Pistachiophobia - Tumblr Posts
Isa: Since the pandemic started, Jake just stands there sadly looking through the window. I should probably go let him in.
Jake: What's the bear minimum?
Isa: One bear
Isa: Do you take constructive criticism?
Jake: Not without crying.
Isa: Jake, fuck off.
Isa: And by “fuck off” I mean “fuck off right back here and listen”, you insufferable prick.
Isa: If you want my advice-
Kai: No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your boyfriend. Multiple times.
Isa: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, he’s also tried to kill me.
Kaylee: It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.
Jake: I know what you’re up to, Isa.
Isa: Really? Because I barely know.
Isa: I only have 6 weeks left to live.
Jake: Oh my god, really?!
Isa: It's just a guesstimate based on the choices I've made.
Isa: Kai told me that brown is just navy orange, and I have never been more disappointed with something I agree with.
Jake: If you turn a pizza inside out, is it still called a pizza or?
Isa: That’s technically spaghetti.
Isa: Why can’t any of you ever clean up after yourselves?
Jake: I have a person who does that for me:
Isa: Yeah, ME.
Jake: I’m glad you agree.
Isa: His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Jake: It was two minutes, but good try.
Jake: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
Isa: A stick.
Jake: Do you even know what mitosis is?
Isa: Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
Isa: If Google matched people up by their browsing history, it could be the greatest online dating website of all time.
Jake: Or the greatest disaster.
Jake: If we shouldn't eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
Isa: In case there’s a blackout and we need to stress eat again.
Isa: I am going to name my kid Pac-man so he can see ghosts.
Jake: I feel like you don’t care about me at all.
Isa: Not true, I kept your blanket when you were gone.
Jake: Exactly! I didn’t have a blanket!
Isa: Well I’ll be damned.
Jake: Isa, doctor! I've developed a double heartbeat since my operation.
Isa: Ah, so that's where my wristwatch went.
Jake: HOW- You’re freaking qualified!
just letting u guys know that imma take a break to focus on my exams.