Aphobia - Tumblr Posts

smooch smooch

got to love it when the “say gay” crowd and “you can teach 3 year olds about gay and lesbian” crowd who don’t think teaching aromantic, asexual and amatanormitivty is an approperate conversation  for anyone under 12

why would you tell a little kid “some people don’t have those kinds of feelings for people”

aphobia is so funny to me. like. you’re mad just bc i refuse to have some bitches and just wanna do my thing?

I don't think younger/newer users fully grasp the shit show that ace discourse was around 2014-17

It was so hostile that, to this day, discussions that begin to derail just enough can make me physically nauseous, some specific mockery trigger crying sessions years later. We lost most accounts with any sort of ace positivity. There was no information, no support, and all this damage was done predominantly by other queer people.

All this to say that you, however you identify yourself, should be engaging with aphobic comments the same way you do any hate. We don't sugarcoat or try to be comprehensive with people who are blatantly racist, homophobic or terfs, so why give it a pass just because it's coming from a queer person? I see how this tolerance goes and it's done enough damage as it is.

I don't think younger/newer users fully grasp the shit show that ace discourse was around 2014-17

It was so hostile that, to this day, discussions that begin to derail just enough can make me physically nauseous, some specific mockery trigger crying sessions years later. We lost most accounts with any sort of ace positivity. There was no information, no support, and all this damage was done predominantly by other queer people.

All this to say that you, however you identify yourself, should be engaging with aphobic comments the same way you do any hate. We don't sugarcoat or try to be comprehensive with people who are blatantly racist, homophobic or terfs, so why give it a pass just because it's coming from a queer person? I see how this tolerance goes and it's done enough damage as it is.

so you know how a lot of queer people grow up in a homophobic and purity obsessed environment? i feel like i almost had the opposite. i grew up in a relatively sex positive household with decent enough sex ed at school. abstinence was never pushed on me. i didn't grow up feeling like there was anything wrong with queerness... unless that queerness was aromanticism and asexuality. yes, i was lucky to grow up in an open minded household, but that doesn't mean i had a perfect childhood. no matter if you grew up in a conservative environment or an open minded one, if you're an aspec kid, you gonna get fucked up.

if you grew up conservative, it might seem like a virtue at first. you're one of the "good" kids because you're not interesting in dating, you're perfectly happy to "wait" because you don't understand what the rush is. until you become an adult and suddenly you're hounded with questions. why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? who are you going to marry? when are you going to marry? when you get married you'll be able to have lots of sex, as a reward for waiting. what do you mean you don't actually want sex? that's unnatural. you need to reproduce. now it's no longer a good thing to be disinterested. there is something wrong with you.

if you grew up in an open minded environment, it's very isolating. from my experience at least, you're hyperaware that everyone else is experiencing these feelings that you don't, and everyone is saying how normal it is, all teenagers have these feelings. you're not interested in boys? it's okay to like girls. look how progressive we are. why do you still look lost? who do you have a crush on? when are you going to start dating? why can't you be a normal teenager? you'll understand when you're older. sex is a normal and expected part of being an adult. why do you look uncomfortable? when are you going to lose your virginity? virginity is shameful. it means you're ugly. what a loser.

so yeah. i guess i'm lucky to grow up in the household i did. i'm trans and so grateful my family is supportive. but they don't know about my aroaceness. it's the part of my identity that makes me feel the least safe. i feel like i have the opposite problem of an allo person who grew up conservative. i'm an aspec person who grew up in an environment where sex was seen as normal and healthy to the point that not being interested was seen as abnormal and unhealthy. no matter what, aspec kids are shamed. the best case scenario would be a gay kid growing up in the latter situation. there is no best case scenario for aspec kids. and there won't be until aromanticism and asexuality are given widespread awareness and acceptance.

Submitted May 13, 2023

Everyone is all for sex positivity until aroallos want equality, huh?

Everyone is all for stopping the sexualization of women until they’re ace, hm?

Everyone is all for community and openness until cishet aces or aros want to be rightfully recognized as queer, right?

Stop the aphobic bullshit and take a step back. Look at your biases. Look at the language you use and realize how mean you’re being. Learn from your mistakes and become a kinder person.

I used to be aphobic. I didn’t understand how someone could feel little to no romantic attraction especially, and it was because I am very alloromantic. But that is exactly how homophobes look at the rest of the queer community. Since they don’t experience the attraction we do, the choose to believe it’s not real.

Just because you don’t fully understand what it’s like to be aspec doesn’t mean you should be hating aspec people. They are queer too. Fucking treat them as such.

I don't care how much you reblog ace positivity posts if you don't learn to recognize and call out every form of radical feminism in queer spaces. My community was decimated and our support systems destroyed because of this shit. Both we and the aromantic community have still barely recovered. Many of us won't feel safe in queer spaces ever again. And now I see the same vile shit now attacking trans mascs. Slapping "TERFs DNI" on your bio is worth fuck all if you're fine with keeping the door wide open to the same scumbaggery wearing different hats. If you aren't also dedicated to stamping out this culture of oppression Olympics, of trying to find acceptable targets by conflating individuals with oppressive systems, and making social justice into a cudgel to beat people into submission with, we're always going to be vulnerable to self-righteous bottom-feeders out only to validate their own trauma by hurting anyone within reach.

It’s All A Fucking Joke, Right

In the few months I’ve been modding at fuckyeahasexual and touring ace Tumblr, there’s been a very. Steady. Stream of info that detail horrifically abusive situations and overall poor mental unhealth. Two a week in the inbox if I’m lucky, usually around seven-ten.

And there’s been so many, I can officially categorize all 500+ of these kinds of asks and submissions into an extensive bulletlist of Why Asexual Exclusionary Radicalism Is Incredibly Toxic And Shitty;

Coming Out To Family, Friends, And Employers

“My parents keep telling me that I’m something else, and it’s making me doubt my sense of judgement, not just about my sexual identity, but also about everything in general.”

“My family, friends, and co-workers keep referring to me as an inanimate object in a manner that’s clearly meant to humiliate and devastate me. Nothing I say will get them to stop.”

“My parents vocally/bodily forced me to undergo medical examinations, some of them concerning my sexual organs, many of them concerning blood tests and other trauma-centric procedures.”

“My family is intervening with my private life by changing my schedule to include exercise, socialization, friend influences, and whatever they think can ‘change’ me.”

“My friends/co-workers no longer respect my bodily boundaries when I came out to them, because they no longer see me as someone who should be respected. They regularly touch, fondle, grope, and prod me without permission, and/or verbally harass me, and don’t take my objections seriously.”

“My family, friends, and co-workers no longer just harass me, but also anyone I’m currently dating because they view my significant other as pathetic, underserved, or even being abused.”

First Few Days Of Dating

“My date got irrationally angry and confrontational when I came out to them, in a manner that made me fearful.” (SO many of these.)

“My date immediately lost any respect they had for my boundaries, no longer asked for consent, and {tried to} force themselves upon me.” (A lot of these, too)

“My date tried to verbally circumvent any boundaries and issues I confessed to, and it made me feel like I was in danger.”

“I didn’t come out to my date at first, and when they found out, they radically changed their behavior in an attempt to control and manipulate our new relationship to their benefit.”

Long-Term Relationships

“My partner has forcefully and radically changed our long-term relationship after finding out about my asexuality, and I’m now trapped and controlled in a way that I wasn’t before.”

“My partner broke up with me/is fighting with me because of my asexuality, and trying to make it seem like I’m hurting them. It’s made me doubt myself and my ability to trust my own intentions.”

“My partner is slowly changing from what was once supportive of my asexuality, and I’m wondering when I have the right to be worried and when I’d be overreacting. I’m aware of the worst case scenario, but I also worry that I’m being selfish and childish - which are things I’ve been told all throughout my asexual experience.”

Self-Care And Self Development

“I don’t trust my ability to say either yes or no in sexual situations, and this has extended to my life in general. I don’t feel comfortable in my ability to self-determinate.”

“The lack of authority, definition, and schooling of the concept of asexuality has made me very uncomfortable with what I think I am, and that uncertainty haunts me every waking moment.”

“I think it’s too late/too early to tell if I’m asexual, but the longer I hesitate, the worse my mental health and emotional wellbeing gets. I’m effectively stuck.”

“I see no benefit in coming out, or even identifying as asexual. There’s no positivity, role models, or supportive community for what I consider a big and scary part of my overall identity.”

“I think this was sexual abuse, but I’m wondering if I’m just being selfish and childish.”

“I think I was treated badly by my parents/friends/partner, but I’m wondering if I’m just being selfish and childish.”

“I want to believe that I’m deserving of equal freedom and human respect paid to other, not asexual people, but people tell me I’m being selfish and childish.”

“No one encourages this part of me. And that makes me feel forgotten and abandoned in general.”

Shut the fuck up about your petty beef with tumblr bloggers and youtubers and Archie comics or whatever. I literally do not care, I can’t care. I see these messages every goddamn day - this post was written and drafted a month ago, and I very easily compiled most of this bulletpoint list from scratch, just by eyeing what I see in the askbox and what comes across my dash. 

‘Ace discourse’ anger is empty and so meaningless. This is what I see by being part of this one 17k follow asexual ask blog for maybe half a year. I am so Done with all the faux rage posts and all the false positivity about how it’s ok to NOT be ace and all the acephobia that falls perfectly in line with the gaslighting typical of acephobia-101 while also having the audacity to claim it not so.

This is what’s real and I want to bleed it into your goddamn eyes.

my favourite aphobic argument is that somehow ace people in relationships are abusive for not having sex with their (non asexual) partner

uwu relationships are all about compromise and that means the only one who actually has to do any compromising is always the asexual partner or else they’re abusive uwu 

The whole “Asexuality is just about choosing who to fuck or choosing not to fuck” shit is hilarious because this bullshit little ism can literally be applied to the entirety of the LGBTQ community -except- for Trans people.

“Stop shoving homosexuality down my throat bc who you choose to fuck isnt my business” “Homosexuality is a choice”. <—-ALL THE EXACT SAME FUCKING ENERGY.

“Nobody cares about who you choose to fuck” or “Just because you wont fuck X doesnt make you special” isnt new, it has been used against the lgbq community since for fucking ever. And lets not even get into how many of yall say asexuality/etc isnt real and is just trauma or mental illness and shit like that. You think that shit is new? You think “Who hurt you?” and “You need therapy” is unique and groundbreaking?

Really goes to show how far too many of you are heavily impressionable minors and havent been around the block enough times to know bullshit when you see it.

For instance, an entire vapid, irrational backlash started by TERFs that keeps mutating like a virus. But I’m sleep tho….

Fucking THINK, damn. You’re literally just repackaging flimsy right wing rhetoric and weaponizing it against whatever flavor of the week has your panties in a bunch

So within two days of each other, Fox News writes an article comparing aromanticism and asexuality to pedophilia, and then Matt Walsh releases a video saying asexuality is a mental illness and asexuals are tricking teenagers into having depression.

Not sure what’s going on right now over in Conservative World, but it’s a hell of wild U-turn for them to suddenly switch from “Oh no! The left is sexualizing our children!” to “Oh no! The left is asexualizing our children!”

aspec people excluded from the queer community.

trans people excluded from the queer community.

nonbinary people excluded from the trans community.

people with personality disorders excluded from the mentally ill/neurodivergent community

schizo-spec/psychotic people excluded from the neurodivergent community.

it's the exact same thing every single time. exactly the same. why do people try to single out and exclude specific groups within their groups? I'm sure there is quite a variety of reasons, and a few I can think of, but regardless, it is blatantly the exact same shit every time. it reads the same. and it is so infuriating and appalling to witness.

just saw a whole bunch of fics shipping a canonically aroace character who is canonically sex and romance repulsed...just...why...you wouldn't do that to a gay or bi person would you? So why is aroace any different

@emdez

to answer your questions, he released a 19+ page pdf on his twitter. He was forced to reveal a lot of personal details of his personal life, including his sexuality. why? what started this? his ex. the xenophobic and racist people on the internet. toxic fans of quackity.

Will he be okay? time will tell.

im sorry we had to learn about it this way

Saw this on r/LGBT and figured my aspec followers would enjoy.

what’s the point of the “aro and ace ppl aren’t oppressed!!” card to exclude us?

like first of all, aros and aces ARE oppressed in such an amatonormative world, but even if we weren’t, isn’t it the biggest goal of the lgbtq+ community to not be oppressed one day? we want a world where gay and lesbian people are no longer oppressed, which is a great thing, but when that happens, are we suddenly going to drop them from the community just because they “aren’t oppressed anymore”?

since when has oppression played a part in whether or not someone is queer?? trans women tend to get more shit than trans men even though both are severely oppressed, so are the former somehow more queer than the latter? last time i checked, the answer was, and still is, no...

if you aren’t allocishet, then you can consider yourself a member of the lgbtq+ community; not because of the oppression you face, but because you deviate from the allonormative, amatonormative, monormative, cisnormative, or heteronormative structures of society. period

arophobic ppl r the weakest links cuz tell me why

I can't believe I have to say this but

Asexual people are in the lgbtq community!! Stop acting like we're not

The entire point of this community is to have a safe space and accepting group of people for those who don't align with the majority of our current society and face discrimination for not being part of the norm

It's not about "if you're gay enough", it's about finding safety in a large group of people and fighting for our rights.