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7 Subtle Ways People Try to Sabotage Young Women
In my teens and twenties, people often told me I'd look great with short hair or suggested I buy clothing that didn't suit my figure, age, or personal style.
Their unsolicited "advice" confused me. For the longest time, I thought, why would you suggest this? Don't you have eyes in your head?
Oh, how young and naive I was.
Now, in my thirties, I know what all that poor unsolicited advice people dumped on me was about.
The point was to try to nerf my natural attractiveness and personality. That way, others who felt like they operated with less would look better in comparison.
Sabotage, especially subtle sabotage, can come in many forms. It's often disguised as advice or concern.
These are the most common ways people, intentionally or not, try to undermine young women.
Take the following "advice" with a grain of salt, even if coming from a close person.
🔪1. Appearance-Based Sabotage
Hair and makeup: Telling you to cut your hair shorter or wear less makeup, implying that you should be "less high-maintenance" or that natural looks are "more professional," when in reality, they may be trying to diminish your confidence or attractiveness.
Clothing: Suggesting you wear baggy or unflattering clothes under the guise of being "more comfortable" or "modest," which could be a way to make you appear less confident or attractive. Also suggesting clothing that ages you unnecessarily.
Body shaming: Making comments that subtly criticize your body, such as implying you should lose or gain weight, which can undermine your self-esteem.
🔪2. Career and Ambition Sabotage
Downplaying achievements: Minimizing your successes or implying they are due to luck rather than your skills, which can erode your confidence in your abilities.
Discouraging ambition: Telling you to be "realistic" or not aim too high, suggesting that you should settle for less in your career or personal goals.
"Nice girl" syndrome: Advising you to be more agreeable or not to assert yourself too much, as it might make you "unlikable" or "bossy," which can inhibit your leadership potential.
🔪3. Relationship Sabotage
Undermining relationships: Suggesting that you are "too picky" or should settle in your relationships, which can lead to accepting less from a partner than you deserve.
Toxic advice on boundaries: Encouraging you to ignore red flags or be more accommodating in relationships, which can lead to unhealthy dynamics.
🔪4. Emotional and Mental Sabotage
Gaslighting: Making you question your reality or decisions, leading to self-doubt.
Playing the victim: Acting hurt or upset when you succeed or make decisions for yourself, making you feel guilty for your achievements.
Competitive undermining: Subtly competing with you in a way that makes you feel less than, such as constantly comparing themselves to you or highlighting your flaws.
🔪5. Social and Networking Sabotage
Isolation: Encouraging you to distance yourself from certain people or networks that could be beneficial to you, under the guise of protecting you from "bad influences." When in reality these very people or networks could help you succeed in your career/school or lead to other opportunities to advance.
Gatekeeping: Withholding information, contacts, or opportunities that could help you advance, while pretending to be supportive.
🔪6. Critiquing Your Personality
Labeling assertiveness as aggression: Calling you "aggressive" or "too much" when you stand up for yourself, which can push you to be more passive.
Mocking your passions: Dismissing your hobbies or interests as childish or unimportant, which can make you doubt your own preferences and values.
🔪7. Advice to Conform
Encouraging compliance: Advising you to fit in or conform to certain norms, especially if those norms are limiting or don't align with your true self. (This is different from fitting in in environments where a certain level of professionalism is needed)
Discouraging uniqueness: Telling you that certain behaviors or styles are "too out there" or "not ladylike," pushing you to suppress your individuality.
Recognizing these behaviors is important so that you can protect yourself on time, i.e. before others manipulate you into making a choice that does you no favors.
Trusting your instincts, maintaining a strong sense of self, and surrounding yourself with genuinely supportive people can help you nip these negative influences in the bud.
