Homestuck Caliborn - Tumblr Posts
Your headcanons are like??? Phenomenal??? If you did anything for Caliborn, I'd appreciate it to heck and back, but just whohever you're comfortable with in general!!
Thank you so much! ❤️❤️❤️🥺🥺🥺 I’ve never written for caliborn so I’m having my friend proof read this cause I need to make sure I get him right! I hope you like it!
CALIBORN GENERAL HEADCANNONS
This motherfuck holy shit. He’s a real c r e e p, he doesn’t even have an explanation for being a creep he just is. He always manages to get a way to watch you.
Wether it’s through the terminal or not it up to you. He’s kinda stalkery
One time you were just chillin and a random screen name popped up on your computer “undyingUmbrage” you waited for the person to reply but instead you just got an “OH FuCK I FuCKING MISCLICKED FuCK THIS FuCKING BITCH” and then it saying he disconnected
That was weird but we don’t talk about it.
Him “liking” you goes from,
Being interested in you because you’re ugly and stupid like dirk
Then stalking
Then we wants to talk to you
And the eventually you meet and you both just stare and eachother
He’s creepy
You’re freaked out
Calliope is nice for the most part, she keeps him away for a bit
This dude get practically SLAPPED by dirk being like “dude you’re being weird and creepy. If you like them so much just tell them”
He starts drawing you a lot, thinking about you, wanting to be around because you’re the only person who stands him, so he ends up listening to dirk
It’s bad. He almost punches you. It’s funny though. You laugh. It goes something like
“HEY BITCH! IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT I’M STILL FuCKING ABOVE YOu. SO YOu’RE GOING TO DO ME THE HONOR OF DOING THE DATING THING WITH ME”
“Okay Cali”
“I TOLD YOu TO STOP FuCKING CALLING ME THAT”
*punch*
“Cali I’m still god tier that didn’t really hurt”
You and dirk have a good laugh about it, so does Calliope, but that’s a secret
You’re dating are mostly you dragging him along to do romantic things. He says he hates it and you but don’t be fooled. He loves having you run around to make sure he’s happy
And on rare Occasions, he brings you dead things, shiny things, anything he thinks youll like. He’s like a crow
He tried to punch you a lot. But it doesn’t hurt and it’s only impulsive, he’ll never ACTUALLY hurt you. Unless he like, stabs you.
He loves to draw you and him and leave it around for you to find. It’s really fucking cute because he can’t draw.
Now lord English is a pack of worms that I’m not going to unpack but just know if you run into him he’s going to be real excited and he WILL try to pick you up. Have fun with that.
He remembers what is was like to be happy, what it was like to be with. So if he’s not trying to smother you with love. He’s going to spare you from a gruesome death
ALSO IF HE TRIED TO CUDDLE YOU SAY YES PLEASE HE NEEDS IT.
His kisses hurt man. Owchie. He’s tries though, he practices on his pillow. Cause he’s like “THEY HAVE SOFT SKIN I CAN’T END uP HuRTING THIS BITCH”
Overall. Shitty Mc shitstains is pretty cool
I’m sorry but homestuck cracks me up and this is one of my favorite panels
Planning on doing a fancomic about an alternate timeline where Caliborn and Calliope play the game together and have to get along
It would be hella doomed, but I think I can get around that somehow
I couldn't help but add the "smut"... hopefully it's ok
Cal. we wanna see you talking to Dirk.
GIVE THAT TO uS OuR YAOI MASTER
THE ANONS HuNGER. TO SEE THE YAOIEST OF INTERACTIONS. AND I WILL INDuLGE.
OF COuRSE I EXPECT PAYMENT. WHEN I CONQuER YOuR WORLD. I EXPECT PRAISES. AND LOYALTY. TO YOuR NEW OVERLORD. AND YOu WILL ALSO GIVE ME ALL YOuR CANDY.
[undyingumbrage began jeering timaeusTestified]
uu: DIRK. YOu WILL DRAW SOMETHING FOR ME.
TT: Okay. Anything for his supreme majesty of manly men making out.
uu: YOu WILL REFRAIN FROM SuCH VuLGARITY WHILST DRAWING THE SACRED ART FORM.
TT: Of course. God forbid two men kiss in the two men kissing genre.
uu: EXACTLY. NOW DRAW MY HuMANSONA IN HIS MANLY COAT. AND DRAW YOu. AS MY ADORING DISCIPLE.
TT: Cool.
*timaeusTestified sent an image!*
uu: EXCELLENT.
uu: NOW. DRAW MY HuMANSONA. EXTENDING A HAND. IN A GESTuRE MANY WOuLD CONSIDER FOuL.
TT: Okay.
*timaeusTestified sent an image!*
uu: NOT THAT GESTuRE. THOuGH I DO APPRECIATE YOuR RENDITION. OF MY SIGNATuRE tumut
uu: NO. I AM REFERRING TO THE LEWD GESTuRE. OF TENDERLY HOLDING HANDS. WITH OuR YAOI HANDS. AS THE MANLIEST ALPHA BROS DO.
TT: Utterly depraved.
*timaeusTestified sent an image!*
uu: EXCELLENT WORK, MINION.
uu: BY THE WAY. MY STuPID SISTER. HAS A PERVERSE "CRuSH" ON YOu.
uu: I AM ASSERTING DOMINANCE. BY TELLING HER SECRET HERE. BECAuSE SHE DID NOT LEAVE ME ANY ICE CREAM.
TT: Are you sure it's me she's got a crush on?
uu: THE ROXY BITCH SAID "gud luck gettin ovr ur crush on dirk" IN HER NOTE TO MY SISTER.
TT: Well, then. That's a bit of a surprise. I don't feel that way about her, though.
uu: OF COuRSE YOu DON'T. YOu RECEIVE THE ATTENTION OF THE FINEST SPECIMEN OF THE ALPHA MALE CHERuB. NEARLY EVERY DAY.
uu: NOTHING AN uGLY BETA FEMALE LIKE HER. COuLD COMPARE TO.
TT: I'm simply overwhelmed with the sheer power of it all. Your combination of insults to several of my close friends and demands for free art has wooed me better than any of Callie's politeness ever could.
uu: OBVIOuSLY. NOW DRAW THE JAKE HuMAN. HOLDING HANDS WITH ANOTHER YOu. THE YOU WHO IS GLASSES.
TT: Scandalous. Lil Hal doesn't even have hands.
THIS CONVERSATION LASTED MuLTIPLE HOuRS OF JEERING, ART, AND WHAT WAS TOTALLY NOT SARCASM. I DISPLAYED MY MASTERY OF THE MYSTERIOuS POWER FOREIGN TO MY SISTER. KNOWN AS "THE RIZZ". HE ALSO DREW A "PONY SONA" OF ME. AS A COLORFUL HORSE WITH WINGS. WITHOUT EVEN BEING ASKED.
I AM SuCH AN ALPHA CHAD. THAT DIRK IS AT MY BECK AND CALL. uNLIKE ROXY. WHO IS INCAPABLE OF CREATING THE YAOI. AND MY SISTER. WHO IS INCAPABLE OR REQuESTING SuCH A THING.
goretober day 4 gut* spill
<3
