Incorrect Odyssey - Tumblr Posts
Polyphemus: I would like to thank you for this lovely wine, Nobody!
Odysseus: I'm so glad we see eye to eye.
Polyphemus, a cyclops who has heard that joke done to death:
Polyphemus: Y'know, I was gonna let you all go but, screw it, just for that I'm eating your bestie.
Odysseus: You can't tell me what to do, you're not my mom
Athena: Well, since your mom is dead, yes, I am
Odysseus: Wait, my mOM IS DEAD!!
Athena: SHIT-
No, but now seriously, can you imagine how funny it has to be with the whole army thinking, that Odysseus is crazy? Like, sure, Agamemnon got that it's not true, but gossip in such a large group of people is immortal.
And now, every time someone new was joining, soldiers heard "u know about a king of Ithaca? He's fu*king mad! He almost killed he's own son!" And people were like "Yeah, you're right!" Or "nah is not true" but in a camp it has to be obvious that when Odysseus was walking somewhere, or talking something out loud, everybody listen, just to know if he seems to be crazy. And that's also why in the beginning of the Iliad, he's the one who calming down the army- they want listen to him better then other leaders, becouse he's the subject of their theorys.
Polites: *sneezes* Odysseus, inside the vents for unknown reasons: Bless you. Polites: ...god?
Leartes:sometimes I feel like my father in law hates me. But that's Ok. I am not the problem, he hates everybody.
Athena: with kindness and POISON! ughh..... A figure appears Telemachus: ohhhh....... Wait... who´s the beggar?? Athena: nobody Nobody: sup´ bitches
"Kill them with kindness"
Telemachus: IT'S NOT WORKING
Telemachus that´s the way Athena wanted you to deal with the suitors not your naked father.
You know what you're asking is welll....., let me tell he ended at sea more than 12 years, yeah..: he was a great King for sure but.....
Also
My name is nobOdy, NoooOOOOOBody.
Odysseus Nobody
Policies:
-Never doing drafts
-Above average compensations for parents and extended maternity and paternity leaves.
-Olives are now the only añlowed wood to make beds from
@simugeuge Thanks so much for the palate cleanser! @katerinaaqu´s was endless crying and Tholos too T T
Anyways: here´s a doodle of three in their drawing session >:D
Hope you like it!
Ducks and Leopards
It was a pretty, warm morning on Ithaca. The royal family were reunited in the yard. Odysseus was checking the stones of the wall that surrounded the house, to see if there were any in need of fixing. Telemachus sat on the floor, drawing with a pig tusk. Penelope walked to Telemachus, put her hand on his shoulder, and stretched her neck to look over his head. He immediately covered the drawing with his body and waved his hand away. “Do not look, you’ll make fun of it.”
Penelope seemed offended. “Son, I would never be that cruel”, said, wrapping tightly her veil around her.
“You are.”
“I have never laughed at you, what are you saying, child?” she pressed her fingers on his shoulder to reassure him. But couldn’t keep talking, because an uncontrollable laughing fit emptied the air of her chest, folding over, grasping his arm.
“It’s a leopard.” Explained to her, flustered, the young man.
“That- that is a do-og, son. What is it?”
“I told you it was not good.”
“And the ears! But it has the spots!” Penelope’s knees were giving under her.
“What have you done to your mother?” Odysseus approached dusting off his hands.
“Ah, it wasn’t me. She loses all her poise whenever she has the chance to be cruel. Compose yourself, queen.” Telemachus teased her. “Please come look, father. Tell my mother it's a good leopard what I’ve drawn.”
Odysseus spied over their heads. He nodded. “I’ve traveled a lot, and I can tell you that is a good leopard if I've ever seen one…”
The young man leered at the queen.
“...We’d call them seals back then.”
“Oh!”, Telemachus grunted while both the king and the queen laughed at him.
“Well, if both of my beloved parents are so dexterous in matters of drawing, I’d like you to show you can do it better than me.” Telemachus offered the tusk in defiance.
“I will take it,” said the queen sitting next to her son and started drawing on the dirt. “I will draw a duck.”
The men complained. It was too easy. It was too boring. But she dismissed them and put all her attention in her drawing.
“Where have you seen leopards?” asked Odysseus scratching his beard.
“I saw one as a child, in Sparta,” explained Penelope, still focused on her duck.
“They brought one to the court of king Menelaus when princess Hermione got wedded to Neoptolemus Achillides. It was a wedding gift. And I would have never made an effort to try and recreate it as beautifully as Pisistratus can, had I known my mother was so very rigorous in matters of art”, Telemachus lifted his voice in reproach.
“There. It is done. A duck.”
“The legs are too long.”
“And the curve in the back is not right, honey.”
“Well, I don’t presume to be an artist, but the idea of a duck is right there.” She opened her hand to the drawing.
Both men scrunched their noses. “The idea of a bird.” Odysseus conceded.
Penelope left them to go check on the length of the duck’s legs in the pen. The king now sat down, took the tusk, and started drawing.
“What are you doing?” asked the woman on her return.
“A leopard and a duck.”
Now it was his turn to get jeered at.
“Awfully competitive.”
“That is very poor creativity, father.”
“He will copy from us.”
Odysseus kept abstracted as minutes passed, now erasing with his foot, now drawing again.
“What would they want a leopard for?” wondered Penelope.
Telemachus giggled: “Maybe the person who gifted it was given the leopard, and didn’t know what to do with it.”
“In that case darling, how far in the leopard line do you think we are?”
“Expect the leopard in a year or two.” mumbled Odysseus, scratching the dirt a little more. “There.” He declared, unsure. His wife and son came closer but they were silent.
“Honey, yours are the worst.”
“They are like stick figures.”
The king scratched his head, frustrated. “They are animals alright. I never promised anything.” He thought for a moment and took the tusk again. “I will draw a snake and I'll show both of you.”
His hair is so damn locked that his looks like a carpet, with so much salt (I know from experience). I imagine him tried to detangled the mess in the mornings and when he was with Penelope, she spent 20 min combing it.
While in the Odyssey he didn´t try to do it, if he was alone; only when in presence of other people he let them, but never comb it. Only when he returns to Ithaca let´s Penelope combing it. (She is going to kill him as the hair is so messy that better cut him bald than trying to comb that thicket of weeds he calls "hair")
The most insightful thing Homer did in the Odyssey is how much he mentions that curly hair only looks defined if recently washed, and the rest of the time is an insufferable mess
Oh so positive and assuring, as if he wasn't a sobbing mess the whole time it was happening.
Athena: I said hold fast to the rook
Odysseus: i'm 2 weeks drifting
Athena: HARDER HARDER
*Odysseus about to faint*
Hermes: Athena.....
Athena: ughh, let me take me a selfie, it will go to Ody's failures álbum.
Hermes: Athena, he's drowning
*Click*
Athena: okay! Don't make me get in the water Odysseus!.
Sorry I have this vision since book V.
Here's Athena taking a selfie with her favorite pet lizard Odysseus.
Hi Uge!
Yes we need to talk about that!
And yes we should empathy for all little girls and women that have endured, and are enduring this situations, as those are horrible and I can't imagine the horrors they're facing everyday.
I think Odysseus's case is talked more as he is a man! (Inverse of the commom thing), and let's be honest Zeus and his gang should have been also set to prison. And all abusers should burn for all eternity too.
Phh and yes I see the point you're trying to make, and yes is sickening that if the roles inverted, like Calypso was Odysseus, maybe the hate would have directed in other ways.
And to be honest I would try to kill him. Yes I will try to kill Odysseus if he did that. The situation was horrible but unfortunetly is true for a lot of people specially Women and little girls and it could be even worse in some cases.
Thanks so much for sharing this!
It's not funny how the corollary on the Calypso/Odysseus situation has evolved into creative ways of killing/torturing an abuser (of course, a woman; male abusers remain blorbos), and not into empathy for the thousands of girls and women who got into arranged marriages and faced this reality all their lives.