Tw Csa - Tumblr Posts

saving this!

Hello I found this from another antiship account on Instagram

But this might be useful when reporting accounts that have csem/csam and any other illegal things:

Resources

Resources

Various resources to help report CSAM/CSEM

tw: sa, csa

i can't remember my sa too well, i blacked out most of the memories and only faint traces remain, obscured by trauma and time. i think it happened when i was really little, because in my memory his hands were very large, and i have the impression he towered over my tiny little body, i can feel that my entire hip and ass was cradled perfectly in the palm of his hand. i think it was the first time in my life i felt that tingly feeling, warm numbness spreading thru my k1ddo body. i remember staring at the white ceiling, sunlight pouring through the nearby window as i was violated. god, how i wish i could remember every detail.

Unwanted Visitor

Tw - csa;

I melted down today.

My uncle who decided to stick his tongue down my throat when I was 13, and asked me if I wanted to fuck my uncle is coming to visit. And staying with my parents. I currently live with my parents.

My folks were not aware of the shit he did. My mother asked me how I felt about him coming and i said that I didn't know. Then in a moment of .... Fucking ... Something i told her he'd been ' inappropriate ' with me. And i would not be staying with him while he was there.

She responded by insisting i talk about what happened - I didn't. And when I said I was a little girl she said " well, you weren't that little... "

I.... Cant. I have barely enough cranial to deal with one crisis. I cannot handle another situation now.

I also haven't worked through this one at all with a therapist. It was buried real deep. REAL DEEP. Under a great deal of shame - because i think i told him that i did, i may have flirted back and feel somewhere that this was something I had asked for.

Fucked up relationships with men? Gosh, wonder where that came from...

Sorry to bring this back again but this page along with Mahito saying "after all, I was born of humans" just. Belongs here.

Edit to add: here's an elaborated post with more context and details that I'd missed

It makes me feel not insane for thinking that Sukuna's eyes look glassy and out of character for him during the scenes with Mahito (where Sukuna is in his innate domain. This is shown in the manga and the anime).

Edit 2: Mahito's domain - it resembles so strongly this picture that I cannot find (but I saw it somewhere 10 years ago I swear) of how it feels for survivors of csa - the ugly emotional flashbacks like hands are all over you (it's hard to explian, I'll link the source if I come across it, this stuff is draining to read about).

I think this feeling comes across in the manga better, with the hands stretching over the panels, breaking the fourth wall. It's so creepy and unsettling. The hands layered over each other in the top panel remind me of that picture - the hands were overlaid like that, almost like a... Idk fashion words, but like a sequin dress maybe? Only the layers are made with hands instrad of pieces of fabric or decoration.

Additionally, we could dissect the expression that Mahito makes while opening his domain. But I really don't want to go there. My skin is crawling too much. Take from this what you will.

Edit 3: I hate it here

So tbh I have not seen the human centipede, but I heard that it was created as a punishment for predators. Is that... The form that Mahito is taking here? Was it really hidden in plain sight?

Content warning for topic of SA

And how I think it's represented through a character in jujutsu kaisen.

I think he was very well written and that this was intentional.

He's on level with curses from the earth, forest and ocean (which are so big with so much negative energy directed at them that the curses gained consciousness without form) but Mahito is from humans.

He mutilates bodies and souls without consent. The transfigured humans beg for help, they beg for relief, even if it means death, to be put out of their misery, whenever they can manage to say anything coherent that's all that it is.

And these victims are seen as monsters themselves. Less than human, their consciousness tampered with, they die of asphyxiation.

All of these effects come from SA. the damaged body, brain, nervous system, feeling like air doesn't exist, like you're no longer breathing, that the state you've been left in is worse than death.

And in the end, when Mahito faces judgement and begs for mercy, it's easy to feel sorry for him. To want to give him another chance. And that might be the sickest part of all.

It's so real and such a good representation without actually showing SA on screen.

And the relationship that he had with Junpei was grooming. I could elaborate on that but honestly. I don't have it in me rn. Just, the intellectual conversations, the it's easy to talk to you, the manipulation and coercion and pushing boundaries with corpses and his mother and transfiguring him in the end.

Mahito is such a creep and I hate him but it isn't exactly triggering to watch, either. I got triggered by the night beyond the tricornered window, though - which I put on after hearing that it influenced jjk. And I do see where gege got the domains and pacts from, the art style was rly cool, but I could not keep paying attention to it omg. It wasn't even graphic, but a sort of spiritual rape, and the dynamics there were...

What I'm trying to say is that I think both jjk and this anime did a good job of showing SA without there being SA. (though tbf I didn't get through the other one, or like I did eventually bc I liked the art style so much but I could only glance up to it occasionally bc at that point I knew better).

Also I believe that elfen lied and banana fish inspired jjk, and those series are heavily about autonomy and sexual assault and the effects of abuse.

I've been thinking about this reblog of yours for months and I finally figured out how to respond to it.

I went and read No Longer Human by Junji Ito and it was a very upsetting thing to go through. I don't think I can read it again. However, I came out of it thinking that Gege was probably inspired by it.

When Yozo is first introduced, I noticed that Takaba's backstory was very similar. Feeling isolated from others, he decided to become a clown to gain acceptance from others. (Citations in Image Captions)

And later when Yozo was caught "cheating" (it's in quotes because those women are child rapists), I noticed that her face was really similar to the one Higuruma's client made when he felt betrayed by the trial outcome.

There's probably a lot more to say about how themes surrounding CSA and suicide in this work are echoed in JJK, but I'm not able to make the post myself. No Longer Human is too far out of my comfort zone in terms of graphic depiction to delve into it deeper.

But you seem strong enough to handle it, so... Idk maybe run with this some more.

Ohhh this is so interesting! I could definitely read No Longer Human again - tbh I read Junji Ito's version years ago. This year I listened to the audio book and bought a copy - but it's like, a draft in the author's handwriting (bc I thought it would help me study Japanese and if I had an English translation that I'd read it on repeat lmao). But you're real for that - I forget how disturbed people tend to be trying to read through it, I'm sorry that was rough.

I did go back to read the reblog and idk how relevant all that was - I've reread the manga since and felt like, oh I might have been misremembering some things like Uraume - idk if they actually had a freeze response in ch. 219, since they did tell Yorozu to back off though it took a minute - but it's also interesting how their CT deals with ice. Like to have a fight response, they freeze others? It's so interesting but I can't be sure whether it's there at all. (ik that yap II inspired some more coherent posts, like how it influenced Choso's self-image, etc., I linked but didn't tag you back then bc I felt Annoying especially w heavy topics but I can definitely go back and find them if you'd like.)

On a twin peaks note (without spoiling it), I feel like it inspired jjk to some extent - I've been feeling like the last chapter will end the way s2 did. Or at least - with the weird dreamy themes, "we are the dreamer who dreams and who lives inside the dream", etc...

But you're right - Yozo and the others' reactions resemble more jjk characters than I would think to connect. Takaba's jokes are truly a shield... And now I have an excuse to read Junji Ito's version again? Thank u so much (also isn't it funny how September 28 Uzumaki airs and September 30 jjk ends?).

I think gege gets inspired by the most tragic stories, I wonder how much of that is accurate but I can't always be convinced otherwise.... Especially when anime / manga series that he's confirmed as influences often deal with autonomy in ways that I couldn't handle (Evangelion, the night beyond the tricornered window).

By the way - ik we've mentioned elfen lied before, but in the first episode, you know that coffee mug? How it looks like jjk foreshadowing? Even has snail head Mahito - cut off-, the baseball, Panda, the worm (also cut off).... and later the newborn babies that look just like Yuuji...

I swear that elfen lied, Kagewani, and banana fish influenced jjk. It seems so obvious w those, maybe Vampire Princess Miyu as well.

Sorry for getting off topic - I've been looking into why Momotaro keeps coming up in jujutsu kaisen, and in the end it came back full circle to that damn coffee cup. Invest in a baseball team? A zoo? I'm going insane.

All this to say - rereading Junji Ito's version and seeing if I notice similarities between manga panels is so exciting. Gege even made a note that he asked for permission before drawing - I think it was the Uzumaki CT - So we know he's a big fan of Junji Ito. And it seems like there is a rly good chance No Longer Human inspired him as well (though I feel like characters with similar traumas having similar reactions is inevitable to some extent, if they're written in a believable way, it should be clearer when I'm reading both stories in the same format) based on the stories he has officially referenced.

"Kids aren't forced on HRT" except I was, and I was raped by a female OBGYN as a CHILD with the largest metal speculum this woman had available ON PURPOSE to punish me while she laughed with her nurse, humiliated me, and called me at home to continue harassing me. I was then forced onto estrogen to "normalize" my intersex body.

I hate people who say kids aren't forced onto HRT about as much as I hate when TERFs say that they are - in reference to trans perisex people, because they do believe intersex people need to be "cured" and should be forced onto HRT. Kids are forced onto HRT, it's just not the kids that perisex people care about, whether those perisex people are for or against HRT. Stop erasing our fucking existence to defend your fucking existence and find a better fucking argument.

You can't defend autonomy without indulging in intersexist violence?

Also, to clarify, I don’t utterly hate age gaps in media ( Irl is a different situation ), like if the characters are like twenty years apart and both legal, consenting adults, it’s whatever, they’re legal consenting adults, but if either character is under the age of eighteen ( and honestly, if they aren’t at least twenty one, that’s still a little dicey imo ), then that’s fucking creepy, and any adult with common sense can tell you that. 🤠✨🥂

I’m saying this as a survivor of CSA and grooming, so please, just like, understand why this is uncomfortable for people.🥂

CW : Explicit Sexual Conversations with Minors

Chipspeech and TF2 fandom be careful of @xxcherenkov-gremlinxx because of her repeated explicit sexual conversations with minors.

Her behaviour is beyond uncomfortable, her, and people like her, put minors at risk and normalise the idea that it's ok for adults to talk about their kinks with minors.

While I and others involved have no belief she was or is intentionally grooming minors, she's still old enough to know better.

24 years old is too old to claim ignorance, you are old enough to understand this is wrong. Some of these people were/are under sixteen.

Mavis is active in both the TF2 community and the Chipspeech fandom, however this all occurred in a TF2 server.

"Why did you wait so long to make this?" I did not know it was happening there until today, I was looking for a cover of something in the server and fell down a rabbit hole.

Be warned this talks about a lot of adult content.

While the server owner wishes for everything to remain anonymous, I have made sure to check ages of those involved. Only one person had no indication of age at all. I have also color coded the screenshots, each color represents a person.

Incident one ⬆️

Incident 2 ⬆️

Incident 2 ⬆️

So I'm reblogging this from a fandom person I follow but it's on brand for the shit I post so, hello! I have OSDD and CPTSD (both of those disorders have a HUGE amount of symptom overlap and are caused by severe, prolonged trauma). I have different types of flashbacks, triggered by different things, so I'll try to organize my answer below but please be aware that my answers might be triggering especially for anyone who has experienced childhood sexual abuse and/or child trafficking. These terms are just what I use to discuss them with my therapist, so idk if they are official terms or not.

• Tactile flashbacks, also called tactile hallucinations

In these, I am entirely aware of where and when I am, but I feel sensations that were occurring during my trauma. It's usually triggered by experiencing pain from old injuries. For specifically (TW!!!!), I occasionally get nerve pain in my vulva from an injury where I was penetrated with an object and it damaged my cervix severely. Sometimes that nerve pain triggers a tactile flashbacks, where I can feel hands and the object touching me exactly the way it felt when it was really happening. It is so realistic that the first few times it happened, part of me was shocked that I wasn't bleeding or hadn't sat on a knife or some weird shit. It makes it feel like I don't even have pants on. It's fucking disorienting and PAINFUL and scary.

I've spent years training myself to show it as little as possible if it happens in public, because it's not the kind of thing that's easily explainable. But the added stress of hiding it triggers me even more- because hiding was an important job I did to cover up for my abusers, so hiding pain is both instinctual and triggering now- that it kind of just makes it worse. So if I'm around someone, they might see me grimace or shift on my chair a bit, I've also heard that I get pretty pale, but I almost always lie and make up an excuse like cramps, which people tend to believe.

But in reality it's horrific and once I'm in privacy, I am pretty useless for the rest of the day unless I have a close friend or my husband around to help me stay grounded and get back on track.

•Emotional flashbacks

This happens a lot when I'm triggered by an everyday normal occurrence that in normal life, is totally fine, but in my past was something I used to know whether or not I was in danger. Probably the most annoying one is the sound of dishes clanging as someone puts them away. If that happened in my childhood, it meant I hadn't put away the dishes in time, and would be punished (but not grounded because my parents were fucking monsters- punishment for me was things like being locked in very small spaces, being forced to braid my hair in high pigtails and hairspray it and go to school looking stupid, not getting food for a few days, having things thrown at me, sometimes the dishes themselves being physically broken on me).

So imagine what a child's emotions might be, knowing they're about to undergo a severe punishment- fear, regret, remorse, defence, desperation- and then transplant all of those emotions into my 32 year old body. It makes me have some wacky ass responses to my husband putting away the clean dishes. I've spent YEARS working on it but we've been together since I was 19, and just last year I got to the point where I could let him put dishes away without me actually yelling at him, or apologizing, or crying. Thank god for therapy.

Emotional flashbacks can really have drastic, immediate control over my behavior, which makes them pretty dangerous when it's not a situation as innocuous as putting away dishes. It's very hard for me to control what I say and do during these episodes, and it's one of the reasons I was diagnosed with OSDD, because my therapist thinks that when I have emotional flashbacks, I dissociate and another part of my personality kind of takes over. And it really is a dramatic personality shift. Still a part of me, but a much younger version. I used to have total amnesia of these episodes and only knew they were happening because my husband would explain them to me. Now I manage to stay conscious (sometimes called co-conscious by people in the OSDD/DID communities) but still have partial amnesia. It makes it very difficult for me to understand what someone is saying to me long enough to formulate a response that makes sense. It's horrible and really challenging to hide or control.

•Visual/dissociated flashbacks

These have only ever been triggered by sex, and they're very similar to the way flashbacks are portrayed in the media, like in movies. Either all or most of my visual field changes from the current situation to a traumatic sexual abuse memory. I completely dissociate, have no idea where I am or what's happening, but the difference from this and movies is that even within the memory, I don't understand what's happening. I don't go into it with my knowledge of what's happening and 15 years of therapy, I'm right back in the exact mindset I was when it was happening, just with the added idea that something is very wrong. Sometimes it feels like I'm asleep in a nightmare, sometimes it feels like I'm literally living it. They don't last more than maybe 30 seconds or so, and my husband tells me that he knows it's happening because my eyes get really wide, I go totally limp, and don't respond except in a way that's similar to how people might talk in their sleep. Once I come out of it, it's straight to having a panic attack, which as you can imagine is kind of awkward when you're in the middle of trying to fuck your partner. My husband is amazing about it all, but when we first got together it scared the shit out of both of us.

•Some other notes: I often try to ground myself so that I don't dissociate during or after a flashback, but for years the only way I knew to ground myself involved pain. I eventually tried to switch to methods that would hurt but not injure me (pinching the skin between my fingers, punching my thighs). But now I do grounding in a way that doesn't hurt myself- or at least I try to. I talk to myself, out loud, to remind myself where I am, what year it is, what's happening, etc. I do breathing exercises, sing loudly, try to hold a conversation. All of those things can help me stay in the present moment. Unfortunately they don't always work, but hey ya can't win 'em all.

@z-mizcellaneous-z I know that's a LOT but lemme know if you have questions or want any more details/info! I'm happy to share!

Call for People who Have First Hand Experience with PTSD

(Part of The Research Game, question by @z-mizcellaneous-z)

We are wondering if anyone who has first-hand experience can share with us what PTSD flashbacks look or feel like to you, as well as what it might look like from the outside perspective (such as witnessed by friends/strangers).

(please only share if you're comfortable. You can also send me an anonymous ask instead!)

Everyone else, reblog this around until we can find someone who has the answer!

(Otherwise, there's a Youtube channel I know of that aims to spread awareness of PTSD and may help you here: https://youtu.be/vdLfrJSzMY8, though it's important to note she has Complex PTSD, which is slightly different and is characterized by prolonged trauma rather than a single event)

really wish mobile game my child lebensborn had CSA warning,, ,

Please keep talking about this! Israel is raping Palestinian children in their hellish prisons.

hey um idk if you do requests but if so could you please do transpancsa (trans-pan-csa) where you identify as having experienced all types of csa thank you

Transpancsa

when someone identifies as having gone through all types of csa

I suddenly made a lot of connections in a very short amount of time so I'm here to tell you about it.

In Harry Potter, lycanthropy is a kind of metaphor for HIV/AIDS.

Fenrir Greyback gave it to Remus Lupin when Rem was FIVE.

We just completely overlook that Lupin wasn’t a ‘Casanova’, he was a CSA victim coping badly

Why can't I be happy? And why have all of my comfort characters been hurt so badly? Like, without fail. All of them.

apologies if this seems intrusive, but I couldn’t help but read that Cartman’s CSA trauma is canon in the show? forgive me, I’ve only watched a few really early season episodes spratically + the creek episodes + the movie, but I don’t think I’ve seen anything evidencing it?

in other words is it alright if I ask for what the evidence is? asking out curiously for cartman and genuine curiosity from not knowing

/nm/nf

All good 👍 and yeah there's a bunch of examples in the show, they never outright explicitly state that's what's happening, but there's subtext there.

TW for CSA ofc

Cow days (s2e13)

Cartman gets a concussion which causes him to believe he's a Vietnamese Prostitute, by the end of the episode when he's back to normal he says something about having a dream where he was a prostitute, rode a bull, and was "spanked by Leonardo DiCaprio" and when the boys tell him it really was a dream, a limo drives up and DiCaprio leans out and thanks him for last night

The Simpsons Already Did it (s6e7)

When Eric buys Sea People and finds out that when he combines semen with the seapeople it causes them to become civilized. (It's a lot to explain if you haven't seen it I know it's weird) So he goes to get more, and when he comes back with some he explains that some guy in an alley told him to "just close his eyes and suck it out of a hose"

Fat Butt and Pancake Head (s7e5)

Cartman's hand is out of control, pretending to be Jennifer Lopez i.e. Mitch Connor. When Ben Affleck, who's dating the real J-Lo sees "Jennifer Lopez" (Cartman's hand) he falls in love or whatever and they go on a date, which of course means Cartman is there. Affleck makes out with his hand, etc. and when Cartman wakes up the next morning Ben Affleck is naked in his bed.

Awesom-O (s8e5)

When Eric is disguised as a robot to get information from Butters his joke goes too far and they end up staying in Hollywood with Butters' aunt and uncle. While there, some movie execs see Awesom-O (Cartman) and think he'd be good at making movie ideas. But when they're at the studio and one of the execs gets Awesom-O alone in the room with him he asks if he's a "pleasure model" and unzips his pants, Eric runs out of the room in the next scene screaming "LAAAAAME! NOT COOL!!"

Some other small things:

• in s14e9 (It's a Jersey Thing) when Snooki gets to Eric

• s7e1 (Cancelled) when the aliens ask the boys to not tell anyone about what they did last night (drugs and sex w each other) Eric says he won't tell without hesitation. Stan looks horrified.

• S6e4 (Fun with Veal) when they go to wake up Eric he's dreaming and he says "no uncle, Jessie, no"

• In- I'm pretty sure -season one, when Eric mentioned his mother dressed him up in a mailman costume and made him dance while she had sex and did coke with some guy

• The fact that he tells the boys they're not supposed to call it a "penis" but it's supposed to be called a "fireman" and he literally and I quote says: "yes the fireman is very magical. If you rub his helmet he spits in your eye."

It's really fucking awful, and these aren't even all of the examples. A lot of fucked up shit has happened to that kid, there's a reason I say his trauma isn't made up lol

Erron black is my Roman empire

Ok, fam, we need to finally talk about this because I think about this a lot. I just Googled to see if anyone has talked about Erron's uncle, and all I really found was this one Reddit post. (I'm just copying/pasting the comment I left there.)

I've thought about this all far too much, and my belief is that his father was an absent deadbeat (in fact, I think he said he hadn't met him before killing him), and his mother sounds abusive.

His uncle, however, sounds the worst ("funny ain't the word for it")... I'm thinking one of those kinds of uncles. 😐 Possibly. Just my theory. But his father being an absent deadbeat and his mother being abusive is practically confirmed if you put together all of the various dialogue he's said about them, including that the woman in his family "taught (him) to fight back."

NRS will really give characters the most dark and interesting lore bits, and then keep them as jobbers.

dear ladies,

STOP GIVING OUT RANDOM NUMBERS

someone gave a grown ass man what she THOUGHT was a random phone number, but it belonged to my middle school aged sister.

It got nasty

STOP DOING THIS OR RECOMMENDING THAT WOMEN DO THIS. ITS NOT HELPFUL ITS DANGEROUS

Shareena didn’t need to be told that twice, bolting down the hall to go get a healer. The princess always thought it had been odd, how prone to danger their summoner was, but this had been the last thing she’d expected! What were they doing? What was so wrong with Mary’s psyche?

There was more bloody water than clear soaking the cobblestones, and saturating the large rug in the summoner’s room, and it ran redder still from the bathroom door...

Mary had made one stab wound in the center of her chest, just above her breasts, one in her abdomen, and she’d been slicing a wrist when she heard Ed’s voice. Of course he hadn’t said anything harsh to someone who’s psyche hadn’t been compromised, but Mary wasn’t one of those people. The proper word for Mary, according to people who had worked with her in the music scene back in her world, had been ‘disturbed’. Not that it wasn’t true, her ‘adoptive’ sold to father had absolutely ruined her, but it wasn’t like she’d ever had any psychiatric help for her CSA.

Back to the issue at present, Mary was startled when she heard Ed shouting for her to stop. Hearing his footsteps, she dropped the bloodied knife on the flooded floor beside her, the metallic clinking of the ladybug knife to the floor the only sound other than the rushing water, and his announcement that he was coming in. Mary turned, backing up into the other side of the tub as the door opened.

To say the sight before Ed was a sad one was an understatement; the small woman looked confused, and hurt and scared. Her chocolate waves were plastered to her small bosom due to being submerged, but the bleeding wound at the center was clear to see. Her normally gentle eyes were reddened and still filled with tears, blood still pooled from her abdominal wound. Mary was quick to shut her eyes and cover her head with her arms, one bleeding from the wrist, as she tried to make herself even smaller, reciting choked words she’d only said to ‘Papa’ before today.

“P-Please don’t hurt Mary, Mary’s sorry! Mary won’t be a bad girl anymore, please!! No more!!”

A Summoner’s Tale (closed FEH AU with traceofalchemy)

rxinbowtrxveler

No answer, just like Shareena has gotten. Now that Shareena was silent, however, the faintest sound of choking sobs and running water could be heard. The princess looked even more alarmed than she had when Ed had snapped at her for simply asking if he knew if Mary was alright. Hyper she may be, she wasn’t a complete fool. Something felt off about this whole situation, and that’s why she’d come to Ed; because the alchemist knew the summoner better than anyone in the Order, even if they’d known her longer.

“See?!” She hissed at him, presented with proof Mary wasn’t letting anyone in, and jiggling/pushing at the door to also prove that opening it by force had been impossible too. “She’s in there, and something’s wrong!!” Princess Shareena continued, giving him a glare. “It’s your job to ensure her safety! I wasn’t asking you for help because I just couldn’t find her! I asked you for help because I know something’s not right, and she could be in some kind of-!” She snapped, only to look down when she felt a stream of moisture at her feet to see red tinted water. The shocked girl looked up at Ed, finally understanding why Mary wouldn’t let anyone in.

“That…that’s blood…”

Ed continued to try the door even after he’d figured out that it wasn’t opening. He didn’t think he’d said something that harsh to her, he was just so upset with himself that he must’ve taken too much out on her. 

“Mary?” He called, knocking again louder. 

When Shareena looked down, so did he and he stared in horror at the bloody water spilling from under the door. 

“Mary!! Whatever you’re doing stop!!” He shouted, banging on the door in a panic. Not even a second later he’d shoved past Shareena and done exactly as he’d told her. He clapped his hands together and made another door into her room along the wall next to the other door. “Go get help.” Ed said back to the princess before stepping into the puddle of water in her room, “Mary? I’m coming in!”

A whole different side to Mary had seemed to come forth; that of a terrifed, disoriented little girl, perhaps no older than Nina Tucker had been when she was murdered. Her blue, bloodshot eyes watched Ed warily as he came in, shivering from coldness and trepidation, but the softness of the way he spoke seemed to calm her a little. At least, enough that she removed her arms from her head.

“W-why...? Why did Ed get mad? M-Mary was only trying to make sure Ed didn’t get hurt...it was an a-accident... Mary will be a good girl, p-promise...” she murmured softly, her voice a bit hoarse and shaky from her sobbing. It was like this frightened, confused child had replaced the Mary everyone knew and had taken over. This Mary thought Ed was still mad at her, that he’d abandon her. This was the Mary that had driven the ladybug knife into pale flesh, too scared to be left alone in a scary place. “Please, Mary doesn’t want to be alone...”

She didn’t flinch away when Ed reached in to lift her out of the bloody bathwater, however. Instead, she weakly reached out to him. All the little girl sat in Mary’s place right now seemed to want was reassurance and affection. To be held...

A Summoner’s Tale (closed FEH AU with traceofalchemy)

rxinbowtrxveler

Shareena didn’t need to be told that twice, bolting down the hall to go get a healer. The princess always thought it had been odd, how prone to danger their summoner was, but this had been the last thing she’d expected! What were they doing? What was so wrong with Mary’s psyche?

There was more bloody water than clear soaking the cobblestones, and saturating the large rug in the summoner’s room, and it ran redder still from the bathroom door…

Keep reading

Throughout his life he had seen many things that were disturbing, but stepping through the flood of bloody water in her room was definitely ranking as one of the most intense. 

Keep reading

To say her sleep was undisturbed would have been a lie; she felt big, bulky hands holding her down, the itchyness of rough skin over her own flesh, hot breath that stank of beer, beady eyes that looked down at her like she was something to eat...she could see herself in his eyes: smaller, younger, terrified. She could still feel the aches and pains, the fear, yet when she woke from fright...she instantly felt a sense of safety melt the terror of her nightmares away, and it took her time to realize why. Taking a deep, but shaky breath, she recognized this scent....

‘Ed?’

It was like she was being surrounded by that soothing, warm scent. Registering that, along with the warmth of soft sheets on her bare skin, the bandages... ‘oh, right. I had a meltdown’ she silently recalled, remembering how she’d plunged the knife into the center of her chest, her abdomen. Recalling how Ed called out to her, the feeling of being in his arms as he lifted her from the water, holding her as he tried to save her. The desperation in his voice... it was like a flood, and when she opened her eyes to see Ed sitting in a chair beside the bed, in clothes still stained with her blood....she recalled the last thing she’d said to him. It made her cheeks burn with shame, and her heart stop with fright as she sunk into the mattress further, as if to hide herself. Mary had actually given herself away, after she’d tried so hard to hide it from him, because of his love for Winry. She’d actually gone and done it....

He knew.

Now what was she gonna do?

A Summoner’s Tale (closed FEH AU with traceofalchemy)

rxinbowtrxveler

Blue eyes widened for a moment at what Ed said, not knowing for sure if he meant what she thought he might have meant. Nonetheless, it brought a wobbly smile to her lips, and she relaxed a little from his touch. Even if… even if Shareena didn’t make it in time, she was so happy she would get to spend what could be her last moments with the man she loved so dearly.

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After the whirlwind of everything that happened once the medic arrived and he was bombarded with questions, lectures, and they’d managed to patch Mary up, Ed was finally able to take a small breather.

Even with her being healed and cleaned up, he was still extremely worried and felt awful about what he’d done. Not even a hint of regret crossed his mind about what he’d done to seal her wound either. 

While he waited for any sign of her consciousness, he spent a while cleaning her room, and another long while waiting at the side of his bed where she laid. Eventually he started to doze off too, the events of the day so stressful and wearing that he was out like a light as soon as he closed his eyes. He slouched in his desk chair with his arms crossed, still wearing the same bloody clothes as before and snoring softly. Somehow he was even able to sleep through the visions and nightmares of bloody messes with Mary, Nina, his mother, and it seemed everyone else under the sun.