Cdd Alter - Tumblr Posts

Hi, everyone, I'm Erwin (he/him). I'm a DID alter who was dormant for maybe 8 years? So this is my own little blog, where I can talk about the struggles of being an alter gaining consciousness after being inactive for almost a decade and how weird age and time is for me

Life was very different for us when I split off and when I went dormant, so I feel like a fish out of water right now. It is as if I am much different from the rest of the system, who seem to have so much in common, so now I'm trying to figure out where I fit into this group of people

I have a hard time putting my feelings into words right now, but I hope to explain how it feels to be me as I learn and grow, so that's partly what this blog is for

I feel like I need to introduce myself better, but that might be another post. This one is already a mess 😅

Age is very weird when you got a complex dissociative disorder

I am physically 28, but internally, I see myself as a man in my late 30s, but also I formed as an alter when we were 18 or so and then I went dormant for most of our 20s, so even though I identify as older than the rest, I almost feel like I'm the youngest. I feel awkward and insecure like I was when I stumbled through the last part of high school as a misdiagnosed neurodivergent person who was bullied and mocked for "being weird". I feel like a teenage girl even if I internally see myself as a man nearing 40. I was formed by the brain of a high schooler and since I went dormant for almost a decade, I kinda didn't mature in many ways. It's especially weird being an introject and feeling this special type of shame around not being as capable as your source. I am not some strong man, who can handle intense stress. I'm essentially a traumatised child playing pretend. I'm holding on to so much shame and guilt for being such a poor excuse of an adult person. I feel so anxious and wrong for just existing - just like I, or we, did back when I split off

I'm still trying to get used to our current life as a 28 year old living alone away from our abusers, and hopefully I will feel more mature as I process my trauma and forgive my past self. But as of now, I am basically a 38 year old man in a 28 year old body with the mind of an 18 year old neurodivergent girl from 2014

Actually yes, at least for what I been reading about introjecting in general psychological context and introjecting in OSDDID context I can say it is because of that

Some definitions easy to find in google about introjection in non-OSDDID context are:

The unconscious adoption of the thoughts or personality traits of others. It occurs as a normal part of development, such as a child taking on parental values and attitudes.

Introjection, one of many defense mechanisms posited by Sigmund Freud, occurs when a person internalizes the ideas or voices of other people. Some mental health professionals believe that introjection is a protective strategy that children employ in order to cope with unavailable parents or guardians: By unconsciously absorbing the characteristics of parents, children reassure themselves that some aspect of the parent is present even if the parent is physically absent. Depending on the types of attitudes that are picked up, introjection may lead to positive or negative effects.

So yeah, introjecting is a coping mechanism of the brain, when you get fixated in some show or media you tend to mimic and introject parts of the media in yourself as a way to understand, act and cope with the external world

If this mimicking and helping is seen as something that is needed for the brain is normal for the brain to make introjects

Basically I just expanded a little bit about how this works, I lazy to do a better explanation lol

I wonder if people who are autistic and have OSDDID are more likely to have introjects because it's so common for singlet autistic people to mimic/mirror others behaviors

My fave part about being an actor persecutor host is everyone seeing me and treating me like "Aww you're such a cute, good person, so sad you're traumatized and people broke you" and treat me like I'm a good person who is genuinely desirable and sweet to be around

But when I get enough confidence I became the anti-christ /hj

No one believes me till they see my real face that I try to change and hide from society lol

—🐺🦉

I want to do it yey

system ask game! send the corresponding emoji(s) & the person who reblogged this may answer the question. :-)

🥀 - do you keep track of your alter count? how do you do so?

🫀 - do you have non-human alters? what species are they?

🍄 - when did you realise you had a complex dissociative disorder?

📻 - do you experience amnesia?

🥩 - who was the most recent split?

🦴 - do you have an innerworld? what does it look like?

🦷 - what’s a fun fact about the current fronter(s)?

💀 - is your system more overt or covert?

🍷 - does your music taste differ from alter to alter? how?

🦇 - do you have any friends with CDDs?

📺 - are you “heavy” with any type of alter? (e.g. little-heavy, introject-heavy, etc.)

this is for traumagenic systems! thank you.

If we did alter intros for some of the frequent fronters and me, the host, would y'all read it??

✎...Side blogs list (Not personal)↫

This posts is to enlist all our side blogs that aren't personal and are system related so if you wanna go and check them out, or if you know one of this and want to interact more with the system behind them!

[For the alter and some alter sideblogs list look here]

We also gonna add some kind of description to the side blogs so you understand better about them

This might be constantly updated because we love making side blogs, so keep this in mind to check it sometimes to see if there's an update

@syspport

Syspport is a blog oriented to help & support CDD systems with all kinds of problems, we also do requests of multiple kind of things and sometimes we do positivity and validation posts

Information, ask and visibilization of things are one of our goals, we want people to understand and know a little bit more about CDD and how they can understand this disorders in a way it can be helpful

Is a safe space to learn, ask, and request, an all in one place!!

@nonaltercdd

Non alter CDD is a blog oriented to all the aspects outside the alters in the CDDs, to bring awareness and visibilize the other aspects in hopes the CDD community stop treating this disorders like "the alters disorder" and more like a complex and difficult disorder

This is a completely safe space and open to interaction, questions, ask, positivity, visibilization, vents and all those things are allowed, the only rule is that it's about CDD and isn't about the alter part, or if you're gonna bring them out the alters aren't the main topic

@cringesys

The cringe systems place is a blog for all the systems who are cringe or considered cringe for one or another reason to have a safe place to be themselves without being judge

This blog mainly functions with "Cringe system culture is" kind of posts, but isn't exclusively to that

@sillysystems

The silly systems is a blog for all the systems to be as silly they want, to share about something they find silly about themselves or similar things, just to be silly, random and all that kind of stuff, it's a safe space where no one's gonna judge you because for being a silly system/alter

@queersys

Queer systems place is a blog for all the systems who are queer (this can be because of one or multiple alters, or being collectively queer) to have a safe space to talk about it and express themselves without the fear of being judged or something similar

We accept all kind of requests, but mostly there are "Queer system culture is" and similar ones to that

@systorytimes

System storytimes is a blog to share storytimes of your system, this can be any kind of storytimes that are aligned to your CDD, can be good, bad or neutral, we don't judge

The point is sharing your experiences and storytimes you want and giving a place for all the systems who want to

@antipsychiatrist

Fuck psychiatrists is a blog that talks critically about the psychiatric field and how there's a lot of abuse, neglect and ableism in the mental health area, specially surrounding psychiatric

Here you can be real and serious about how fucked up the mental health area is regarding the CDD, because this blog is about CDD and for pwCDD, so all this is centric about that, but of course if someone wants to make a submission/ask about this that mix CDD and other disorder or something similar is completely allowed

An interactive blog for all the pwCDD to give their opinions and share their experiences, start talks and ask questions, a critical serious space that sometimes has little hater vibes

@otherkinsys

Otherkin Systems Realm is a blog for all the systems who are also in the otherkin/therian community, this can be collectively or because one or a group of alters, to have a safe place to be themselves, share about their experiences and feel understood without being judge

@cddcommunity

The CDD community is a blog to talk about the CDD community, not only here on tumblr, but in all the internet in general

You can share experiences, vent, send ask and all that kind of things, all about the CDD community. You can be critical about how the current CDD community is, the topics, dramas and all the things going on around here in the community, is to talk about the good, the neutral and the bad things regarding the CDD community, no one's gonna judge you for what you say here, it's a safe space to share about how the CDD community is and works on internet

This isn't a syscourse blog, but syscourse mention is allowed do the nature of the blog and the CDD community

@octendo

Night Ravens is our syscourse blog, not only about endo syscourse but general syscourse, although the blog is kinda lonely because we have to be in the syscourse mood and there are always a lot of text posts or simply short generalized posts to be open to discussion

There's not much to say about this blog, but please let's keep separate this blog form our personal blog (this one)

This is all, if you like this blogs and want more interaction with us go ahead, we love interacting!!

Also if you want a side blog of a specific topic regarding systems go ahead and tell us, we'll gladly do it, more side blogs probably are being think off to make ✨

I just realize the reason why I didn't like to investigate or talk about CDD but I used to have that as an hyperfix is because of splitting

I split an alter who was so so fixated on the topic that every friend we have and even in the own system we called them "The CDD master", now he splitted and it's not here anymore, and I fused with some of their fragments and I'm again fixed on this topics

This alter kept my hyperfix when it split... HE TOOK PART OF MY IDENTITY TO FORM HIS 😭

Bro's sucking my hyperfix/special interest

This is just another prove that alters don't make more identities, is just dividing and having less identity distributed in several parts

It happened us very similar and more confusing tbh

DID -> I can't be a system that's ridiculous -> P-DID -> OSDD -> What am I saying this isn't posible -> DID -> pfDID

yall heard of osdd to pfdid pipeline but have you heard of

did -> im not a system -> osdd -> pdid -> polyfragmented pdid (i was unaware that pdid didnt actually fit my symptoms and it isnt possible to be pdid and polyfrag to my knowledge) -> pfdid

Thinking about doing a sideblog just for me, the host, to have a more personal like blog outside the collective one

But I don't know, probably gonna end up more lonely than this blog because is very rare for us to get a little bit o attention in this blog

(If we don't count my lovely son who always react to my posts, love ya)

is it okay to treat alters like their source if they ask/want to be treated that way?

Why wouldn't be ok? If they ask to and want that go ahead and do it

The phrase "Don't treat alters like their source" it's because a lot of alters don't ID with source, have problems with it and prefer to not be treated as it, or in some cases people minimize the alter just to their source when we have to remember that their more than their source

Source separation is good for some alters, for some others is not and it can be harmful in some cases, like a lot of things is "it depends"

I could talk about all the implications and all that info but I don't want to fill my main blog with this topic, I mostly use our @syspport for that (so if you want a more in depth response and want to make more specific questions related to that topic you can go there and do it), and maybe I'll use the @cddcommunity blog to talk about how the community treats the introjects and sources things

Thanks for the ask! I don't normally get asks here so seeing an ask mayme so happy /pos

Sometimes I know a fragment exist because they fused LOOOOL

✎...Side blogs list (Personal)↫

This posts is to enlist almost all our side blogs that are personal like alters and grouping of alters so if you wanna go and check them out, or if you know one of this and want to interact more with the system behind them!

[For the non personal but more CDD community/system related sideblogs list look here]

We also gonna add some kind of description to the side blogs so you know about them before looking at them

This might be constantly updated because we love making side blogs, so keep this in mind to check it sometimes to see if there's an update

⋆ Alter Sideblogs ⋆

@namelnom

Principal host personal blog. He's a problematic and persecutor se be cautious when looking at their blog if you want to see it

Most of the content isn't going to be system related because of Namelnom's nature to forget the rest of the alters are there and deny the polyfrag DID that's pretty obvious we have. But when he does post system related he's probably gonna reblog them here too

100% recommend to read their pinned post before interacting and seeing the blog, they don't have a filter and might be triggering in some posts he mades

Says he's introvert but he's actually pretty extrovert so feel free to interact and send asks to him, just be cautious

@rowlpy

Ex principal host, not sure if he's still host or just frequent fronter

Most of its content can be divided in:

CDD related

SP related

Our system related

Pokemon related

So it might be a kinda silly and chill blog to follow and see

Also he's very shy and introvert so if you're going to interact or try to start friendly conversation or something similar be respectful, he's trying its best

⋆ Alter Groups Sideblogs ⋆

@thermelalters

Thermel alters is a blog runned by four octives of our system, this octives are a family and didn't want separate personal blogs so they decided to go on with just one shared blog

I highly recommend seeing their pinned post because it has clarifications and information you need to know before following/interacting

They're pretty chill and are ok with interaction and questions

@factivehaters

Factive haters is a blog for our factives to be haters and yap about their sources

We found a pattern with our factives being disappointed and/or mad with their sources because 95% of the factives in our system are because their sources did shit to us, so they want to be little haters and yap about it

They founded funny that the name could be misinterpreted as a blog that hates the existence of factives as factives themselves running the blog

I recommend not seeing this blog if you don't like cursing, sarcastic and bad comments about people, have to clarify this alters do not condone harassment to their sources, they're also gonna censor and give nicknames to them for privacy reasons

@arachnidsubsys

Arachnid subsystem is our most active subsystem that tends to front most, they want a more prominent online presence to feel more separate from their sources (As a subsystem made purely of factives) so they made a blog for themselves

They don't feel comfortable in our general blog, so if you want to know them it has to be in their blog

Disclaimer, their blog is manly for them to vent, but not exclusive to that, and they're ok with interaction

(Do not ask them to activate asks, they're gonna activate it when they're ready to do it)

@mebhate

M.E.B hater trio is a blog runned by three prosecutors/persecutors and they're gonna be pretty aggressive in there

They don't mind interaction if isn't to change their views or tell them they're doing bad/hurt, they're aware of that, they just don't care and want to throw all their hate and pain in some random account

They don't condone harassment to the three targets of their blog, because yes, they're targeting three specific people, they will censor all the names to keep this three people anonymous

If you're triggered by very sensitive topics or dislikes hate blogs towards specific people I do not recommend looking at their blog, block them please

If you're willing to see be sure to see the pinned post to know what the blog's more about

That's basically all of the blogs now, they're fairly new so expect most of them to be empty, just wait and you'll find their pinned post right before hand

And remember, this are the ones done in the moment, we might be adding more as more alters feel free to have an online presence

It was a real roller coaster, it was a mix of a bunch of this things and similar things... It was wild because I tend to forget about it and till I accept it well I remember all those past semi-discoveries (I call them like that because I was aware of the disorder but not the system... Does that make sense??)

This is regardless of if you are self diagnosed or professionally diagnosed.

We have the common introjects out there in our system

The ones who are kinda strange but we're ok because they look cool, like a internet introject? Yeah it's weird but it looks hell good so it's not that bad yk

And then...

THEN WE HAVE THIS MF-

WE NEEDED TO MAKE THIS PFP BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANTED THE SP LOGO JUST PUT IN THEIR PROFILE

WE HAVE A FUCKING BALL OF SP STOOOP 😭

We drew one of our persecutors because he's been feeling pretty sad early so we made this little gif for him

Spoiler, it didn't work to make him feel better T-T

I do make lineart different from the host lol, but because the drawing was made by the host in paper and I just did it digitally well it looks kinda mixed for me

Anyways, I liked the drawing so I'm sharing it lol