Borderline Fp - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

I wanted us to last.

I wanted to actually try and maybe even succeed.

I wanted to be with him.

I wanted to not be the only one who fell.

I'm still lost in the way his arms made me feel safe.

I wish he would hold me like that again and not let go this time.

Remembering doesn't bring comfort, it only brings confusion.

I actually didn't think about him today.

Which is funny and good I think.

But now that I do think about him again, I still miss him.

But it hurts less.

And I am less angry too.

It hurts.

It hurts so much.

I need someone, anyone, to love me.

Being unlovable hurts.

It's the pain of knowing that noone can ever love me the way I love them.

To love the way I do is to burn and scratch open my skin just to try and show you a part of me.

It's to always wait for something.

I try to fill the void he left with anything that could kill me.

I'll die before letting myself fall in love again.

I won't see them?

I won't get to meet them?

This was the only thing I've been living towards to, and now it will never happen?

I don't know what to do now.

I need them.

I need to hold and hug them, I need to see and feel them.

How can I keep going now?

I am always the second choice.

Always.

For ever everyone else will be chosen before me. Everyone else is better.

Why can't someone choose me?

Why doesn't anyone love me?

Someone please love me like I love them.

Please?

Will I ever be enough for you?

I'm sorry, I know I'm not good.

I know that, really, I do.

But please, just give me more time.

Please?

I can do better, just stay a little longer.

I promise I'll be better for you.

I'm sorry, please forgive me for being like this...

I'm getting tired of dying for you.

I can't stay up every night letting your sadness consume the both of us.

I will burn before I stop loving you but loving you can't mean destroying myself because of you.

Not even for you. Not even with passion or devotion.

Just destruction. Pure bloodshed for the sake of seeing it drip out of our bodies.

I don't know where to give all this love to.

I want to give it to someone special.

I want to give it up.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

I promise all I ever wanted is for you to be safe.

I'm sorry that this almost killed you.

I never ment for you to hate me.

It hurts.

It hurts so much.

I need someone, anyone, to love me.

Being unlovable hurts.

It's the pain of knowing that noone can ever love me the way I love them.

To love the way I do is to burn and scratch open my skin just to try and show you a part of me.

It's to always wait for something.

10/9/2024

--

Quick update on the tony crynight situation:

he saw my message and didn't respond. He left me on read.

He knows I'm trying to get his attention and he fucking ignored me. 

Welp, I guess I know now why he won't respond to me.

I want to fucking kill myself so bad rn, he wouldn't even care if I did anyway.

He's too busy giving those pathetic assholes he calls "fans" a lot more attention than me, when I was the one who made several discord servers dedicated to him, made countless pieces of fan art for him, HELL, I EVEN MADE A GOD DAMN SLIDESHOW PRESENTATION AND SHOWED IT TO MY SPEECH AND DEBATE CLASS BACK IN 2023.

And yet.. Despite all of my efforts, nothing...

He doesn't care about me at all, so what's the point in idolizing him anymore..?

I just hope I get groomed so that I can find someone else to get attached to instead...

I wish he actually liked me...