Overheard At School - Tumblr Posts
A list of some of my favorite things overheard at school, part one:
“I can be Luigi, but I’ll have to wear a fake mustache.”
““I don’t know if I’m just depressed, or... not.”
“I shoved my headphones up his asshole!”
“I’m too poor for sausage!”
“How can he play his clarinet if he’s a bird??”
“You are the biggest mystery since why is my trash can.”
“I have a nosebleed. May I please go to the bathroom and... bleed out?”
“Look at those deer!” - “Those are rakes.”
“Stop sensually licking the tinfoil!”
“Biting is how you get things done in life.”
A list of some of my favorite things overheard at school, part two:
“You donate time, money, food, internal organs, to the poor.”
“Is that a Hillary sign in your yard?” - “No we just really like the letter H.”
“I’m looking the gift horse directly in the mouth! I’m taking the gift horse to a dentist!”
“I just spent a hard day buying a sock.”
“Mom said I’ll be in big trouble if I whine, so I want it on record that I’m not whining, I’m bitching.”
“Oh snap, Ginger, water. Don’t you just want to... drink it??”
“So tell me what you want, what you really really want!” - “World peace.”
“I’m a slut for water. I’m an H2-HO.”
“Those look optimal for trashcan fires.”
“What is a haiku? - Ask my idiot son here - This is a haiku “
A list of some of my favorite things overheard at school, part three:
“You gotta show Michael Jackson dat ass.”
“I like calling him a stubborn bitch, it rests well with my soul.”
“Why can’t I buy the purse? It’s a snazzy switch carrier!”
“Hey Ginger, how many kazoos do you think a human can use at once, like, four?”
“Important tags. Smut. Window.”
“So the biggest problem with poverty is pretty much that they’re all starving cause like, they’re homeless and stuff.”
“The Rock came from this. Yes, I birthed The Rock.”
“It’s not como te llamas, it’s come eat my llamas!”
“Well, it was about Sonic having sex with Rosilina, so that was kinda hard to get into anyway.”
“This glove fits like a glove.”
A list of some of my favorite things overheard at school, part four:
“My chest is tight” - “Well now that you mention it I feel it too, but it might just be mass hysteria.”
“Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve seen him in anything other than a bathing suit.” - “Who hurt you like this, Ginger?”
“It’s cold and tiny like my aspirations in life.”
“Yarg! My Mexican will defeat you!”
“THIS IS A NON CONSENSUAL MINE CART RIDE.”
“Guys. What if, one day, we tried?”
“Fortnite fandom, for the win!”
“Save the tires!”
“That’s my personal opinion on how animals should wear pants, the other way just looks weird.”
“Here, have a foot- I hope it sucks!”
A list of some of my favorite things overheard at school, part five:
“Damn Vans, up in the club with those white Daniels.”
“It’s not actually Benedict Cumberbatch, you don’t need to flirt with it.”
“I think that just because Santa has a beard and Mrs Claus wears a dress doesn’t mean we should automatically assume that they’re respectively a guy and a girl. This is just us giving in to gender stereotypes...” - “If this argument actually made any sense I’d be weighing in on it.”
“I didn’t come here to be attacked!” - “You live here, where else am I supposed to attack you?”
“Isn’t that an Arby’s thing? We have the memes or something?”
“That’s totally turbulent... It makes me want to attach my own oxygen mask before assisting the person next to me.”
“For Halloween I am going to be a sexy baby crocodile!”
“Who takes a limo to Ross?”
“She keeps waiting for me to notice that she dyed the bottom half of her hair red, but why would I notice? Why would I look below her shoulders?”
“Oh! I know something that will cheer you up- I spilled acid all over my hand in chemistry earlier!”
A list of some of my favorite things overheard at school, part six:
“Oh, it’s asshole Santa... he’s also missing a foot. That’s what he gets for abusing misfit toys. Who’s the misfit now, Santa?”
“Maybe you should dial back the shrine to yourself...” - “NO! It’s a sign I’m destined for greater shrines!”
“Aloha from second block! We’re learning about... sexual reproduction! On that note, happy birthday!”
“Is he the conservative one?” - “Everyone has their faults...”
“The bus is a homophone, pass it on.” - “Yeah, that was the worst hate crime I have ever experienced.”
“Why do I have clothes on???”
“Your hetero side chicks bore me.”
“Toys for tots, slang for sluts.”
“There are two potions here- love is love, or Jesus.”
“Stare into my eyes... to assess the size of my pupils.”
A list of some of my favorite things overheard at school, part seven:
“The horse c*ck is strong with this one.”
“Girls have skin.” - “I don’t know what that means!!!”
“Large Vehicle Parked Badly.” - “That’s my whole life right there.”
“My general sulkiness and relentless pessimistic attitude had lead me to all of this!”
“It’s four twenty.” - “Make a wish!”
“Spoiler! Spoiler alert! Okay. So, basically, he’s f*cking his mom.”
“My waist is saved for Jesus.” - “What does that even mean??” - “It means she’s only gonna screw Jesus!”
“I think on a scale from one to ten, being hugged by someone with boobs makes the hug better by at least 5%. Wait...”
“If I put a pencil in my hair and nod my head the pencil falls out.” - “Please don’t.”
“In this essay I will tell you why fish don’t need no d*ck.”
A list of some of my favorite things overheard at school, part eight:
“Well I do have long ass legs...” - “You have ass-legs???”
“Do you know just how many times you’ve lied to me and laughed at my pain?”
“I’m trying to get high. I put on this V-neck sweater every time I get high.”
“No, your brother would totally help if your boyfriend went into anaphylactic shock.”
*loud cry of pain* - “Oh, come on, that’s like the least hurtful thing I’ve hit you with today!”
“I’m glad you joined us for this friendly bowling game.” - “This was neither friendly, nor bowling...”
“How could you cry when a boy is becoming a man in the eyes of the Jewish faith?”
“I need to smooth the parrot!” - “I hate it when people don’t smooth the parrot...”
“Privileged white person...” - “YOU TOO ARE WHITE.”
“Yeah... shouldn’t he be statistically dead by now?”
A list of some of my favorite things overheard at school, part nine:
It’s been far too long since I made one of these
“You don’t get a say in this conversation. Finish the dishes, peasant.” - “Oh, I see how it it. You want tumblr followers more than a loving and devoted brother.” - “... what.” (This one is from home tho.)
“You will have sex with the guy and you will like the penis.”
“They’re half gay, half straight, depending on who they fuck more.” - “...Bisexual?”
“Mmh yes, get that sexy creep shot.”
*While displaying apple watch* “I just reached my standing goal!” - “You’re sitting.”
“Are you licking me?” - “It’s my last line of defense.”
“I’m Chinese, I don’t care about Japan!” - “Aren’t you Korean?” - “........I messed up, okay?!”
“Your boyfriend can wait, he’s a republican. They have to wait for the wall anyway, he’s used to waiting.”
“This is my second ever Walmart experience, and I’ve got to say, so far it’s mostly positive.” - “...” - “What.”
“Youtube is not pie. If T-Series gets more Youtube, there isn’t any less Youtube for Pewdiepie.”