Lonliness - Tumblr Posts - Page 3
NO
I’m crying so hard.
I was desperate to hear him say this for years.
I can’t explain how I’m feeling, but I don’t feel good about any of it.
I hope he says something horrible tomorrow.
Old habits
I make it easy to hurt me. I make it even easier to excuse it.
Fun things
So last night when i was in that fuzzy spot between being awake and being asleep I called out for him.
I really miss sharing body heat.
Sometimes I feel so alone I wonder if there was truly a time when someone was here with me
alone.alone.alone. the more you see that word the harder it gets..
"In the silence of my room, the emptiness echoes louder than any words, a reminder of the connections that never were."
You are an idea; A coping mechanism which I am in love with.
I am not sorry.
- HB
I'm too scared to know you again.
I'm scared that if you meet me, you will destroy him.
You'll turn him to stone;
the version of you that lives in my mind still...
I avoid meeting your eye because I know
I just know
that you'll wrap your hands around my throat
just so he can't breathe anymore.
But I've kept him.
He's mine.
He's alive
and so am I.
I water his grave and sing him songs that you despise. I laugh at his jokes because you don't make them anymore.
You look at me like I'm dirt.
You once thought I was gold.
You and him are not the same.
What
happened
to
you?
- HB
When you’re just trying to enjoy a show and you get hit with some buzz words that you google and immediately regret . Loneliness is a bitch
Untitled sketchbook wandering - ballpoint pen
BY GB WANDERER
Lonely One - pencil on paper
GB WANDERER
I need to get this of my chest. My parents have had enough of listening to me saying the same shit over and over again.
I feel like nobody talks about this enough. I'm almost an adult yet I haven't experienced being desired by someone romantically. I naver hold hands kissed, texted with someone or even had a crush. I kinda accepted that theres a big chance of me being aromamtic but just because i am aro doesnt mean i want to be. Theres nothing wrong with being aro but I want to know how it feels. How its possible that one person makes someone so happy, I want to feel that. I want to be desired, to have someone that appriciates me and maybe an ego bust. Idk about being in a relationship but someone having a crush on me or smh. To confirm that Im lovable. Of course I'm still young and have plenty time to experience it but I feel like it will never happen. I want to feel wanted, to have someone that cherished me. To have a deeper connection. Maybe the issue lies in me being unlikeable? The last time I had someone I could call my best friend I was in primary school. I have friends, I'm just never their first option. We mostly see each other at school, but when we do go out I just know we don't click. I sit there all day waiting to go home. I feel very often sad and frustrated because of this. I'm not seeking a romantic relationship but a platonic one. Yet I'm still unsuccessful in finding both. People say that you find love when you dont try, it comes naturally. That I need to focus on myself but when I do this I only see my classmates and family so where would it even come from. I have a big problem with meeting new people. I don't know how to do it. For the past 3 years I have been working on myself. Since then I can actually talk to someone without stressing out and crying. I signed up for multiple events in my school just to meet new people and it never happens. I'm so lost, i dont know what to do. In primary school I felt fulfilled because I was around people I genuinely liked. They made me happy, my life didnt revolve around them but they were making my everyday life nicer. Still we werent that close and we lost contact. We dont call, meet, or even write to each other. Some of them met their current partners and just gave up on friends. People prioritising romantic relationships over platonic are shallow and fell victim of patriarchy. It seems like by society our only goal in life is to find a romantic partner, get married and have kids. Even if it's someone lgbt who cant have bio children, people still expect them to find their "other half", because it's "how life works". I feel like I'm never going to love anyone and nobody is going to love me. I have this one closer friend that always has my back just like I have theirs but they're always so busy with other people. It hurts honestly so much. Like half a year ago we went to see spiderverse since and I decided to be bold. I asked them If I could videocall them that night because I had so many thoughts after the movie. But they said that tonight they had already made plans with someone else. There's nothing wrong with it but at that moment it hit me. They're always doing something and I can never make plans with them because of it. I value them more then they value me. I'm not their first choice person. I was also restraining myself from becoming to close/depended on them because in the past being too clingy made me lose friends. So why everyone has someone close and I don't. Why I don't have someone I could do matching bracelets with or pfp. I'm a filler person. I here just because not bc anyone wants me. I want to make more irl friends but I don't know how. I know it's not my personality or looks but something is wrong with me. I think it's because I miss a lot of social clues but idk. I just want friends.
I see it differently but understand what you say.
sometimes i think about how constellations are an entirely man-made construct and don’t actually exhist inherently in nature. i mean, the universe just gave us stars, and we saw art and myths and stories in them. the capacity that humans have for seeing purpose in the incidental makes me realize just how lonely we are on this planet, desperately searching for meaning elsewhere in the universe.
There are other people like me out there. There is a karass. I know there is, there can be.
Among Others; Jo Walton
Being left alone —and I am being left alone— isn’t quite as much what I wanted as I thought. Is this how people become evil? I don’t want to be.
Among Others; Jo Walton
saying your names, richard siken / nice2knou, all time low / @pragmaticam / the loneliest sweet potato, sabrina benaim / invisible fish, joy harjo / lost in the supermarket, the clash / the glass essay, anne carson / you are jeff, richard siken / @retropopcult / hard feelings/loveless, lorde / the book of delights, ross gay / bag of bones, mitski / boot theory, richard siken / @oliverisokay / a supermarket in california, allen ginsberg / source unknown / cynicism at a supermarket, hedonic nihilist / punisher, phoebe bridgers / @suffer-rosa / @inthefields / grey tickles, black pressure, john grant / @elijahreblogs / @itsmieille / shopping for yesterday, adrian wait / @alexsiple / perfection, and this your living kiss / love in the supermarket, bardo / my north market, nate pentz / supermarket blues, bobby gross / loneliness in supermarkets, mateuš conrad / the raven cycle, maggie stiefvater
[ID: image 1: “I’m saying your name in the grocery store”
image 2: “We always say that we’ll keep in touch / Nobody does, but it don’t matter much / One last call at the corner store”
image 3: a comic panel of a woman dricing her car, saying “I’VE GOT A TANK FULL OF GAS AND A HEAD FULL OF DREAMS. TIME TO GO TO THE GROCERY STORE FOR NO REASON.”
image 4: “So, I’m at the grocery store because I feel sad.”
image 5: “Invisible fish swim this ghost ocean now described by waves of sand, by water-worn rock. Soon the fish will learn to walk. Then humans will come ashore and paint dreams on the dying stone. Then later, much later, the ocean floor will be punctuated by Chevy trucks, carrying the dreamers’ decendants, who are going to the store.”
image 6: “I’m all lost in the supermarket / I can no longer shop happily / I came in here for that special offer / A guaranteed personality”
image 7: “The shadowless light makes him look immortal,”
image 8: “After work you go to the grocery store to get some milk and a carton of / cigarettes. Where did you get those bruises? You don’t remember. / Work was boring. You find a jar of bruise cream and a can of stewed / tomatoes. Maybe a salad? Spinach, walnuts, blue cheese, apples, and / you can’t decide between the Extra Large or Jumbo black olives. Which / is bigger anyway? Extra Large has a blue label, Jumbo has a purple / label. Both cans cost $1.29. While you’re deciding, the afternoon light / is streaming through the windows behind the bank of checkout coun- / ters. Take the light inside you like a blessing, like a knee in the chest, / holding onto it and not letting it go. Now let it go.”
image 9: an image of a retro grocery store
image 10: “But I still remember everything / How we’d drift buying groceries, how you’d dance for me”
image 11: “I dreamed a few years back that I was in a supermarket checking out when I had the stark and luminous and devastating realization -in that clear way, not that oh yeah way- that my life would end. I wept in line watching people go by their carts, watching the cashier move items over the scanner, feeling such an absolute love for this life. And the mundane fact of buying groceries with other people whom I do not know, like all the banalities, would be no more so soon, or now. Good as now.”
image 12: “Fluorescent store lights, you shine through the night / Illuminate my pores, and you tear me apart / Mercy on me, would you please spare me tonight / I’m tired of this searching, would you let me let go”
image 13: “A man walks into a convenience store, still you, saying: / I only wanted something simple, something generic…”
image 14: a drawing of people walking around in a grocery store, pushing their carts
image 15: “In my hungry fatigue, and shopping for images, I went into the neon fruit supermarket, dreaming of your enumerations! / What peaches and what penumbras! Whole families shopping at night! Aisles full of husbands! Wives in the avocados, babies in the tomatoes!—and you, Garcia Lorca, what were you doing down by the watermelons?”
image 16: a picture of a empty grocery store, fluorescent lights reflecting on the tile floor
image 17: “I propose that we are all products in an / increasingly capitalistic market // No one wants you in the end”
image 18: “The drugstores are open all night / The only real reason I moved to the east side / I love a good place to hide in plain sight”
image 19: “Do sane people haunt the aisles of grocery stores in search of some sensibility?”
image 20: “Time does not exist inside of a supermarket. People walk in with lists and cravings and they’re out automatic”
image 21: a picture of a somewhat rundown grocery store
image 22: “I often stand and stare / At nothing in the grocery store / Because I do not know / What to buy to eat any more”
image 23: “You enter the same grocery store you’ve been going to for years. The layout is entirely different. You don’t recognize any of the employees. The only thing linking it to the previous times you’ve been here is the faded tile floor.”
image 24: a drawing of a supermarket, the view is from above, and you can see the aisles
image 25: “Busy crowds, lonly hearts, broken dreams / Shopping for yesterday. / Visiting the shared moments, / In all the familiar places / When shopping for yesterday.”
image 26: a drawing of an aisle in a grocery store
image 27: “Those nights in that in-between time / In in-between spaces, / Truck stops and 24-hour diners / From bygone eras and unforgiving lights all / Left up bright,”
image 28: “I could spend my life in the supermarket, going around the aisles / Walking among the plentiful and the abundant / Looking for things to help plug the holes inside, / Looking for something, hungry for something, I don’t know what / But something that probably can’t be found on shelves / Something that was maybe lost a long time ago.”
image 29: a picture of a grocery store at night, taken from outside
image 30: “I’m a lost child in the supermarket / Looking for my mom / I have no idea where to look”
image 31: “at the local (supermarket) - / and i can’t feel the bitter loneliness / while walking down an aisle / of ready-meals… // to be honest, walking in a graveyard / gives me a more cheerful aura / than walking in the supermarket…”
image 32: “but tonight, under the fluorescent lights of Dollar City,” /END ID]
