Webkinz - Tumblr Posts
RIP to Poptropica - I’ve lost hope that you will ever get your islands back (The *good* ones. The *hard* ones. The thought provoking and honestly devastatingly sad ones. Cryptid, Monster Carnival, Mystery Train, Game Show….Come back to meeeee)
RIP to Webkinz - I can’t keep buying new pets to keep playing the game if you NO LONGER SELL THE PETS (I’m not buting those frickin ugly new ones and I’m certainly not buying just the code; I want a physical lil fluffball to watch as their online persona absolutely destroys Smoothie Moves)
RIP to Club Penguin - New Club Penguin and Club Penguin Rewritten will never be the same (Also give me more PSA missions you cowards, I can take it!)
RIP to Pixie Hollow - I haven’t played you since I was 7 years old but then you died and it was awful
RIP to the games on the websites of Nick Jr., PBS Kids, and Disney - They did you so dirty, you used to be ten times the size you are now (Backyardigans Robin Hood the Clean and that one Electric Company game - I miss you)
RIP to Build-a-Bear - both the online virtual world game and the workshop (The stores have been devoid of life at *least* since Justice moved online)
RIP to Innerstar University and all of the good American Girl Doll games - I was so good at that cupcake baking job
RIP to my 2010s childhood, which died with the Adobe flash player and honestly way before that 😔
1 why is neopets trending 2 where are my webkinz enjoyers in this old internet pet pile
Someday someone is going to discover that my high school mascot was a tiger, play "Tiger, Tiger" (Webkinz, 2010) as a joke, and unexpectedly discover that I know all of the words
My Friend: *takes out phone and starts playing Pokemon Go*
Me: ah, so it is the time to play mobile games with our pet-like animal-ish friends
Me: *pulls out phone and opens Webkinz Classic*
I think about this every day
I have Webkinz Conspiracy theories and I’m about to make it your problem
So
Within the realm of Webkinz World conspiracies, there are two main categories: the capitalist degradation of Ganz morality, and the highly suspicious activity in Webkinz World itself.
In terms of Ganz, many of us experienced this hell bent spin into darkness in real time. It was always a bit capitalist trash—read, you have to buy a new plush every year—but where it really started to go south was the introduction of Deluxe. For those unfamiliar, Deluxe was a type of pet you could buy, and then pay a monthly fee to maintain your “Deluxe Account”. Deluxe came with benefits like extra gifts, some fun exclusive games, an exclusive chat room, nothing big. But then, it grew. Suddenly, a game that had been open to everyone for years was Deluxe only. Sending packages was a Deluxe only privilege. Throwing parties. Using chat rooms at all. Arcade games dropped like flies to the ever widening net of Deluxe. Only a few months later, the world is in lockdown, only available to the elite—the Deluxe. There’s separate grocery stores, and the regular W store is picked over to the bone. Only 3 arcade games available. No access to the newspaper. You can’t get certain jobs. You can’t GO TO SCHOOL. The only thing you can do, really, is go work in the mines for the curio shop. Margaret Thatcher laughs from her grave.
And surely, surely there is a light at the end of this tunnel, right? Surely someone has realized that Webkinz World is a ghost town because kids aren’t interested in being bogged down by bureaucratic impediments. Sort of. Ganz has made an app game. The Webkinz are 3D. Cute, right? WRONG. THEY ARE THE MOST TERRIFYING HELL BEASTS AND THEY HAUNT MY DREAMS.
Also the first one is free but the rest (surprise!) cost money. And what’s the benefit of having two or more pets? Well, each pet has their own “spark”, and you can combine sparks with another pet to create, I kid you not, a baby Webkinz.
So here we are. Capitalism has lead to Webkinz sex. I hope they’re happy.
NOW. IN WORLD. We have many wholesome characters, right? Arte Fact, Chef Gazpacho, Tabby von Meow, etc. but there are two that I’d like to talk about today: Dr. Quack and Ms. Birdy.
For years, these two have had seemingly no connection to one another. The newspapers start to report them hanging out. Sure. Then, Ms. Birdy’s look changes: maybe you remember. Now, in the W newspaper, she says in an interview that she’s just changed her hair, because a certain “old bird” likes it that way. Soon after, Ms. Birdy and Dr. Quack announce that they’re dating. (I’m not making this up, this was all in those newspapers we skipped over.)
Cute, right? WRONG. HIGHLY SUSPECT.
See, the thing about Ms. Birdy’s makeover is that it wasn’t just her hair that changed. It’s her ENTIRE FACIAL STRUCTURE. Most specifically, her beak. Previously, it had a distinctive penguin shape. After, it’s shaped like what? A DUCK.
That leads us to Dr. Quack’s “retirement”. If you log on today and slough through the ads, if you try to go to Dr. Quack’s office, it says “Dr. Quack has discovered a cure for all Webkinz ailments and has retired!” 1) What the hell. 2) WHY IS HIS CLINIC STILL THERE THEN, HM?
I believe that Dr. Quack had an obsession with Ms. Birdy and did some Frankenstein type shit to either entirely reconstruct her face OR got a duck from somewhere and fooled the rest of Webkinz World into thinking she was the same, murdering the true Ms. Birdy in the process. Now he can forever be with his lady love. But someone (my money’s on Quizzy) caught on, and exposed him for his crimes.
They shut down the clinic and either hid him away or executed him. I don’t know if Ms. Birdy still runs the adoption center, but in the app game, it’s an entirely new person, so she’s essentially disappeared, too. An imposter? A traumatized Ms. Birdy brainwashed by a man who took it too far?
And what is this cure for all webkinz? Seems like real convenient timing. All your Webkinz dying if you didn’t get a new one every year was essentially government mandated execution if you fell behind making your payments to upper ring. Were they also making the Webkinz sick? Did Dr. Quack release periodic viruses to maintain clientele, and now has released us all from our hostage diseases?
I don’t have answers to these. But I know that vaguely Scottish bastard is evil somehow. And we may never know the extent of his crimes.
In Webkinz world, the special item that comes with a Google (the Webkinz version of a platypus) is "Google's Scrying Pond." This implies that googles can see the future, which is totally on-brand for them. In this essay I will
I cannot be the only one in the whole world who is constantly thinking about the dog on the front of the tag
I have Webkinz Conspiracy theories and I’m about to make it your problem
So
Within the realm of Webkinz World conspiracies, there are two main categories: the capitalist degradation of Ganz morality, and the highly suspicious activity in Webkinz World itself.
In terms of Ganz, many of us experienced this hell bent spin into darkness in real time. It was always a bit capitalist trash—read, you have to buy a new plush every year—but where it really started to go south was the introduction of Deluxe. For those unfamiliar, Deluxe was a type of pet you could buy, and then pay a monthly fee to maintain your “Deluxe Account”. Deluxe came with benefits like extra gifts, some fun exclusive games, an exclusive chat room, nothing big. But then, it grew. Suddenly, a game that had been open to everyone for years was Deluxe only. Sending packages was a Deluxe only privilege. Throwing parties. Using chat rooms at all. Arcade games dropped like flies to the ever widening net of Deluxe. Only a few months later, the world is in lockdown, only available to the elite—the Deluxe. There’s separate grocery stores, and the regular W store is picked over to the bone. Only 3 arcade games available. No access to the newspaper. You can’t get certain jobs. You can’t GO TO SCHOOL. The only thing you can do, really, is go work in the mines for the curio shop. Margaret Thatcher laughs from her grave.
And surely, surely there is a light at the end of this tunnel, right? Surely someone has realized that Webkinz World is a ghost town because kids aren’t interested in being bogged down by bureaucratic impediments. Sort of. Ganz has made an app game. The Webkinz are 3D. Cute, right? WRONG. THEY ARE THE MOST TERRIFYING HELL BEASTS AND THEY HAUNT MY DREAMS.
Also the first one is free but the rest (surprise!) cost money. And what’s the benefit of having two or more pets? Well, each pet has their own “spark”, and you can combine sparks with another pet to create, I kid you not, a baby Webkinz.
So here we are. Capitalism has lead to Webkinz sex. I hope they’re happy.
NOW. IN WORLD. We have many wholesome characters, right? Arte Fact, Chef Gazpacho, Tabby von Meow, etc. but there are two that I’d like to talk about today: Dr. Quack and Ms. Birdy.
For years, these two have had seemingly no connection to one another. The newspapers start to report them hanging out. Sure. Then, Ms. Birdy’s look changes: maybe you remember. Now, in the W newspaper, she says in an interview that she’s just changed her hair, because a certain “old bird” likes it that way. Soon after, Ms. Birdy and Dr. Quack announce that they’re dating. (I’m not making this up, this was all in those newspapers we skipped over.)
Cute, right? WRONG. HIGHLY SUSPECT.
See, the thing about Ms. Birdy’s makeover is that it wasn’t just her hair that changed. It’s her ENTIRE FACIAL STRUCTURE. Most specifically, her beak. Previously, it had a distinctive penguin shape. After, it’s shaped like what? A DUCK.
That leads us to Dr. Quack’s “retirement”. If you log on today and slough through the ads, if you try to go to Dr. Quack’s office, it says “Dr. Quack has discovered a cure for all Webkinz ailments and has retired!” 1) What the hell. 2) WHY IS HIS CLINIC STILL THERE THEN, HM?
I believe that Dr. Quack had an obsession with Ms. Birdy and did some Frankenstein type shit to either entirely reconstruct her face OR got a duck from somewhere and fooled the rest of Webkinz World into thinking she was the same, murdering the true Ms. Birdy in the process. Now he can forever be with his lady love. But someone (my money’s on Quizzy) caught on, and exposed him for his crimes.
They shut down the clinic and either hid him away or executed him. I don’t know if Ms. Birdy still runs the adoption center, but in the app game, it’s an entirely new person, so she’s essentially disappeared, too. An imposter? A traumatized Ms. Birdy brainwashed by a man who took it too far?
And what is this cure for all webkinz? Seems like real convenient timing. All your Webkinz dying if you didn’t get a new one every year was essentially government mandated execution if you fell behind making your payments to upper ring. Were they also making the Webkinz sick? Did Dr. Quack release periodic viruses to maintain clientele, and now has released us all from our hostage diseases?
I don’t have answers to these. But I know that vaguely Scottish bastard is evil somehow. And we may never know the extent of his crimes.
Me: Going about my business.
My brain every so often:
The Wheel... of WOW!!!
Welcome to the Curio Shop. Hope you find what you’re looking for.
What's up gamers
welcome to my Webkinz Let’s Play,
Why is that actually such a good game? Like webkinz, papa's freezeria, and poptropica, were like peak
I've playing Papa's freezeria and I made Jay Ninja Walker my lil helper/driver
My Webkinz getting cozy.
-Amber (she/they/it/star/shine/rot)
⚠️Warning before interacting: this blog is not for minors even if it contains content like Webkinz. I am an autistic adult and games are my special interest. Minors do not interact.⚠️