Depressive Episode - Tumblr Posts
The crash & burn is here. Hate this life.
*Update* snapped out of it, Filth got me smiling again ☺️
Been through this depressive episode long enough! I don't wanna lose the high I'm on. Please don't crash and burn! Always pick yourself back up because you know you can and you are worth it.
art block is kicking my ass rn, bc what do you mean i’ve got hundreds of ideas but can’t bother to actually draw any of them? and when i finally do draw something i just get frustrated bc it never turns out the way i want it to.
this was 12 yr old me's shit.
I treasure those days when I get to smoke cigarettes or two, maybe some weed.
the day I go to bed without a single meal in my stomach.
the days when my friends and family openly express their love to me.
the days I spend getting so much work done I feel like I have something to offer the world.
the days when I feel comfortable in my skin.
I treasure those day because they are so rare, because I lack self control and potential and freedom and security and love and genuine happiness.
I dont think i ever will, so i treasure the day I do.
In my tragic heart, there’s nothing more disgusting than this depression
My friends really have that “go be sad somewhere else” vibe
mmm since we’ve been researching this the past few days: (putting them in simplest terms)
mania - a period of being unstably elated to the point you may need to be hospitalized (a manic episode is usually a week or more). this may include not sleeping, engaging in dangerous behaviors, having extreme trouble focusing, and everything listed in hypomania
hypomania - a period of being elated to the point others notice. this may include speaking faster, being restless, difficulty sleeping, difficulty concentrating, engaging in reckless behaviors, higher sex drive.
bipolar disorder - a disorder where you have at least one manic episode and depressive episode with in your life. usually a (hypo)manic episode is followed by a depressive episode. (bipolar 1 is full mania and bipolar 2 is hypomania)
depression - a condition characterized by feeling sad, losing interest and motivation, changes in appetite, changes in sleep, and brain fog for at least two weeks
depressive episode - feeling sad, losing interest and motivation, changes in appetite, changes in sleep, and brain fog for at least a week, usually closer to two months
borderline personality disorder - a disorder when you have repetitive extreme mood swings, difficulty maintaining relationships, and feeling worthless.
borderline episode - when you have a negative mood swing and feel a lot of emotions. this often leads to suicidal thoughts and sh. usually lasts less than 24 hours.
hyperfixation - when you neurodivergent ppl get a crumb of serotonin from something/hj /lh. when a nd person becomes so interested in something they have difficulty doing anything aside from that and it consumes their thoughts, may cause a loss of sleep or healthy behaviors. (usually 3 hours to 3 days, although variation) (adhd)
special interest - a long term fascination for with something that brings an incomparable amount of serotonin. often the focal point of someones thoughts. (usually a week to lifelong) (autism)
sensory overload - when your mind cannot process a lot of sensory input and it becomes difficulty to focus and interact with others. (nd)
depersonalization - feeling disconnected from yourself, watching yourself in third person
derealization - feeling disconnected from reality, may be related to an existential crisis
anxiety attack - a longer feeling of overwhelming anxiety, usually with a certain cause
panic attack - a short feeling of unbelievable fear and pain, often compared to a heart attack. often with no determinable cause or because of a trigger.
compulsion - a behavior you have to do or you feel fear or panic (usually with ocd as a result of an obsession)
tic - a behavior you cannot control, often jerky body movements or saying something
stim - a stimulating behavior that feels good, you can stop and just feel kind of disappointed or upset
not a mental health professional just a lot of time and anxiety
I'm slowly coming back to the place where I was before anyone was taking care of me...by anyone I mean psychologist and psychiatrist
And I like it...I miss that times when I had nothing to lose....when I was just sad and that was all that mattered... when I could fall into my darkness and be even more nothing...when I could only think about different ways to end my life...when I cut without being scared that someone will see or someone will ask...
I'll be there soon, I promise...
We're falling again....
Again we will disappear
And no one can save us ...
Our arms covered in new cuts and old scars....
We love that....
Idk why I wrote it as 'we' yet I don't mind it....
ah yes, being stuck in a depressive episode when i have 123747939303 projects and assignments due monday, gotta be one of my favorite genders
Im a fucking burdon to society but at the same time I'm just a number no one cares if I'm subtracted from the equation it won't matter i find it funny tbh that i feel this way because i do have people that care on the outside but deep down I'm just a burden to them too
Impatient psychwards wont help bc all they do is keep you inside they don't actually come up with coping skills for when you are obsessed with someone or when you're homicidal or when you have panic attacks because you feel like you're being abandoned trust me I've been in one they don't help
