Incorrect Spiderman Quotes - Tumblr Posts
mj: what's your type?
johnny: my boyfriend!
mj: and what's your type harry?
harry: hmm... johnny's boyfriend
johnny look murderous: ...
Peter: did you just... flirt with me?
Harry: i have been for the past year
Harry: but thanks for noticing
MJ: are you kidding?
Harry: you got to be joking Peter.
Peter: I'm not, we didn't dated harry.
Harry: we live in the same house.
Peter: as roommates.
Harry: we slept in the same bed.
Peter (defensive): as friends.
Harry: we had sex.
Peter (desperate): IT WAS TRAINING.
MJ: and I thought my relationships were complicated.
MJ: good luck with him
MJ: I suppose you and I can be… friends.
Felicia: With benefits?
MJ: No benefits.
Felicia: Worth a shot.
Felicia: Sex addicts are like "one more sex please"
MJ:...
Felicia: i have no idea what sex works
Tony: Peter is the kindest Mayan person I know!
Peter: *smiles innocently*
Wade: pfft
Peter still smile: *whispering* say something to him and that knife will go back to your spleen
Gwen: how old are you?
Miles: sixteen
Peter: he's fourteen
miles: almost fifteen
Peter: but it's still fourteen
Miles: well fourteen, almost fifteen, right?!
Gwen: I'm older...
Miles: yeeeeh
Peter: *on the phone with MJ* Okay, sorry, last time; the list just said "bread", I'm gonna need a little more than that. I don't see the "Silky Frizz-Resistance Miracle Volumizing" shampoo. I know you said to get the toilet paper with the bears but I found one with a man on it. Three-In-One, ah, shoot, it's for men? (Writes a "W O" in front of the "MEN" on the bottle with a silver sharpie marker) Wheat, okay, that's good; there's 100% Whole Wheat, and just Wheat. Are those different? I'm gonna have a panic attack.
MJ:...
Tony protecting Peter: see you messed my child and now
Tony: im going to FUCK YOU!!!
Mysterio: ...
Tony smiling: ...
Peter: *whisper* its fuck you up
Tony: wait-- what i did say?
After nwh
Peter: you told me you were on a spiritual retreat!
Stephan: namaste
Peter: and you had died!!
Tony: did I recover?...
Tony: So today I learned that peter has me in his cellphone as "Mr Irondad "
Clint: *shrugs* Could be worse. Wanda and Pietro have each other down as "spare parts"
Peter: Wow, this parking is as straight as I am.
Natasha: I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!
Peter: What if I were to hit my head really hard with a fire extinguisher and have all my braincells click into place?
Ned, grabbing fire extinguisher: We won’t know until we try!
Peter: If you do this, I will kill everyone you ever loved and burn you alive along side them. I will leave no evidence behind and no one will ever know what happened to you. Don’t test me.
Ned, throwing away the +4 card out of sheer terror:
Peter: Y’know, there is a more efficient way to answer someone on the phone when you really don’t wanna talk to them.
Peter: “Mario’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce!”
Peter: And guess what, Nick Fury did stop calling after that!
Happy, having a stroke when Nick Fury appears on his phone afterwards:
Peter: May just made seven layer bean dip, you want some?
Tony: Sorry kid, I don’t like beans.
Peter, eyes boring into Tony’s soul: ...Who the fuck doesn’t like beans.
Peter: Hey, doesn’t it smell like updog in here?
Bucky: Haha. Kid I’ve heard this too many ti—
*Dog barks being webbed to the ceiling*
Peter: I knew it smelled like updog in here. I guess it’s from the matter?
Bucky: What’s the matter?
Peter: Nothing much what’s the matter with you?
Steve: Bucky, put down my shield—BUCKY—
Texting:
Peter: *sends a picture of a guy throwing a fidget spinner*
Peter: Consider this a warning
Peter: Oh wrong number, sorry.
Tony: Who was that for?
Tony: Peter who the fuck was that for??
Tony: So kid, anybody you like at school?
Peter: Well I sexually identify as a mistake so what does that say?
Tony: That says “another tharapy appointment.”
Tony: Ned, what was the first thing you did after the shooting?
Ned: I called my parents and told them that I was okay.
Tony: And what was the first thing Peter did?
Ned: He ate a banana.