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omg ana and mia coded ❤️💙
my poem about anorexia:
"ana"
my caved in chest
and chicken arms
my pencil thin legs
and all my scars
my hollowed out cheeks
the rituals begin
the bags under my sockets
the definition of my chin
the fatigue every morning
the dizzy every night
the hunger pain
and the shivers
triggering myself
ana is the boss
find a way to cope
weight loss
decreased testosterone
or the absence of your period
workout routines
food diaries
nausea
sudden death
making others worried
shortness of breath
constipation or diarrhea
cut out food groups
weigh in every day
osteoporosis
my hair falling out
lanugo on my skin
bruises on my legs
my collarbones thin
my spine visible
my sternum is too
my bicep non-existent
daydreaming about my meals
every calorie counting
working out for hours on end
stomach flat
unable to keep a friend
a kilo or a pound
obsessed with the numbers
check each ingredient
water instead of oil
unsweetened almond milk
or a rice cake
oatmeal
scared to attempt to bake
blueish fingers
yellow-tinted skin
anemia
distorted self-image
feeding all my friends
counting while I eat
portioning myself
starving is my treat
women
men
children
and teens
big
tall
short and small
haunted by her curse
"have you eaten today?"
"I'm worried about you"
"Do you want some food?"
"Eat a burger"
memorize the macros
"i am not a dog, food is not my treat"
cry yourself to sleep
"but I've seen you eat"
hours in mirrors
isolate from others
heart palpations
and restless nights
incurable thirst
intermittent fasting
binges or purges
all effects are lasting
normal on the outside
dying on the inside
questions from passersby
self-harm
"just one more hour"
"just one more meal"
"i already ate"
"it's not that big of a deal"
suicidal thoughts
being underweight
scared of being healthy
scared to get too sick
feeding tubes
hospitalization
thinking about food
hyperventilation
racing thoughts
loneliness
using laxatives
diets
going to the gym
going for a run
bodychecking
never having fun
infertility
cracked, dry skin
thin, brittle nails
weakened teeth
ruining my life
ruining my relationships
ruining my future
unable to eat a bag of chips
eating disorder speaks in my place
therapy
"just eat"
excuses for each meal
obsessed with my intake
obsessed with the math
obsessed with my weight
following this path
ice
water
gum
coffee
hoping that they notice
never tell a soul
hide it all from others
staring at my empty bowl
atypical or not
never feeling valid
covering my body
starving till I'm on my deathbed
recovery is useless
"i want to stay this way"
I'll have to fight my whole life
to keep her voice at bay
searches on the Internet
headaches
vitamin deficient
aspartame
comparison
"no cal is better than low cal"
refeeding syndrome
"I'm not good enough"
"once on the lips forever on the hips"
quick ways to lose weight
calculate my BMI
freak out about what I just ate
hide my secret
hide my body
keep on the low
ana,
till I'm skin and bone
oh how she will lie
she doesn't want you to just be a number
she wants you to die.
-zsc
My body before and after, the fatter and grosser pic is from November (yuck)
Pretty girls, pretty bones, pretty sk1nny girls (^w^)
Thin little blondies
It might take a while but if they can you can too
OH MY FUCKING GOOOOODDDDD
I'm losing my mind over here!!
HELLO?!
I feel so so gross
Every time I eat it hurts.
Like it hurts way more than a period cramp.
It hurts way way wayyy more than beaing hungry.
Like I'm not just talking mental pain this shi is physical I know I should see a specialist because this is not normal but it's motivating.
XP
Does anyone else just it in their bed all day, eat cookies and candy then go throw up just to start over again?
Just me?
I have gained so much weight I'm seriously gonna kms, and the worst part is that I don't know what I'm doing differently! Like is it that im eating breakfast? Or wth like I'm sorry that I want to be able to like survive school.
I'm so fat 😭
can someone sew my mouth shut so I can finally stop eating?? I'M BEGGING
Lunch: Glass noodles with tofu approximately 295 calories