Incorrect Irondad Quotes - Tumblr Posts

Pepper: It looks like it's gonna be a white Christmas this year!

Tony: It's supposed to rain on the 24th

Pepper, covering Morgan, Peter, Harley and Nebula's ears:

A defensive Vision covering Wanda's ears:

Natasha covering Clint's ears:

Bucky and Steve struggling to cover each other's ears:

Stephen: STOP.

Karen: Peter, what you're wearing is interfering with you fight-

Peter: RESPECT THE DRIP, KAREN

Ned: are you good bro?

Peter: no, why would you think that?

Harley: why are you giving us tips on how to save money?

Tony: I'm preparing you for the future

Peter: aren't you a billionaire?

Tony: I may be, but that doesn't mean I'm inheriting any of my money to you two.

Tony: Honeybear, I.. I really hope I'm not like Howard.

Rhodey: You're not, Tones. Trust me.

Tony, sighing in relief: Oh yeah? Guess that means I'm officially a DILF then.

Rhodey: Yeah— wait what?

Tony: A DILF? Devoted Involved Loving Father?

[S-M;NWH — Interrogation Scene]

Interrogator: We all already know what you did, Mr. Parker.

Peter, biting his lip and looking down:

Interrogator: It's better to admit to them now, it might lessen your punishment.

Peter, sighing: Okay! Okay. You got me. It was me who clogged the toilet last night, but I swear it was an accident, and I tried to fix it, but I just made it worse and it was so embarrassing—

Interrogator:

Tony: I told you! I told you it wasn't me, May!

May: How could've I known?! You're a rich person in a normal apartment, you were more likely to not be used to our bathroom!

Peter: What if the actual reason why our clothes are heavier when we get out of the bodies of water like oceans, is because we carry the weight of the souls of the corpses that drowned in there? Like, they're souls that haven't rested yet, and they can possess, and we're the nearest living thing so they try to attach themselves to us but end up being on our clothes instead.

Tony, crying as he cancels the beach trip: Peter, please stop, I'm already planning a different vacation plan—

Steve: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

Peter, nodding sagely: So, that way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Tony, tearing up: That's my boy.

Peter: Mr. Stark, look! I found this really cool cat, but they looked so sad and so I kinda took them with me so they can eat and now I think I've gotten attached and I really want to keep it.

Tony, on the verge of an aneursym: Peter–Peter, that's a fucking panther.

Tony: You're so reckless! The third stab wound this week, this week! I told you I'm fine being sent to voicemail as long as you call back after!

Peter: But it's you! It's Tony-freaking-Stark! What if you called me for something important? Like, an Avengers-level mission, or an emergency!

Tony, pinching his nose: Underoos, you do know that I can just let FRIDAY automatically patch through if that was the case, right? Please just stop answering my calls mid-fight and end up bleeding on the streets! I have heart problems, kiddo.

Peter: Mr. Stark, can I go ride my bike?

Tony: Do whatever, I'm not your dad.

Also Tony, 2.7 seconds later: Wear your gear, Peter, and not in the streets!

Peter: Yeah no, he's finna die.

Steve: Wait, who?

Natasha: Why?

Peter: He got grazed by a bullet wound, beaten up with a shovel to the point of unconsciousness, got his bullet wound stepped on that woke him up, coughed up blood, and got a heavy blow to the head causing a severe concussion.

Bucky: ..That's a long list of injuries, punk. Bet you my metal arm whoever 'he' is that he won't get out of that alive without immediate medical attention.

Tony:

Tony: ...Peter, why is your teeth stained red?

Peter: Because it was me, Peter! *passes out*

Avengers, panicking: HOLY FUCK BRUCE COME HERE— SOMEONE CALL DOCTOR CHO—

Peter, accidentally burning his toast: Life is nothing but a jail in which I'm forced to conform to society or else I will be doomed to darkness for eternity. There is no such thing as free will, never has been, never will be.

Tony:

Peter:

Tony, concerned: Who— who hurt you?

Peter: You want that in MLA or APA?

Peter: *after watching sonic movie* i relate to sonic! Because i too am an orphan,live with parent figures who can be in mortal danger cause of how much time i spend with them for I I a superhero and a kid!

Pepper: *sobbing into papers*

Tony,a tired dad: Peter,you want me to call your therapist-

Peter: I wish I could get the same amount of praise as a sham-WOW.

Tony:

Tony: I’m going to hug you now so shut up.

Peter with his super hearing and his teenage hormones: OH MY GOD STOP BLINKING SO LOUDLY.

Tony, confused and frightened: I’m sORRY?????

Texting:

Peter: *sends a picture of a guy throwing a fidget spinner*

Peter: Consider this a warning

Peter: Oh wrong number, sorry.

Tony: Who was that for?

Tony: Peter who the fuck was that for??

Tony: So kid, anybody you like at school?

Peter: Well I sexually identify as a mistake so what does that say?

Tony: That says “another tharapy appointment.”

Tony: Ned, what was the first thing you did after the shooting?

Ned: I called my parents and told them that I was okay.

Tony: And what was the first thing Peter did?

Ned: He ate a banana.