Tiredtalks - Tumblr Posts
Hi!!!!!! This is a blog for my recovering ed thoughts <333 I hope that anyone who comes across it might enjoy! I love beautiful things and sweet people and I’m just trying to get better!
I don’t want to have an ed I really don’t it’s not fun it’s not cute I’m not myself but I also can’t imagine gaining weight again I would never want this for anyone else
I love my friends and I love my partner and I love my life why do I feel this way?? Life is about having fun and drinking wine and loving everything and everyone and seeing cathedrals everywhere why are all my thoughts about food and my weight and myself am I really that selfish?
I literally never cry but I am rn I think I needed this blog I have only had it for like an hour but now my thoughts can be buffeted between cute animals and gorgeous people and food that looks too good to be real I’m glad I can be alive knowing others have been through what I’m going through and they survived and so will I
I cannot be tender by hating how the world created me I cannot be sweet and gentle and nice if I don’t treat myself well, it doesn’t count!! I am doing my best and everyone will notice the sun kissing my cheeks and treating me so lovingly because I whisper sweet nothings to it all day thanking it for gracing me all of me!! Even if the all of me is bigger than society wants it to be!
People are not gentle with me but I can be gentle with myself I can I can I can!!!!
God damn!!!!
The world and all it shelters is so beautiful and I will say that meaning me included someday even if I have to take the knife from my throat to form the words
When I’m hungry I can’t think too hard about what to eat or else the rules start flooding in and I just end up eating banana chips in the break room because that’s safe enough, I have to move on instinct I will get better at this I will
My therapist made me get rid of my scale and I truly am at a loss for what to do at least I had an inanimate object controlling my mood now day to day I’m just picking and choosing when to like what I see
Not to be so annoying but oh my god I don’t know how to consume media without wishing I looked like someone else I constantly wonder how my partner is attracted to me because I’m not skinny like Sydney fucking Sweeney I can’t do it I feel like this should be funnier than it is lol
Sometimes I remember the fact that I’ve always kinda had an ed like as long as I can think back my eating was disordered at best and I felt so disgusting and wrong for not being able to hold myself back from eating, it’s mind blowing how impressionable you are as a kid
Many girls with eds—and I do align myself with girls in this way, I too wish to be petite and delicate—talk about being so thin you can see their bones, the sharpness protruding, the ache, and I differ in this way. I want to be unseen. I want my body to do magic tricks. I want it to disappear, bones and all, only to be pulled out of someone’s hat to an ever applauding crowd
I have been freaking out about my weight since my therapist made me give my roomie my scale but tonight I sneaked it over and used it really quick before they came home and I’m two pounds lighter than the last time I weighed myself I’m truly winning I’m also going feral
I want to be skinny so bad it’s like a never ending thought I can’t not be skinny I see no point of anything if I can’t be