Iron Dad - Tumblr Posts
Peter: *bursts into Tony’s lab with a plate while on three Monster Drinks*
Peter: You’re not a dish *smashes plate on the wall* you’re a mAN!
Tony, frightened: Th-Thank you??
Peter: You know, I wake up in the morning and I’m disappointed. I don’t choke on my food at lunch, I’m disappointed. I make it to dinner, I’m disappointed.
Tony, calling the therapist again: Hi, I’d like to schedule another appointment.
Peter: Do you ever just...
Peter: *folds like a beach chair*
Harley: Yup *proceeds to fold like a beach chair*
Tony: Um.....pardon me??
Tony, introducing Peter to the Avengers: Peter is our newest avenger, Spider-Man.
Steve: That’s a CHILD.
Peter: And that’s an ugly, pimply bitch.
Peter: *drops his pencil*
Peter, exasperated: Well zoo wee mama and fuck me with a goddamn fidget spinner.
Tony: What? Do what?? With a wHAT???
Tony: On a scale from 1 to 10, how are you feeling?
Peter: Well you know when you’re sleeping and your body does that fake falling thing?
Tony: I don’t see how that describes anything...
Peter: I know but I spent most of my afternoon thinking about that.
Tony:
Tony: I’m just gonna put a 3 again...
Peter: I wish I could get the same amount of praise as a sham-WOW.
Tony:
Tony: I’m going to hug you now so shut up.
Peter: May just made seven layer bean dip, you want some?
Tony: Sorry kid, I don’t like beans.
Peter, eyes boring into Tony’s soul: ...Who the fuck doesn’t like beans.
Tony: Kid, for the love of God, stop being reckless and getting yourself nearly killed.
Peter: Why’d you have to say that?? You saying that makes me want to do it even more!!
Tony, exasperated: What is wRONG WITH YOU—
Peter with his super hearing and his teenage hormones: OH MY GOD STOP BLINKING SO LOUDLY.
Tony, confused and frightened: I’m sORRY?????
Texting:
Peter: *sends a picture of a guy throwing a fidget spinner*
Peter: Consider this a warning
Peter: Oh wrong number, sorry.
Tony: Who was that for?
Tony: Peter who the fuck was that for??
Tony: So kid, anybody you like at school?
Peter: Well I sexually identify as a mistake so what does that say?
Tony: That says “another tharapy appointment.”
Peter: Technically, you can’t prove that I can die until I do die.
Peter: And after today’s Spanish test, I might just test that theory.
Tony, using Peter’s own webshooters to web him to his bed: NO—
Tony: Ned, what was the first thing you did after the shooting?
Ned: I called my parents and told them that I was okay.
Tony: And what was the first thing Peter did?
Ned: He ate a banana.
Peter: You know, you could consider me like a barbie scooter.
Tony: Elaborate?
Peter: Fabulous and unstable 😀
Tony: I’m firing your therapist—
Peter, humming: When you’ve wimbled all your wombles, and you’ve jingled all your jongles, listen to the flimble flomble of my fûckįñg tâñgęrïńē...
Tony:
Peter: Pain. Agony even. Suffering perhaps. Torment maybe.
Tony: I just asked you what you wanted for dinner...jesus fucking christ—
Peter: I don’t care what anybody says, I stand by what I think: nachos are real.
Tony: Who-who opposed???
Harley: I’m just saying...they’re a bit sus...
Tony: Hey kid, you writing an essay or something?
Peter, typing out his Star Wars DR script: ...yes
Peter: Heca jehbe kahvrven idhwvbe hebenakd.
Tony: Um...what?
Peter: Ah sorry I thought autocorrect would work.
Tony: Peter this is a verbal conversation—