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with its own shit.

~

Huginn: If there’s one thing I learned from Muninn, it’s to set people’s expectations real low, so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.

~

Ghost Bear: Hello, McDonald's, I would like to purchase 130 chicken nuggets. Prepare yourselves.

~

Sunita: I can be your partner for the next race. Hypno: Sorry, Sunita. It's a sibling race. Todd: Maybe there's a contest for lonely children after this. Hypno: It's only children, Todd. A lonely child is what you're gonna be when I sell you!