Incorrect Peter Parker - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

Peter: I don’t care what anybody says, I stand by what I think: nachos are real.

Tony: Who-who opposed???

Harley: I’m just saying...they’re a bit sus...

Peter: If you haven’t seen two cats riding an elliptical together while looking like loafs of bread, are you really considered alive?

Tony: Hey kid, you writing an essay or something?

Peter, typing out his Star Wars DR script: ...yes

Peter: Heca jehbe kahvrven idhwvbe hebenakd.

Tony: Um...what?

Peter: Ah sorry I thought autocorrect would work.

Tony: Peter this is a verbal conversation—

Harley: Be the first to fuck up something that nobody has ever fucked up.

Peter: I accidentally got a ferry to split in two pieces, nearly killing people in the process.

Harley: You’re on the right track :)

Tony: Harley shut the fuck—

Tony: Hey kid you should really read those novels, they’re classics.

Peter: No thanks Mr. Stark, they just seem really long and boring.

Tony: What’s that you’re reading there?

Peter, mumbling: ...a 500K slow burn Star Wars fanfic...

peter: i’m not a former gifted student. i’m still gifted. put me in a fourth grade class and i’ll annihilate them all like i did the first time

peter: can i borrow your hairdryer?

may: sure! why?

peter: because the microwave stopped working half way through making dinner, and i need to heat my hot pocket

peter: could you pass me my mouth radio?

tony: you mean your HARMONICA???

tony: that’s not funny

peter: i think it’s funny

tony: you don't count. you started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw two days earlier

peter: where’s my oscar for acting like i’m not falling apart

peter: the crab in the little mermaid was right, the human world is a mess

pre-spiderbite peter: *seductively takes off glasses* wow you’re fucking blurry

villian: i have figured out your plan!

peter: well, that just proves you're an idiot, because i don't have a plan!

peter: i like haunted houses in theory, but i have no idea how to react when the actors speak to you. they ask me a question and i just... answer it

peter: the scariest part of a haunted house is the unscripted interaction

teacher: can someone please tell me the three stages of life?

peter: birth, what the fuck is this, death

peter: i like to think i’m pretty smart, but i’ve also poked every single bruise i’ve ever had just to be like ‘oh, ow. yeah, that’s a bruise’