Arophobia - Tumblr Posts
I’ll be making an in depth post about this soon which will include asexual and aromatic erasure as well as queer platonic relationships. That will take me a while but I’ll get it out here eventually.
In the meantime I’m sorry OP for any hate you’re getting, you are right, and don’t deserve to have your feelings and experiences invalidated.
pov an aro person makes a post
Things I want people to know and accept:
Marriage is not for everyone
Children are human beings and not resources to be used
Not all children are biological
Assuming that all the people who don't want to get married are only doing it bc they love their phones is dumb
Romance and sex are not necessary for a happy life
No one has the right to force anyone to marry
Pregnancy and raising children are not easy choices to make and have severe consequences if not taken seriously
hang on. there’s no way we’re revitalizing “are [cishet] aro people queer” discourse. it is almost 20-fucking-24. no. say sike right now. you’re all fucking ridiculous. how are we not only not over this, but bringing it up for active discourse again. and acting like the things being said are common discussion and not. blatant aphobia. which is homophobia. it’s queerphobia. did we never fucking learn from the many “they want us to fight amongst ourselves because if we’re divided it’s easier to ruin us” type talks that everyone was making a while ago. or was that a phase too. what happened to “anything not heteronormative is what queer is. anything with romance/sex/gender that’s othered from what society deems the “norm” is what we are. we are a community of outcasts because the greater community doesn’t want us either way.” what the shit.
I think people who consider aromanticism as "basically straight" underestimate how noticeable absence can be to those around you.
Whether you're a kid in school with classmates who won't take "no one" as an answer to who you have a crush on or an adult whose coworkers have picked up on the fact that you've never mentioned a romantic partner; after enough time, a lack or insufficient amount of romantic interest will raise the antennae of friends, family, coworkers, etc... They will notice and they will speculate and they will ask.
It is impossible to meet the societal bar for straightness through inaction.
welp I just saw one of those "love is the whole point and if you think that phrase only refers to romantic love that's a you problem" posts on my dash so
Loveless people, you're rad as fuck and I have so much respect for you.
People have different priorities and even people who do feel love might not experience it as "the whole point."
Usually, people do mean "romantic love" by "love" because of amatonormativity. Aros getting defensive about that is not an attack on you but a reflection of the cultural implications surrounding the word "love."
"Love" is a social construct (based in an amatonormative and ableist society) that means different things to different people.
"Love" is not inherently a force of good and can be used to hurt people, just like anything else.
Love is not "the whole point" to me or many other people.
so you know how a lot of queer people grow up in a homophobic and purity obsessed environment? i feel like i almost had the opposite. i grew up in a relatively sex positive household with decent enough sex ed at school. abstinence was never pushed on me. i didn't grow up feeling like there was anything wrong with queerness... unless that queerness was aromanticism and asexuality. yes, i was lucky to grow up in an open minded household, but that doesn't mean i had a perfect childhood. no matter if you grew up in a conservative environment or an open minded one, if you're an aspec kid, you gonna get fucked up.
if you grew up conservative, it might seem like a virtue at first. you're one of the "good" kids because you're not interesting in dating, you're perfectly happy to "wait" because you don't understand what the rush is. until you become an adult and suddenly you're hounded with questions. why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? who are you going to marry? when are you going to marry? when you get married you'll be able to have lots of sex, as a reward for waiting. what do you mean you don't actually want sex? that's unnatural. you need to reproduce. now it's no longer a good thing to be disinterested. there is something wrong with you.
if you grew up in an open minded environment, it's very isolating. from my experience at least, you're hyperaware that everyone else is experiencing these feelings that you don't, and everyone is saying how normal it is, all teenagers have these feelings. you're not interested in boys? it's okay to like girls. look how progressive we are. why do you still look lost? who do you have a crush on? when are you going to start dating? why can't you be a normal teenager? you'll understand when you're older. sex is a normal and expected part of being an adult. why do you look uncomfortable? when are you going to lose your virginity? virginity is shameful. it means you're ugly. what a loser.
so yeah. i guess i'm lucky to grow up in the household i did. i'm trans and so grateful my family is supportive. but they don't know about my aroaceness. it's the part of my identity that makes me feel the least safe. i feel like i have the opposite problem of an allo person who grew up conservative. i'm an aspec person who grew up in an environment where sex was seen as normal and healthy to the point that not being interested was seen as abnormal and unhealthy. no matter what, aspec kids are shamed. the best case scenario would be a gay kid growing up in the latter situation. there is no best case scenario for aspec kids. and there won't be until aromanticism and asexuality are given widespread awareness and acceptance.
Submitted May 13, 2023
I don't care how much you reblog ace positivity posts if you don't learn to recognize and call out every form of radical feminism in queer spaces. My community was decimated and our support systems destroyed because of this shit. Both we and the aromantic community have still barely recovered. Many of us won't feel safe in queer spaces ever again. And now I see the same vile shit now attacking trans mascs. Slapping "TERFs DNI" on your bio is worth fuck all if you're fine with keeping the door wide open to the same scumbaggery wearing different hats. If you aren't also dedicated to stamping out this culture of oppression Olympics, of trying to find acceptable targets by conflating individuals with oppressive systems, and making social justice into a cudgel to beat people into submission with, we're always going to be vulnerable to self-righteous bottom-feeders out only to validate their own trauma by hurting anyone within reach.
aspec people excluded from the queer community.
trans people excluded from the queer community.
nonbinary people excluded from the trans community.
people with personality disorders excluded from the mentally ill/neurodivergent community
schizo-spec/psychotic people excluded from the neurodivergent community.
it's the exact same thing every single time. exactly the same. why do people try to single out and exclude specific groups within their groups? I'm sure there is quite a variety of reasons, and a few I can think of, but regardless, it is blatantly the exact same shit every time. it reads the same. and it is so infuriating and appalling to witness.
what’s the point of the “aro and ace ppl aren’t oppressed!!” card to exclude us?
like first of all, aros and aces ARE oppressed in such an amatonormative world, but even if we weren’t, isn’t it the biggest goal of the lgbtq+ community to not be oppressed one day? we want a world where gay and lesbian people are no longer oppressed, which is a great thing, but when that happens, are we suddenly going to drop them from the community just because they “aren’t oppressed anymore”?
since when has oppression played a part in whether or not someone is queer?? trans women tend to get more shit than trans men even though both are severely oppressed, so are the former somehow more queer than the latter? last time i checked, the answer was, and still is, no...
if you aren’t allocishet, then you can consider yourself a member of the lgbtq+ community; not because of the oppression you face, but because you deviate from the allonormative, amatonormative, monormative, cisnormative, or heteronormative structures of society. period
arophobic ppl r the weakest links cuz tell me why
So within two days of each other, Fox News writes an article comparing aromanticism and asexuality to pedophilia, and then Matt Walsh releases a video saying asexuality is a mental illness and asexuals are tricking teenagers into having depression.
Not sure what’s going on right now over in Conservative World, but it’s a hell of wild U-turn for them to suddenly switch from “Oh no! The left is sexualizing our children!” to “Oh no! The left is asexualizing our children!”
As someone who rlly wants a qpr, a life partner, and the life society ‘expects’ me to have, it’s irritating to know that I’m both the ‘wrong’ type of aro and the aro that our romance obsessed society is comfortable with. Like, both ways it sucks????? I’m not compensating for my aromanticism, I just want to hug and kiss someone and get tax benefits??? Like, I’m cupioromantic so I DO want the butterflies in my stomach romance, but also I understand that I just want a bestie for life that I can live with. It’s hard to explain, but, like, let people exist in peace??? Sexuality is a spectrum for a reason. Someone can be aro allo or allo ace, and both labels are valid?? So are homeromantic bisexuals but that’s another rant…
Point is, let partnering aromantics and non-partnering aros exist and peace unless you want to be friends
And DON’T insinuate aro allos are gross/ derogatory words for promiscuous that I’m not gonna use/ sex addicts
YOU ARE VALID NO MATTER WHAT
People really need to stop talking about aromantic people in such a way to suggest we need to, like, make up for our lack of romantic attraction? This ties into the whole "aromantic people can still date" and "aromantic people can have qprs" and "aromantic people still feel strong platonic love" pattern I keep seeing where it's as if people are trying to say "don't worry, they can still be mostly normal" and it is so frustrating to me as a non-partnering aromantic person and is likely even worse for aplatonic and loveless aros.