Tw Acephobia - Tumblr Posts

Things I want people to know and accept:

Marriage is not for everyone

Children are human beings and not resources to be used

Not all children are biological

Assuming that all the people who don't want to get married are only doing it bc they love their phones is dumb

Romance and sex are not necessary for a happy life

No one has the right to force anyone to marry

Pregnancy and raising children are not easy choices to make and have severe consequences if not taken seriously

Y'know, whenever people want to talk about why aspec people 'count' as an oppressed identity, they tend to go for the big stuff like corrective rape and conversion therapy. And like, we should absolutely talk about that stuff. Obviously those things are terrible and important and we need to raise awareness and deal with them.

But I feel like people often gloss over how… quietly traumatising it is to grow up being told that there is only one way to be happy— and that everybody who doesn't conform to that norm is secretly miserable and just doesn't know it— and then to gradually realise that, for reasons that you cannot help, that is never going to happen for you.

You're not going to find a prince/princess and ride off into the sunset. Or if you do, then it's not going to look exactly the way it does in fairytales. You're not going to get a 'normal' relationship, because you are not 'normal', and everybody and everything around you keeps telling you that that's bad.

You see films where characters are presented as being financially stable, genuinely passionate about their work and surrounded by friends and family, but then spend the rest of the plot realising that the real thing they needed was a (romantic and sexual) partner, to make them 'complete'.

You absorb the idea that any relationships you have with allo people will ultimately be unfulfilling on their side, and that this will be your fault (even if you discussed things with your partner beforehand and they decided that they were a-okay with having those sorts of boundaries in a relationship) unless you deliberately force yourself into situations that you aren't comfortable with, so as to make uo for your 'defects'.

You grow up feeling lowkey gaslighted because all the adults in your life (even in LGBT+ spaces. In fact especially in LGBT+ spaces) are insisting that it's totally normal to not be attracted to anybody at your age, and then you go to school and everybody keeps pressuring you to name somebody you're attracted to because they can't imagine not being attracted to anybody at your age.

And then you get older and realise that one day you're going to be expected to leave home, and that one day all your friends are going to be expected to put aside other relationships and 'settle down' with a primary partner and you don't know what you're going to do after that because you straight up don't have a roadmap for what a 'happy ending' looks like for someone like you.

(And the LGBT+ community is little help, because so many people in there are more than happy to tell you that you're not oppressed at all. That you're like this because you don't want to have sex, and/or you don't want to have any relationships, that your orientation is some sort of choice you made— like not eating bananas— rather than an intrinsic part of you that a lot of us have at some point tried to wish away.)

Even if you're grey or demi, and do experience those feelings, you still have to deal with the fact that you're not experiencing them the 'normal' way and that that's going to effect your relationships and your ability to find one in the first place.

If you're aiming for lifelong singlehood (which is valid af) or looking for a qpp, then you're going to have to spend the rest of your life either letting people make wrong assumptions about your situation (at best that your relationship is of a different nature than it actually is, at worst that the life you've chosen is really just a consolation prize because you 'failed' at finding a romantic/sexual partner) or pulling out a powerpoint and several webpages every time you want to explain it.

This what being aspec looks like for most people, and it is constantly minimised as being unimportant and not worth fighting against— even in aspec spaces— because we've all on some level absorbed the idea that oppression is only worth fighting against if it's big, and dramatic, and immediately obvious. That all the little incidents of suffering that we experience on a daily basis are not enough to be worth bothering about.

I mean, who gives a shit if you feel broken, inherently toxic as a partner, and like you're going to be denied happiness because of your orientation? Shouldn't we all just shut up and thank our lucky stars we don't have to deal with all the stuff some of the other letters in the acronym have to put up with (leaving aside the fact that there are many aspec people who identify with more than one letter)?

So you know what? If you're aspec and you relate to anything I've said above (or can think of other things relating your your aspec-ness that I haven't mentioned) then this is me telling you now that it's enough. Even if we got rid of all the big stuff (which we're unlikely to do any time soon because— Shock! Horror!— the big stuff is actually connected to all the small stuff) we would still be unable to consider our fight 'over' because what you are experiencing is not 'basically okay' and something we should just be expected to 'put up with'.

No matter what anybody tells you, we have the right to demand more from life than this.

Hello author, I hope you are good and having a nice day, I don't want to sound rude/offensive but that asexual thing really disappoints me, I am not against asexual people and I don't hate them, I respect them because they are also made by God as we are but as a reader I connect myself to the mc so making grey asexual is somewhat disappointing. I am not asking for the NSFW scenes I understand that you are not comfortable with that and that's okay I don't wanna force you add anything, you are the writer and it's your story I am no one to change it but I want to give you a suggestion that anywhere in the story don't mention that grey is asexual/sexual because it doesn't matter because when you add sexuality everyone finds their wants that's why it's good not to mention it, your story is damn good and it is always remain great with or without the sexuality things. You are the author and at last you have to decide, I will read this any way you decide. If my words sounds offensive Please I'm really really sorry. I don't want any reply I am just asking you to read and think about my suggestion for a while and then think about it. Thanks dear author.

I'm sorry you feel that way, anon, but it is indeed very rude. If the story is not to your taste, that's fine, it's of no consequence to me. I'm literally not getting paid either way.

But Grey's asexuality was not a surprise. I have it written in the story introduction, and I talk about it often on this blog.

No, I will not be adding an "asexuality warning" to the demo. Ace people should not and do not need to give forewarnings. Should I start carrying a card around now to give to people I'm interested in?

I will absolutely be mentioning and addressing Grey's sexuality in the story because it's a part of them - an important part of them. Sex doesn't make a story, and is not needed to enhance a romance.

Apologies if this came off sounding mad but it's because I am mad.

With Pride Month right around the corner, my mind keeps reminding me of homophobia I’ve experienced over the years. Here’s some that I experienced from one Christian guy I used to be friends with:

Got mad every time I called myself gay (his reasoning was only guys exclusively attracted to guys could call themselves gay)

Said bisexuality and pansexuality were the same

Wouldn’t let me call myself pan in his presence

Called me the wrong pronouns even after the MANY times I’ve told him the pronouns made me uncomfortable

Told me I was an idiot for believing intersex people exist and also don’t need “fixing”

Called me a lesbian even though I’m not one

Thought I was greedy for being pan

Told me I’d grow out of being trans

Said they/them pronouns made zero sense

Was 10x more homophobic toward me after learning I wasn’t a girl

Told me I’d never not be a girl and was delusional for thinking otherwise

Thought the fact that I occasionally am repulsed by romance made me immature

Argued with me about the existence of bigender and intersex people

Used the h-slur for intersex individuals

Claimed lgbt didn’t exist before 2000

Thought that me being trans meant I was lying to myself and everyone around me

Told me I claimed to be trans because I didn’t like who I was

Referred to me as an object and it/its pronouns after I told him she/her made me uncomfortable (Note: nothing wrong with people who use it/it’s pronouns, but they’re not my pronouns)

Called me childish for my occasional sex repulsion

Told me that me being lgbt “went against God”

Called me a slut for being pan and for being polyamorous

"aphobia doesn't exist"

bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it