Mixed Feelings - Tumblr Posts

mixed signals and mixed feelings

hes been, nice? this is unusual for him, and I think I need it to stop, honestly I think hes just horny and lonely again, I really do not know, but hes been texting me? As someone who just spent the last few days mourning the fact that we hadnt messaged for like 20 days, that was fucking weird, and now were on a two day streak of texting? its, odd, and Im getting such mixed signals. He told me he would bring a plushy I liked today, and then didnt, I dont get it. He also posted about how he wanted to leave when we were sitting together I just do not get it whatsoever. I didnt even know if we were friends until I checked today and he refered to me as one kinda? so I guess we are. Im sure the reason hes being nice again and everything is to be actually friends again because, he missed my friendship, which is valid, but knowing how lonely hes been saying he is makes me, question his intentions. Whats bull is that every time we get closer, he runs away, and then im left confused as hell, this is not the first time hes done this either, its like a pattern and I honestly dont know that to do with it. If he tries to advance further physically I dont know what ill do, I still like him, but Im pretty sure he doesnt like me and is just lonely and horny, and I dont want that, but I still want him? Its so confusing, hes been letting me in too which is cool but im so lost, last week we were hardly speaking. Dont get me wrong Im happy, and i want this to continue going well as it is, I guess I want it to advance too, but that would make things, complicated. I want things to progress but at the same time I really dont. Whats worse is him treating me like im actually worth something makes me fall all over again and its so fucked. Im just so confused yk? I dont think even he knows what it is that he wants and its infuriating.

Worse even still, were staying over at a friends place, together, which might be why hes trying to repair things, to be fair its only for a night, but the last sleepover we had we were all over eachother and this is gonna be,, weird, im sure nothing will happen, even thogh I kinda want it to. One because I dont think he would go there again, and two because our friend is gonna be there, but who knows honestly. I really actually hope nothing will go down because then I have to talk to him about it probably and thats gonna be a whole thing and im so iuughhhhhhh kms. But I miss his body against mine yk? the whole thing is sooooo confusing, and I cant wait much longer im going insane. I want him so bad but I really need for nothing to happen yk?

i wish youd just figure yourself out. i know you dont want me, but you dont. you dont tell me you want me, not directly, not even slightly. i reached out to touch you, you didnt pull away, but you didn't push your fingers out to grasp mine either. but i know you think you love me. when we were, whatever we were, you knew i looked through your pintrest, your music, because i wanted to know you. you told me that was too much and i felt too much for you. that i liked you far more than you liked me, and that hurt. now youve been dropping hints, that you've looked through my Pinterest, or my music, and that hurts. it hurts because i know you dont miss me. you miss what i was for you, you miss what i could do for you. I was there for you when no one else could be, i gave you the love and affection you so desperately needed, and that is what you miss, not me. I wish you knew that, i wish you saw that in my eyes as i beg for you to want me. not what i can do for you, but really and truely me. you think im annoying, childish, a pest. you dont even know me. you think i talk too much, that im too loud, that i make the stupidest jokes, you think im annoying. and yet, you cant stop missing how loved you felt with me, you desire love so desperately that you're willing to push aside the fact that you feel annoyed at my presence, to fool yourself into believing its me that you want, because there's no one else you can have. but im more than just a last resort, I know that, i wish you did too.

Poem: Scent

A Haiku

I thought myself new

But felt my heart shift again

At the scent of you.

j.p

Me? Writing poetry? Yes!

My latest work (untitled):

Oh my love

It is is your soul that I find my religion

Stardust lies in the crooks of your skin

And the sun itself shines within your eyes

Were you a goddess,

I would lay upon your altar

Clothed in soft silk and fine jewels

Smooth stone warm on my back

Lilacs and ferns ‘round my neck

An offering fit for your divinity

Golden sunlight floods your temple as the sun rises above

You descend

And though my eyes burn, I could not look away

Were you a goddess,

I would be your priestess

Humble and holy, clean my hands of the blood before I touch your skin

Fill your temple with all things soft and sacred

A mere distraction from what lies within me

Had I the power, I’d grant you your every desire

Turn glorious empires and vast mountains to mere dust

Bring the whole world to its knees

Bloody and bruised before you

So they may revel in your glory as I do

Forgive me, darling

For whatever I touch rots beneath my palm

Everything I love, I destroy

Devotion and obsession

Are they so different after all?

I tried reealistic drawing for an upcoming birthday gift to my friend

I am getting so many mixed messages from life in general lol I don't need mixed messages about you!. Haha 😅

I'm very much dark academia some days and cottage core others. Just depends which day you meet me 😂

If only I can express my feelings in a way you will understand me... *sigh* I feel so pathetic for acting up like this all the time coz I know you'll never set your eyes on me... I guess I just have to accept that you'll never be mine.

CALCALCAL this is katy btw FOLLOW ME FOLLOW ME FOLLOW ME :D

how have I only just noticed this- HI KATY! IM FOLLOWING YOU!

thank you for introducing me to this amazing hell hole, I have been sucked in and cannot escape- I woke up today wondering who interacted with my posts and it was something I checked almost immediately!

what have you done :D