Lost In Thought - Tumblr Posts
She has such beautiful thoughts, if only they knew.
Imagine Your Otp
Person B: *Is in deep thought, unbeknowst in their signature Thinking stance*
Person A: “They look so cute. I love them~”
Person B: *snapped out of it* “What?”
Person A: “WHAT?”
Imagine Your OTP
Person B: (Being cute as they’re working whilst saying something to them)
Person A: (Internally) ‘YES! 11/10 person right there! I love you! Please love me! I would die for you! Love of my life! Such a miracle on earth! I adore beyond belief!’
Person B: (looks up) “You got it, Person A?”
Person A: (Back to reality) “Huh, sorry I didn’t catch what you said. Could you please repeat it! Sorry!” *pouts a bit feeling ashamed for not listening*
Person B: (Internally) ‘Oh my God! They are so cute when they do that! Absolutely remarkable! 11/10-”
Person A: “What were you were saying?”
Person B: “What!”
Person A: “Before, you were saying something.”
Person B: “Right, sorry!”
Real Life Acting
This may come as a shock to no one, but I’m not usually the most interesting person to be around in real life. While others are talking or doing things, I’m often lost in my own space, saying very little and not moving much. At best I’m usually invisible to others in the room, and at worst I’ve sometimes come off as cold or disinterested.
It turns out, in practice, that my first reaction when something happens is usually... nothing. My emotions are very responsive, but that stays entirely within my head; it doesn’t translate to anything tangible - my body isn’t emotive, and my brain is too busy processing to come up with something to say. This is probably 90% because of autism, but the other 35% is just because I was never around enough people growing up. There’s no social instinct that tells me what to do.
So my solution is to act out how I’m feeling. I put a megaphone to what my brain is processing and speak it out, putting effort into being as expressive as possible. In an almost cartoonish manner, I become a character who represents what I truly feel inside, and clearly showing others what that looks like.
In a way, this feels disingenuous, like I’m just overreacting and pretending how I feel about everything. Yet it is how I feel about everything - just not how I would react to it normally. And as I practice more and people respond favorably, it has started to become instinct in a few cases, a truly genuine response. In a way, I’m finding my own voice!
Plus, since I have little prior experience, I’m able to start with a blank slate and mold it into the character I want to show myself as. I get to choose the kinds of responses I give, ones that (hopefully) make people feel comfortable and happy. Of course, that’s still a work in progress, but I like to think that it’s working ^_^
I have no idea how much of this makes sense to read, but I hope it gives an interesting glimpse into how my introverted self is trying to break free from being stuck in my head all the time!
~I just want to get lost in my own thoughts. And I don't want to be found.~
-a poem of a new kind
I feel very alone in my way of thinking, at least with people I know. No one around me thinks like I do. I can hold deep conversation with others, but I always hit an intellectual wall with certain individuals as I also understand not everyone is well versed as I myself am not as well versed as others; as I also understand that humans are not all the same and have different levels of strengths, with many, varying interchangeably. Whether it be physically, intellectually, or (ambiguously) spiritually. However, It's just the small circle I do hangout with (mostly family, as I was always an outcast and had no friends that lasted up to today) doesn't think like I do (no disrespect to my family whatsoever as I love and care for them so much and my thinking is a conglomerate of their thoughts and feelings meshed with (mostly) my thoughts and feelings). I am not perfect, as no one is, but no one (in my circle) is a deep thinker like I am because they are scared of getting lost in thought. I've even had people say basically that they love their ignorance. Though I also know and respect that no two individuals are alike. But I also would agree that ignorance is blissful and very peaceful, as when you're ignorant you are happier than others as you have not so much of the world to worry your mind. Sort of like the mind of a child who hasn't fully discovered the world yet. A child who hasn't had much rigid world experience like your average child of today who's mind has had experience in nearly everything thanks to the internet and it's readily availability. Unlike a child that was pre-internet and fully protected by their parents and didn't have to grow up early like a child with an uneasy upbringing. Sort of like a child ( for example) who had to get a job early or (for example) a child who was forced to experience adult activity due to maybe irresponsible adults that were around them or (for example) a child experiencing irresponsible neighbors' unruly activities or (for example) a child growing up watching the news. Such things makes a child "more experienced" with life in a sense, but it also comprises the peace/ bliss which was essentially written into their DNA. Our DNA as humans. I think about these things often and when I try to talk to others about it, I hit an intellectual wall. Which ultimately leaves me feeling lonely. "Broaden your circle" they say. But many don't realize it's hard to find people who don't fall to the easy temptation of the ego; a big turn off for me which lives within all people, even in myself at times. Which makes me even unique and alone, as I recognize such a flaw in myself; ultimately making me my own worst enemy. With that, I may also consider my younger mind to have been compromised by worldly preoccupation; which I also believe contributes to my internal conflictions. My early morning thoughts.. Can't sleep