Incorrect Peter Parker - Tumblr Posts - Page 3

Tony coming back to the lab on fire near a corner, DUM-E spreading the fire extinguisher foam everywhere but the place burning, and glitter covering every inch of the worktables and inventions:

Peter: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Tony trying to help Morgan create a poem for homework while sleep-deprived: A day without sunshine is like, you know..

Peter, equally as sleep-deprived: Night.

Peter: I walk around like everything’s fine..

Scott, sympathizing: Is it not? If it isn't, then that's alright, you don't owe anyone anything to pretend that you're okay when you ar—

Peter, tearing up: But deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Scott:

Scott, muttering: Why did I agree to this..

Peter: Mr. Stark, look! I found this really cool cat, but they looked so sad and so I kinda took them with me so they can eat and now I think I've gotten attached and I really want to keep it.

Tony, on the verge of an aneursym: Peter–Peter, that's a fucking panther.

Tony: You're so reckless! The third stab wound this week, this week! I told you I'm fine being sent to voicemail as long as you call back after!

Peter: But it's you! It's Tony-freaking-Stark! What if you called me for something important? Like, an Avengers-level mission, or an emergency!

Tony, pinching his nose: Underoos, you do know that I can just let FRIDAY automatically patch through if that was the case, right? Please just stop answering my calls mid-fight and end up bleeding on the streets! I have heart problems, kiddo.

Peter: Mr. Stark, can I go ride my bike?

Tony: Do whatever, I'm not your dad.

Also Tony, 2.7 seconds later: Wear your gear, Peter, and not in the streets!

Peter: Hey, Mr. Strange, sir?

Stephen: Doctor Strange, Peter. It is not a made-up name.

Peter: Oh okay, Mr. Doctor Strange sir.

Stephen: *sigh* What is it?

Peter: When we put candles on a cake, does it summon some sort of demon that decides based on their mood to grant our wish or do the complete opposite of it?

Stephen: ..I believe the lessons of mystic arts didn't cover this.

Peter: Yeah no, he's finna die.

Steve: Wait, who?

Natasha: Why?

Peter: He got grazed by a bullet wound, beaten up with a shovel to the point of unconsciousness, got his bullet wound stepped on that woke him up, coughed up blood, and got a heavy blow to the head causing a severe concussion.

Bucky: ..That's a long list of injuries, punk. Bet you my metal arm whoever 'he' is that he won't get out of that alive without immediate medical attention.

Tony:

Tony: ...Peter, why is your teeth stained red?

Peter: Because it was me, Peter! *passes out*

Avengers, panicking: HOLY FUCK BRUCE COME HERE— SOMEONE CALL DOCTOR CHO—

Peter, accidentally burning his toast: Life is nothing but a jail in which I'm forced to conform to society or else I will be doomed to darkness for eternity. There is no such thing as free will, never has been, never will be.

Tony:

Peter:

Tony, concerned: Who— who hurt you?

Peter: You want that in MLA or APA?

Clint: Peter is in my yard again.

Nat: Come on, this again?

Clint: He’s not wearing pants, and he’s chasing my dog.

Nat: Boys will be boys.

Clint: Yes, but yours is 24 and drunk.

Peter: Wow, this parking is as straight as I am.

Natasha: I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

Tony: what is a reason that may ruin a relationship no matter how strong the bond is?

Peter: Divorce.

Why is this so accurate—

Peter: Mr. Stark, Morgan's asking where babies come from

Tony : She's too little, just tell her about the stork

Peter: Ok

Peter, to Morgan: So your mom slept with a stork

Tony : The fu-

Nick Fury: I called you. 7 times.

Peter : I watched it ring

Peter : 7 times

peter: mum! *humming along to the bluey theme song*

tony: *sitting on the couch next to him*

peter: dad! *points at tony*

peter: mr stark what's wrong why are you crying?

Damn, Peter's got taste.

Tony: Hey kid you should really read those novels, they’re classics.

Peter: No thanks Mr. Stark, they just seem really long and boring.

Tony: What’s that you’re reading there?

Peter, mumbling: ...a 500K slow burn Star Wars fanfic...

Everything, literally everything

Tony: Anyone d-

Shuri: Depressed?

MJ: Drained?

Peter: Dumb?

Ned: Disliked?

Tony: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people ...

Tony: Me and Pepper are having a kid

Peter: That's great! Who-

Tony slamming the adoption papers: It's you, sign here.

Honestly, same.

Tony : Are you having another depressive episode?

Peter: A depressive episode?

Peter: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.

Wanda: That's just the summary of my life.

Peter: Same with my life, it's literally just a series of Ls.

Natasha: I would say that, but I haven't cried since I was a child.

Steve: You all concern me.

Sam: THIS is why we need to start group therapy sessions.

Bruce: I agree with Sam on this one, though one on one therapy with licensed therapists is also very beneficial.

Bucky: Bruce, you do know we're all superheroes right? More specifically, unpaid Superheroes.

Clint: I have a post battle head ache and if you all don't stop sending messages, I'm going to use some SHIELD tech to delete this groupchat.

Tony: You know that I'm a billionaire and can pay for literally everyone's therapy, right?

Tony: And we'll be talking about what you said later Pete.

Tony: Also, no need to get the SHIELD tech birdbrain. I'm going to delete this groupchat anyway.

[Peter in the Avengers group chat after they failed a mission]

Peter: The sun will rise and we'll cry again

Peter: try*

Peter: Oh forget it, cry is fine I guess