PTSD - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

Coming of Age stories

Am I the only one who gets really sick watching coming of age stories? Don't get me wrong, they are beautiful, fun, nostalgic, and important stories for kids to watch, and adults to reminisce on. However, for the kids that didn't get to HAVE a coming of age life, it's really painful for me to watch them. For whatever reason, whether it be undiagnosed mental health, physical ailments keeping you from participating, abuse in the home or at school, whatever it was that kept a person as a child developing a friend group and going on those adventures your supposed to go on as a kid..it sucks. I watched a lot of other kids at school go get up to trouble, have fun, go out on adventures and they still have each other to this day, but for me, personally, after suffering different forms of abuse throughout childhood up until adulthood when I could finally escape home, connecting with other kids was really hard for me. A lot of people thought I was cold, or an asshole, but dude I was just trying to get through my days with undiagnosed, unmedicated PTSD, anxiety, depression, ADHD, and maybe autism (The signs have been showing into my adulthood but I haven't gotten that tested yet). For kids who don't have those things, who aren't scared to go home, who aren't dreading the weekend, who work don't work as much as they are allowed to avoid going home, I know I seemed quiet, stand offish. I tried to be kind, but I was definitely Different, and most kids and teenagers aren't capable of dealing with a person struggling so badly unless they are struggling themselves. So, watching coming of age stories, or even just kids going on adventures together, is really painful and sad for me. I wish I had that, I wish I had some group of rag tag vagabonds I could fall back on, who would still be here for me to occasionally chat up today. It's this sickening feeling of all the things I never got to do, the childhood I missed out on, the missing potential, and I will never get that time back. Does anyone else feel this way?

One of those days where I'm at my absolute lowest point mentally but I'm not allowed to talk about it because talking about it online gets my account reported and taken down, and I can't talk about it in real life because very few people care and talking about it just makes them mad at me, and if I tell the wrong person, I'll have a "welfare check" of multiple armed cops showing up at my door treating me like a criminal.

Living with PTSD and depression is fucking impossible sometimes and nobody understands.

Trying to heal from all the shit you went through as a kid in your 20s while also trying to be a functional adult feels fucking impossible

I just realized why Snape was so crazy in the Shrieking Shack, third book

He thought Sirius was the reason Lily died.

Snape has always appeared collected that far in the series and it always struck me as odd that he has such a huge and bloodthirsty reaction and then calmed down towards Sirius in OOTP.

Has everyone already known this?

I just realized why Snape was so crazy in the Shrieking Shack, third book

He thought Sirius was the reason Lily died.

Snape has always appeared collected that far in the series and it always struck me as odd that he has such a huge and bloodthirsty reaction and then calmed down towards Sirius in OOTP.

Has everyone already known this?

Vent post

Why everytime a professional in mental health tells you something that you already know hit so fucking hard and makes me wanna cry?

In our today's session our psychologist told us "Yes... Those are post traumatic stress symptoms" and we knew, we are aware of that, but it fucking hurts so bad and when we heard it from her we felt so horrible and bad, like the body reacting bad when you hear something you shouldn't

We knew we have it, why does it hurts and feels so bad when

Wrote a little blog post this morning. "A Lightbulb Moment" It's not crochet related, but feel free to read it if you like xxx https://dollydaydreamcrochet.com/blogs/dolly-daydream-crochet-blog/a-lightbulb-moment #blogpost #ptsd #emdr #lighthouse #storm #mentalhealth

Blueblom

-Shadow clan

-15 moons old

-Not Very active

-Shy

-quiet voice

-Smart

-PTSD

-ADHD

-Has strong headaches

Story:When Blueblom WAS a kit she , her siblings and mother lived in The Streets, Her siblings died From the Bad condicions of The street life and her mother WAS killed by a Stray dog When Blueblom was 9 moons old, since then she was Alone, no food or compani was with her She was Just walking with no route, One they While she keep Just walking She got extremely Sick but ended in the shadow clan Territory where they founded her unconscious and bloody from a dog attack

Based in Warrior cats

When I actually get my shit together and work on getting a service dog in this life, I am probably gonna try and get a german shepherd and name them Remo or something similar cause yeah.

When I get my shit together, I will probably be asking for donations, but I want to know more before asking for money. I am unsure of what program I am going to use exactly, I have an idea, but idk yet.

I should probably try and get diagnosed anxiety [cause I haven't been diagnosed, but it's definitely obvious] and maybe look into OCD and PTSD more? I know I have trauma and shit, I just don't know if it's PTSD levels or whatever. And the OCD I am unsure if it's just the AuDHD combo or OCD as well.

If anyone has any advice about any of this that relates to America, please feel free to give the advice.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it)

I'm bored and can't sleep [it's a little after 4 am where I am lol], so here's a thing about me that I'm kinda surprised I haven't talked about yet, lol.

When I was Zuki, I had a service dog [in this life, I also need an SD, I'm gonna probably post a separate thing about that at some point], he was a german shepherd named Remo (meaning strong one or something like that lol). I miss him as much as I miss anyone else from my canon, maybe a bit more than certain people, but I feel like that should be understandable, he helped me actually live life, yeah I still had problems but they would've been way worse without Remo. He helped me actually be able to do more than I would've without him, as service dogs do lol, but still.

I'm really bad with words and shit and it's late/early, so that's likely not helping. But just yeah, thought I'd share this, not sure if anyone even really cares, but whatever, lol.

- Zuki Shay Lup! :3c

I'm a bit bored, I should probably work on English class work, but my brain says no, and I have no real control, lol.

Anyways, fictionkin shit, this is gonna be talking about my biological parents as Zuki, so there will be trigger warnings. All of this is just to do with my life as Zuki, I have problems with my parents here, but not as bad.

Tw: hinted at sexual assult not said by name but still, physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, child abuse, bullying, scars, burning/fire, and maybe more? Idk if there's anything to add, let me know.

My bio father as Zuki was a horrible abusive asshole. He was not the first guy to get my bio mother pregnant [as my old sibling is my half-sibling from my mom]. He told my mother that if she just had one kid with him, then he would be "happy" (not his actual words but whatever). So I was the kid that came from this "agreement".

But when I actually got the first part[s] of my quirk at the age of 4, which included wings (which came from my sib's bio father pretty much, it's hard to explain exactly), he was fucking pissed but couldn't do anything cause my mother did what he wanted, she had one kid with him (just not the kid he wanted).

At the age of 7, the other part of my quirk came in. Which is/was essentially the ability to "drop" my body and become a "spirit," I guess you could say. It freaked people out, causing a lot of bullying and shit. Anyways, that just made my bio father [I hate calling him that, but whatever] hate me more.

He was always "aggressive" and abusive, I mean, he didn't get physical to me until I was around 5 or so. I also couldn't actually speak until I was at least 7, and then it was about at a like 2 year old level, basically. Anyways, he got physically abusive towards me when I was like 5, but he was always verbally and emotionally abusive towards me.

When I was like 11, my bio father got put into jail cause my old sib got into UA and told Aizawa about him and shit. I was happy that I was "free" from abuse [I wasn't really, but I was at least free from him].

My bio mother had an alcohol problem and would drink a whole lot. She wasn't really ever physically abusive when I was younger. But after my bio father got put in jail, it actually seemed to get worse with her towards me. Idk why exactly, but I believe it had to do with me kinda looking like my bio father and also my bio mother (she definitely had problems with self image and took it out on me).

My old sib didn't see the abusive side of our mother at all. They were the favorite child, they didn't look as much like our mother, I guess. They had seen only the loving side of our mother, which I knew existed but rarely saw when I was alone with her.

I always had a hard time admitting that my mother was abusive and shit. To me, it was deserved cause I was an unwanted pup that she was forced to have and care for. She still wasn't typically physically abusive.

When I was like 12 or 13, my bio mother left me alone in the house. She had slapped me to the ground before fully leaving as I was quietly "screaming" for her to not leave me. My older sib never knew this. As far as they knew, our mother was just really busy with hero work [I forgot to mention that both of my bio parents were heroes]. The only time our mother would be at the house is if I had called or texted her about my old sibling wanting to see her and shit. Then she would come home and act like everything was fine and that she still lived there and took care of me.

That went on until I was like 15, it was my second year in high school [another reminder that UA is a college and I was 18 in my canon]. My bio mother had been in a bad villain attack and was at the hospital and would never do hero work again and would have to be in the hospital for a while (years). After that happened, my old sib ended up becoming my legal guardian and shit.

My old sib was pretty busy with hero work since they were pretty much just starting out with their hero career. They asked Izuku's mom [Auntie Inko as I called her] to look out for me a lot, as she already was, and because me and Izuku were childhood friends who were re-becoming friends again.

Pretty sure if Auntie Inko had the full ability to support another child legally and shit, she would've adopted me. I was not an easy pup to deal with, though. I was very suspicious of her kindness and would fight her [I bit her a few times cause of being fearful and shit, I really regret that and shit]. I was sure that she would abandon me as well one day, of course this never happened [think of the moment in the movie Bolt where Mittens is talking about how "Penny is fake" that was kind of how I was with Izuku and his mom at first].

Anyways, Auntie Inko ended up basically being my parent until I got adopted by Dadzawa and Papamic.

I'm gonna go into a bit more detail, but not too much detail about my bio father's abuse now.

His quirk gave him wolf claws [not necessarily always out, but he kept them out almost all the time] that were able to use some of the elements (fire, water, etc. I guess) to hurt. It's kinda hard to explain rn, but basically, he could have his claws on fire [I use that example cause it was his favorite].

He would use his "fire claws" on me a lot when he wanted to hurt me. He burned me a lot with them, I had so many scars from him doing this a lot. I had one scar across my face that I got from one of those times that I hid with makeup for a long time. Eventually, I gave up hiding it, and when my friends asked about it, I would say it was old, and I just used to cover it up.

His abuse in this way made me very cautious around fire and shit [so yes I was very cautious and scared when Todoroki first started using his fire but I of course never said anything cause I was not about to discourage his use of his fire]. Fur and feathers don't really go with fire anyway, so yeah.

Idk if there's anything else I want to say but at least for right now, this is good. Sorry for 2 vent(?) posts back to back.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/hx/it)

More bad memories from my life as Zuki. Cause of course my brain hates me.

Tw: abuse, school abuse[? Idk what to call it], muzzles, quirk discrimination, shock collars, bullying, I think that's it for this one?

When I was younger, my bio mother was told to use a muzzle and shock collar that "neutralized" quirks on me. Cause my quirk was "dangerous" and "needed to be controlled." These were supposed to be illegal to use on anyone, even the most dangerous villain. But of course, people didn't listen and used them on those with "evil" or "villain" quirks (especially certain mutant related quirks).

It kinda makes sense that a hero like my bio mother could get one, but what's 'interesting' is that once I got into middle school, some of the teachers also had them. I don't know where they got them, but whatever. My middle school and high school both used the muzzles and shock collars on me.

When I was in middle school, I was still very cautious and shit. I never fought back, I never started a fight, I never did any of that. But yet anytime someone attacked me, I got punished. They would put the muzzle on me saying something about how I was bad and deserved it and the same thing with the shock collar. But 'luckily' the shock collar was less often used.

In high school is when I started fighting back sometimes. It was still usually only if someone else was being hurt [whether physically or verbally]. When it was just me, I would usually not fight back. Sometimes, I did fight back when it was just against me fully, though.

This is all I'm gonna talk about rn.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/he)

New intro post, you can see my old intro posts by looking for "intro post" as a tag on my blog.

Hello, this is mainly my fictionkin account for my ockin, Zuki Shay Hara-Lupo. I am a noncanon MHA/BNHA being/creature. You can call me Zuki, Shay, or Lupo, whatever you prefer!

My canon was divergent from the manga and anime. If you want to know more about my canon, send in an ask, or you can see some things on my original intro posts. The only thing I will mention here is that UA was a college instead of a high school, so my class and I were all 18 at the start of the first year at UA.

In this life, I am currently 19, so keep that in mind. I don't mind minors interacting. Just know I am more hesitant to interact with minors myself.

I try and make sure my posts are all tagged well, especially for tw or cw, if you see a post of mine that doesn't have a tw or cw that needs to be tagged tagged, then let me know and I'll fix it.

I am alterhuman/nonhuman in more ways in this life and in my life as Zuki, so that will also be brought up on my account.

I will not answer/post any donation asks if you want to know why you should be able to find the posts I made about it by using the tag "donation asks".

I will block for any reason. Especially when it comes to hate.

This is an endo safe space. I will not judge systems/plural beings for their origins. If you don't like this, leave.

I am also disabled, both in this life and in my life as Zuki, so that will also be on my blog. [In this life for all the ones after this]. I am autistic and ADHD for sure. I have a learning disability and depression as well diagnosed. I believe I might have OCD and PTSD but am not sure yet. I know I have some form of anxiety, but it's not diagnosed.

Because of my disabilities, I need a service dog in this life. [I also had one as Zuki]. I will likely post more about the service dog when I finally get my stuff together and do more about it.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/he/hx/xe/ze/it + more neos/xenos) | currently a they/hx/it time for my pronouns

Thanks for the help! I'll check out that website when I get the chance!

I know I have trauma that really affected me, I just have a hard time with knowing how much and shit.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/hx)

Random, but can any systems/plural beings talk about how they figured out that they are plural?

DID, OSDD, endo, etc. Any version of systems or plurals

I have questioned DID or something similar to just myself and 1 or 2 friends irl before. I'm unsure if my trauma was "enough" or happened at "the right time" or whatever to be able to cause a dissociative disorder.

If anyone has any websites or similar things to suggest to help me, pls send me them.

I mostly try and stay out of plural/system things cause once again I am unsure if I am one in any way. And to go into a community that I am not sure I am in feels off.

Using I/me/my/etc. sometimes feels wrong, and we/us/our/etc. feel right even if just referring to "me." But sometimes I/me/my/etc. feels fine/right, so idk.

Please give me advice or at least share your experiences if you're able/willing to. Thanks

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/hx) [if I find out I'm a system/plural in some way, this sign off thing will probably be changed around].

Does anyone know how to handle PTSD symptoms? I’ve been assaulted when I was younger and I have nightmares since then about my assaulter. Any help is appreciated.

All I've been thinking about is Echo's PTSD making her think she was in the past from a random noise and/or action then she goes like insane and crazy but the Raph just snaps her back into reality and she's the regular Echo again.

Echo: *going insane and having a mental break down*

Raph: *snaps her back into reality*

Echo: *acts like nothing happened and goes to draw in her room*

Raph: *actually concerned about her mental health but still loves her*

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Here's Echo's back story for you guys

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Echo was a small sea turtle when she was captured by Draxum and experimented on but then she was given to Big Mama since she needed a new champion to replace Lou jitsu.

She was trained to become stronger and better and soon she started battling in the Battle-Nex Areana. Echo soon became a champion and was probably better then Lou jistu as some would say.

Echo soon became friends with other champions especially a girl names Mars that was a koi fish mutant. They were basically the best of friends and fought side by side a few times but you know what they always say, all friendships always come to an end....

She was soon forced to fight against Mars since Echo knew is she didn't then she would suffer massive consequences. After a bit battle she won, she was left with scars and cuts but the one thing that terrified her was seeing her best friends laying dead in front of her.

Eventually, she had enough of fighting against her will so she ran away as fast as she could and found a abandoned garage that she decided to live in. She started to get nightmares and actually became depressed. Echo started to do SH and actually got PTSD also but she started to stop and try and find a job in the Hidden city. She was looking for jobs and she ended up starting to work as a waiter at Heuso's, but one day he was serving 4 inparticular turtles that were trying to get her attention... Especially the one in 𝘳𝘦𝘥...

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Here's the official backstory for Echo but I'll probably edit some things later.