Dv - Tumblr Posts
First morning of the year
This morning we paid a visit to the St. Honoré French boulangerie. We journeyed by foot in the cold…
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The week in the life of…. Me
The week in the life of…. Me
I have had quite the exciting week! Good things just kept on happening. To start their was a Reed Krakoff sample sale at Coach where I intern. At the sample sale there was The Boxer, The Atlantique, shoes, clutches, wallets, belts, gloves, and clothing. Let’s just say I was in heaven. I ended up getting a bag for myself for only $200 when the original price was about $1,600. Next in the week was…
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Way back when, Nico Rosberg noticed women in the US have weirdly short maternity leave. Lewis rightly compares Florida to Saudi in terms of oppression. Can we get every sodding fawning article on Brad Pitt to include "woman beater, child abuser and builder of inadequate housing to survivors of Hurricane Katrina" after his name? FFS he's a rotten creature.
Los hilos ocultos de la moda: André Leon Talley & D.V.
Los hilos ocultos de la moda: André Leon Talley & D.V.
Hay algo oculto en toda narración. La estructura con la que el relato se va formando sigue un camino sinuoso y difícil que debe pasar desapercibido para el ojo lector. En Moda, ese esqueleto se admira de dentro afuera pues el resultado depende de su arquitectura interior, y el genio modista se halla escondido, precisamente, en esa maraña de hilos que construyen una obra de arte Lejos de discutir…
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I Got A New Phone
I'm playing around with the ring tones, attributing specific ones to my regular people.
The tone I used for texts from him was in the list of possibilities. When I heard it my stomach dropped and I broke out into a sweat.
Does this shit ever stop?
I included the times he asked me sarcastically. You know, the days where he thought I may have had a day he would consider better than his.
I retrospect, even in the honeymoon stage, he was never too interested in finding out more about me.
Strange behaviour toward someone he professed to love.
Little things
You know, in the last 10 years I think I could count on one hand the number of times he asked me how my day was.
How It Feels
Part II: Emotionally Abusive Relationships
Picture the shittiest customer service job you’ve ever had. Customers are constant and you’re so overwhelmed you can’t think about yourself at all. Your personal life, your bodily needs (you don’t even get a lunch break; when was the last time you had water?) or your emotions.
You’re expected to perform perfectly and to always keep a smile on your face, no matter what. You need to be polite and accommodating even if people are screaming at you, and even if people threaten you for no reason.
Your boss thinks you’re an idiot and is constantly condescending and patronizing. He explains your own job to you and implies you’re incompetent, but to avoid offending him, you can’t defend yourself, you can only thank him for his ‘advice.’ He can snap at any minute and fire you, and you need the job desperately, because he has all kinds of contacts and influences in the community and will make sure no one ever hires you again. He makes it very clear that he owns you, but would never say so outright.
You are not allowed to talk to anyone about how bad this job is, under contract. He considers it unprofessional and a threat to the success of his company, and has threatened to sue if any employees quit and talk about the reasons they quit. He has the power to make your life even worse than it is now.
But outside the workplace, your boss is known as a philanthropist. He is generous and charismatic, and everyone constantly reminds you how lucky you are for getting the job.
Now picture that feeling not just at work, but everywhere. This environment is your home. This person sleeps in your bed. They go everywhere with you, or demand you check in all the time. They know all your passwords. They look through your search history. They have access to everything you know and have and are.
You still have to be polite, accommodating, apologetic, understanding, thankful. You still have to keep smiling.
A text from January 31, 2017
wow all you need to do is surprise me with dinner, a new job, a three some, a vacation and a apartment (or your own home big enough for me)
and i would be dating you.
He used to tell me that if I tried to say no to sex that I was being manipulative. My witholding was "punishing" him in an emotionally abusive way.
So I'd wipe the tears off my face, take a few deep breaths and let him have whatever he wanted.
I can smile and turn on the charm and climb on top of your dick five minutes after you called me a useless cunt. I’m so good at at “ getting over it ” for you; I can swallow my pain and rage for an eternity.
I am organizing and shredding paperwork today. It's an insurmountable task and it makes me sick to my stomach. It's the only chore that gives me irrefutable proof of failures and horrible memories.
I have found so many things with both of our names on it still. Every time I think I've got it all, I find another stash.
If I was still with him during the pandemic and lockdown I am sure he would have murdered me by now.
For those of you still stuck in an impossible situation, I promise you can also have a quiet little life. Amd you deserve it.
A life where you won't find yourself involuntarily holding your breath when they come into a room. A life where you don't have to question what you remember or what you think. A life where people make you feel comfortable and confident in who you are.
There is a life out there that doesn't include them. I hope that soon you'll believe that, even with its challenges, that life will be beautiful and so much better than the hell you're living now.
I hope that for all of you.
She's upstairs baking while I'm in the basement wrapping presents. I keep laughing as I'm scrambling to hide her gifts every time she comes down to make me do 'quality control."
Four years ago I couldn't even imagine a life this peaceful.
Being sick is an excuse: Episode 2
He read that period cramps really aren't that bad, and that women fake the pain to get out of things or garner sympathy. On the scale of what others with uteri have, i get off easy. But there's usually a fee hours a month where I'm going to bed and not getting anything done.
He realized that if he screamed in my face long enough I'd get up and do what he wanted. Id just work through the pain.
And he'd say "see? It's not so bad. You can still do it.." in a tone that implied that he had done me a favour.
Or what?!
On rare occasions, I would take the tiniest step toward defending myself.
“Please don’t talk to me like that.”
The response was always the same.
“Or what?!”
“Or nothing? Just don’t.”
He did not know how to navigate a world without threats. I didn’t use a threat to establish a boundary and he interpreted that as a green light to continue the behaviour. He thought I offered nothing of value if I didn’t see it as something to withhold.
Don’t get me wrong here. There are consequences for your actions, and repeated disrespect in a relationship probably should end in its termination. But a constant tit for tat situation is petty at best, and that’s not the type of partner I am.
So I never took that bait and I think I disappointed him with my response. He had probably rehearsed a nasty retort to “Or I’ll leave you” that he never got to use. Pity.
Just talked to another girl who fled an abusive partner.
Hers was even worse than mine. Jeez.
