Leveling Up Journey - Tumblr Posts

I used to think that the best years of my life were behind me, that the spark I had in my teenage years was something I'd never get back. But something incredible happened when I hit my 30s—I started leveling up in ways I never imagined possible.

When I was younger, I had dreams of who I wanted to be. But life has a way of throwing curveballs, and somewhere along the way, I lost sight of those dreams.

I spent years believing that I was stuck, that I missed my chance to truly become the woman I wanted to be.

But as I entered my 30s, something shifted. Maybe it was the wisdom that comes with age, or maybe it was the realization that time waits for no one, but I decided to stop waiting for the right moment and start creating it.

I was 30 when I started to see things differently. It wasn’t about reclaiming the past, but about creating a new future.

I began focusing on my health, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. I let go of toxic relationships and started nurturing the ones that made me feel alive.

I began investing in myself through education, networking, social climbing, exercise or just taking the time to care for my body and soul.

And the most important lesson I learned?

It’s never too late to become the woman you’ve always wanted to be.

My 30s became a time of transformation, a time when I finally understood that the only person who could hold me back was myself.

I stopped doubting and started doing. My glow-up wasn’t just about looking better—it was about feeling better, stronger, more confident in who I was and what I could accomplish.

Now, when I look in the mirror, I see a woman who is a product of her experiences but not defined by them. I see someone who has faced loss, health challenges and setbacks but has used them as stepping stones to become a more resilient, empowered version of herself.

So, to anyone out there feeling like they’ve missed their chance, I’m here to tell you that it’s never too late to level up.

Whether you’re 30, 40, or beyond, the best is yet to come. You have the power to create the life you want, to become the person you’ve always dreamed of being.

And trust me, the woman you’re becoming will thank you for it.

Insider Secrets: The Truth About "Old Money" Style and Breaking Into Elite Circles

As someone close to to “old money” and “new money” in Europe, I’ve learned a few secrets that I can share with you, especially if you’re trying to navigate these circles.

The trend of “old money” or “quiet luxury” style is everywhere these days. Ladies are flocking to this understated, elegant look, thinking it’s the golden ticket to penetrate old money/HNWI social circles, often driven by the hope of hypergamy.

But here’s the thing—while the allure of quiet luxury is understandable, it’s not as simple as wearing Loro Piana knits or perfectly tailored blazers.

Let me be clear:

Old money, or any big money really, isn’t just about how you dress. I’ve seen multimillionaires in torn, frayed jeans at professional events, looking like they couldn’t care less about fashion (or etiquette). Of course, I’ve also seen others in bespoke suits from Savile Row and Milanese tailors.

The common thread? Rich people wear what they want, without a second thought about how others perceive them.

Yes, brands like Loro Piana, Hermès, and Brunello Cucinelli are often associated with old money due to their quality and timeless appeal. But simply buying these pieces doesn’t grant you access to elite circles.

I’ve met women who dress head-to-toe in the latest “quiet luxury” trend—neutral cashmere, silk blouses, simple gold jewelry—yet they stand out as outsiders almost immediately.

Why?

Because it’s not about the clothes. It’s about your worldliness, your experiences, and your confidence.

Being in these circles is more about where you’ve studied, what you’ve accomplished, and where you’ve been—both geographically and culturally.

It’s the woman who spent a summer sailing the Mediterranean, the one who effortlessly converses about art, politics, and global events, or the one who knows the hidden gems in every European city because she’s lived there.

That’s what sets you apart.

Old money recognizes old money not by brands but by behaviors, experiences, and subtle cues that can’t be bought off a rack.

Wearing a Loro Piana coat (or a dupe) won’t compensate for not knowing which fork to use at a formal dinner, or being out of place in a conversation about the latest Sotheby’s auction.

Additionally, these circles are small and everyone has known each other forever. That isn't to say newcomers can't establish connections with rich people. You simply won't be seen as “one of them”, ie a person who has enjoyed the same privileges from birth.

If you really want to fit in with HNWIs, focus less on the wardrobe and more on the experiences that shape who you are.

Travel, educate yourself, cultivate diverse friendships, and engage with the world in a way that enriches you. That’s where the real currency lies.

In the end, the most important lesson is this: rich people are not a monolith. Some care about fashion and brands; many do not. What they often do care about is authenticity, and no amount of “quiet luxury” can substitute for that.

So next time you’re thinking of investing in that perfectly understated designer piece, ask yourself if it’s really what you need—or if there’s another way to truly cultivate the essence of the life you aspire to.

Stay savvy, stay genuine.

How to handle running into a former friend or ex that you’re not looking to reconnect with

Let’s talk about something we all face at some point: running into someone from your past that you’ve moved on from, whether it’s an old friend or a former lover.

You’ve done the work, you’ve grieved, and you’ve leveled up. You’re not interested in rehashing the past or rekindling that connection. But what happens when you bump into them in public?

Often when this happened to me, I found the other person missed me and wanted to spend time with me again - even when they had ghosted me. This made me uncomfortable. They had confused me, I had to grieve the loss of the relationship and now they want me again???

Believing I owed them an explanation due to happy times spent together, I let them drag me into pointless discussions to figure out what had gone wrong years ago.

Every time, I realized our connection had ended for a reason, and my explaining only opened up old wounds.

Don't do that.

Here’s how to handle encounters with former friends, lovers and foes like a boss:

1. Stay Calm and Composed

First things first—take a deep breath. You’ve already moved on emotionally, and this is just another moment in your day. You’ve got this.

2. Acknowledge Them Briefly

If you make eye contact, a simple “Hi” or “Hello” with a confident smile is more than enough. You’re showing that you’re mature, unbothered, and not holding any grudges. No need for deep dives into what happened.

3. Keep it Short

If they try to engage in small talk, go ahead and be polite, but keep it light and brief. A quick “It’s good to see you,” followed by a natural exit, sends the message that you’re not interested in going any deeper.

4. Graceful Exit Strategies

Sometimes, it’s best to have an escape plan. If the conversation starts to linger, here are some graceful ways to make your exit:

“I’d love to chat more, but I’m on a tight schedule today. Have a great day!”

“It’s nice seeing you, but I need to finish my shopping before I forget what I need.”

“I have to go; someone’s waiting for me. Take care!”

“Well, I should get going. It was nice running into you!”

“I’ll let you get back to your day. See you around!”

5. Don’t Feel the Need to Explain

If they try to bring up the past, it’s perfectly fine to deflect. A simple, “That was a long time ago, and I’m focused on the present now” will keep you from getting sucked into a conversation you’re not interested in. You’ve moved on, and your time and energy are precious.

It’s all about maintaining your peace of mind and protecting the progress you’ve made. You’ve leveled up, and you don’t need to revisit chapters you’ve already closed.

Stay polite, stay brief, and most importantly, stay focused on you. You’ve got bigger and better things to do! 💪✨

Why do I believe that I can't?

Lately, I've struggled with self-discipline and unhealthy habits. I asked myself: why do I believe that I can't?

Why do I believe that I cannot eat healthy, adhere to a schedule, and follow my exercise regimen?

Technically, I know I can: I used to do all this, and more. But in practice, I haven't been able to make myself reach the same heights.

So, why do I believe that I can't?

Maybe it's because I've let past failures weigh me down, convincing me that success is just out of reach. Maybe I've been too harsh with myself, letting negative self-talk dictate my actions—or lack thereof.

I compare myself to who I was at my peak or to others who seem to have it all together, and I feel like I fall short.

The fear of failing again looms large, making it easier to avoid trying altogether. Sometimes, it feels like perfection is the only acceptable outcome, and anything less means I shouldn't even bother.

It’s as if I’ve internalized every critical voice from my past, telling me I’m not good enough.

But here's the thing: I know these beliefs aren't truths—they're just stories I've been telling myself. And just like any story, they can be rewritten.

It’s not about being perfect; it’s about showing up, even when it’s hard. It’s about recognizing that setbacks don’t define me and that I have the power to challenge these thoughts.

I’m reminding myself that growth comes from the effort, not just the outcome.

I’m working on being kinder to myself, on breaking free from the fear of imperfection, and on celebrating small victories along the way.

Because deep down, I know I can do this. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again—one step, one choice at a time.

10 Conversation Topics to Create a Deep Connection

In my previous post about gatekeeping yourself, I outlined some conversation topics that make you seem open but actually reveal nothing important about your life and personality.

Sometimes, when you trust someone and want to build a deeper relationship with them, you want the opposite. Topics that reveal significant and personal information about your life tend to be more intimate and complex.

These topics are also more revealing. They can lead to deeper connections, but they also make you more vulnerable.

Sharing these details might give others deeper insight into your personality, values, and life circumstances. Here are some examples:

Family relationships: Discussing your relationships with family members, any family conflicts, or dynamics.

Financial situation: Talking about your income, debts, savings, or financial challenges.

Romantic relationships: Sharing details about your romantic life, relationship struggles, or future plans with a partner.

Health issues: Revealing personal or family health problems, mental health struggles, or past trauma.

Career challenges: Discussing difficulties or setbacks in your career, workplace conflicts, or future career plans.

Life goals and aspirations: Talking about your long-term goals, dreams, or the deeper reasons behind your choices in life.

Past failures or regrets: Opening up about mistakes you've made, things you regret, or failures that have impacted you significantly.

Personal beliefs and values: Sharing your core beliefs, religious views, political opinions, or moral values, especially if they’re deeply personal or controversial.

Significant life events: Discussing events that have had a major impact on your life, such as a divorce, death of a loved one, or a life-changing decision.

Inner thoughts and feelings: Expressing your deepest fears, anxieties, hopes, or emotional struggles.

Be careful and use these topics wisely - share them only with people you trust and feel comfortable with.

Remember, when in doubt, always gatekeep yourself. 🥀✨❤️

7 Subtle Ways People Try to Sabotage Young Women

In my teens and twenties, people often told me I'd look great with short hair or suggested I buy clothing that didn't suit my figure, age, or personal style.

Their unsolicited "advice" confused me. For the longest time, I thought, why would you suggest this? Don't you have eyes in your head?

Oh, how young and naive I was.

Now, in my thirties, I know what all that poor unsolicited advice people dumped on me was about.

The point was to try to nerf my natural attractiveness and personality. That way, others who felt like they operated with less would look better in comparison.

Sabotage, especially subtle sabotage, can come in many forms. It's often disguised as advice or concern.

These are the most common ways people, intentionally or not, try to undermine young women.

Take the following "advice" with a grain of salt, even if coming from a close person.

🔪1. Appearance-Based Sabotage

Hair and makeup: Telling you to cut your hair shorter or wear less makeup, implying that you should be "less high-maintenance" or that natural looks are "more professional," when in reality, they may be trying to diminish your confidence or attractiveness.

Clothing: Suggesting you wear baggy or unflattering clothes under the guise of being "more comfortable" or "modest," which could be a way to make you appear less confident or attractive. Also suggesting clothing that ages you unnecessarily.

Body shaming: Making comments that subtly criticize your body, such as implying you should lose or gain weight, which can undermine your self-esteem.

🔪2. Career and Ambition Sabotage

Downplaying achievements: Minimizing your successes or implying they are due to luck rather than your skills, which can erode your confidence in your abilities.

Discouraging ambition: Telling you to be "realistic" or not aim too high, suggesting that you should settle for less in your career or personal goals.

"Nice girl" syndrome: Advising you to be more agreeable or not to assert yourself too much, as it might make you "unlikable" or "bossy," which can inhibit your leadership potential.

🔪3. Relationship Sabotage

Undermining relationships: Suggesting that you are "too picky" or should settle in your relationships, which can lead to accepting less from a partner than you deserve.

Toxic advice on boundaries: Encouraging you to ignore red flags or be more accommodating in relationships, which can lead to unhealthy dynamics.

🔪4. Emotional and Mental Sabotage

Gaslighting: Making you question your reality or decisions, leading to self-doubt.

Playing the victim: Acting hurt or upset when you succeed or make decisions for yourself, making you feel guilty for your achievements.

Competitive undermining: Subtly competing with you in a way that makes you feel less than, such as constantly comparing themselves to you or highlighting your flaws.

🔪5. Social and Networking Sabotage

Isolation: Encouraging you to distance yourself from certain people or networks that could be beneficial to you, under the guise of protecting you from "bad influences." When in reality these very people or networks could help you succeed in your career/school or lead to other opportunities to advance.

Gatekeeping: Withholding information, contacts, or opportunities that could help you advance, while pretending to be supportive.

🔪6. Critiquing Your Personality

Labeling assertiveness as aggression: Calling you "aggressive" or "too much" when you stand up for yourself, which can push you to be more passive.

Mocking your passions: Dismissing your hobbies or interests as childish or unimportant, which can make you doubt your own preferences and values.

🔪7. Advice to Conform

Encouraging compliance: Advising you to fit in or conform to certain norms, especially if those norms are limiting or don't align with your true self. (This is different from fitting in in environments where a certain level of professionalism is needed)

Discouraging uniqueness: Telling you that certain behaviors or styles are "too out there" or "not ladylike," pushing you to suppress your individuality.

Recognizing these behaviors is important so that you can protect yourself on time, i.e. before others manipulate you into making a choice that does you no favors.

Trusting your instincts, maintaining a strong sense of self, and surrounding yourself with genuinely supportive people can help you nip these negative influences in the bud.

How to Move On Faster and Build Resilience

Dwelling on past failures and worries gets me exactly nowhere. Lately I've been trying to improve myself with the goal of becoming someone who moves on extremely fast, with resilience.

I'm hoping this change will help me navigate life's challenges more effectively and make me feel better in the everyday. I've written before about my annoying limiting belief that I can't ...

Here are the notes and guidelines I've collected that help me cultivate the ability of moving on fast:

🌱 1. Change Your Perspective on Setbacks

View Setbacks as Temporary: Tough times don’t last forever. But challenges are a normal and frequent part of life. See challenges as hurdles, not roadblocks.

Focus on the Lessons: Every experience, good or bad, teaches me something valuable. Take those lessons and grow.

💖 2. Cultivate Self-Compassion

Be Kind to Yourself: Don’t beat yourself up when things go wrong. Again, something always goes wrong, this is life. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.

Allow Yourself to Feel: It’s okay to feel. All feelings are valid. Process your emotions, and then gently move forward.

🌍 3. Practice Detachment

Recognize Impermanence: Change is the only constant. Embrace it, and let go of what no longer serves you.

Limit Emotional Investment: Care, but don’t over-invest in things beyond your control.

🧘‍♀️ 4. Strengthen Your Focus on the Present

Engage in Mindfulness: I'm the kind of person who can tend towards combative and destructive, so I have to remember to stay grounded in the now. It’s easy to get stuck in the past, but the present is where your power lies.

Break Tasks into Steps: Focus on what you can do next. Small steps lead to big changes. This sucks but it really works.

💪 5. Develop a Resilient Mindset

Embrace Flexibility: Life’s unpredictable. Be open to change, and adapt when necessary.

Build a Growth Mindset: See challenges as opportunities to grow, not reasons to give up.

🎯 6. Focus on What You Can Control

Act on the Controllable: Identify what you can change and take action. Let go of the rest.

Shift Your Energy: Move from dwelling on the past to creating a better present.

🌸 7. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences

Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you. Realistic vibes only. I don't want positive vibes when unwarranted, and don't want negative vibes full-stop.

Limit Negative Inputs: Protect your energy by avoiding negativity, whether it’s people, media, or environments. Emphasis on the media. Don't listen to music with lyrics containing negative messages; they become part of your reality and conditioning.

🚀 8. Set Future-Oriented Goals

Visualize Success: Focus on where you want to go, not where you’ve been. Set your sights on new goals. My past is full of achievements, but I have to move forward and not rest on my laurels.

Take Small Steps: Break your goals into achievable actions. Small wins build momentum.

🏃‍♂️ 9. Engage in Physical Activity

Exercise Regularly: Movement is medicine. It boosts mood and resilience.

Practice Relaxation Techniques: Yoga, meditation, and deep breathing help reduce stress and enhance emotional strength.

🌟 10. Practice Gratitude

Focus on the Positive: Shift your mindset from loss to abundance by regularly acknowledging what you’re thankful for.

Keep a Gratitude Journal: Write down what you’re grateful for each day. It’s a powerful habit.

✨ 11. Accept and Let Go

Acknowledge Closure: Recognize when something is over, and consciously decide to move on.

Perform a Letting-Go Ritual: Do something symbolic to release what’s holding you back. Burn that letter, delete those old texts—whatever it takes.

🌈 12. Embrace the Process

Understand It Takes Time: Moving on fast doesn’t mean rushing your emotions. Heal in your own time, but keep moving forward.

Celebrate Progress: Every step, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction. Celebrate it.

Resilience isn’t about avoiding pain. It’s about bouncing back stronger each time. 💪🌻

What advice would you give to someone struggling to find their path in their 30s?

Off the top of my head ...

Make a realistic assessment of yourself.

Your personal pros and cons. You need to center what you're good at, but you also need to pursue difficult goals and projects that you are not yet good at. Otherwise you'll never improve or learn anything new.

Let your childhood dreams guide you.

I wanted to be a writer as a little girl. Writing is now a big part of my job, but child me had creative writing in mind, so I now pursue this too in my spare time and I feel fulfilled.

Be decisive and move fast.

Timing is everything. When you make a decision, you need to execute as soon as possible, preferably immediately. If you don't, in a few weeks or months you'll cool down on the idea. Your circumstances will have changed, potential collaborators will get swept up in other stuff, etc. You'll give up and never do it. So just do it asap.