Audhd - Tumblr Posts

My partner introduced me to the Palia game and I cannot stop binge-playing...

....

It is a

PROBLEM

Doesn't eat or drink water for an extended period of time:

Why do I feel like DEATH

Credit: Sarah Andersen - Sarah Scribbles

Spliced Meme

The AC itself is fixed!!

... but our thermostat is also shot and needs replacing. Thankfully that's relatively easy compared to the motor.

Finally my arctic habitat is returning to normal.

Husband and I have been afflicted by... something??? Awful.

Both of us are in horrendous stomach/abdominal pain. We're probably going to emergency here soon.

I'd rather be having contractions during labor vs what is hitting me now.

We both took the last two hydros from my old postpartum meds. For him it did nothing and for me it only took the edge off barely for maybe an hour before coming right back and knocking me out it got so bad.

Husband is someone who sorta goes by something similar to the farmer pain scale. If he's hurting, it's severe. Last time he was actually incapacitated, it was his first ever severe case of shingles.

He went to the hospital, and was on pain medication for a month or more. Which, if you knew him, you'd go "oh shit", cuz this man simply, powers through everything else below the severe category.

My only concern whenever needing the er for pain relief is their hoops to jump through. I'm autistic-adhd and do not display my pain like they expect.

My 6-10 and upwards on the pain scale is me internalizing it, shutting down, going non-verbal. I appear calm and collected which always makes them doubt the sincerity/severity of the pain level.

Hopefully with my husband and I both going in, he's verbal, we can get some relief. (Vent - Which is really irritating with doctors because last time I went nonverbal, I was still able to write it all down and the doctor refused to even look at the paper. So we fucking sat in silence until I choked out like 3 words and she based her entire limited understanding of my issues based on that. Not. You know. The extremely detailed notecard I brought in as a communication aid.)

I really wish doctors would see someone who's nonverbal from pain, unable to even hold focus/gaze, and general inability to interact as someone who hmmm might need help vs "I'm frustrated and flabbergasted that I can't easily checkmark boxes and send you on your way easy peasy" reaction a lot of doctors give in the city closest to us.

The moment they can't cure you from their pamplet checklist and get that pat on their back for doing a doctoring, they're fed up with you and instead make it your fault for being 'difficult'. (Sorry, vent because I just hate needing to go to the doctor for pain like this.)

The pain is creeping up into my chest now so I'm going to rest. We're waiting on a friend to come over to stay with our littles so we can go.

Wish us luck. 🤞🏻

I hate losing friends..... especially people who have been close in my life for like 9 years?

I slowly stopped masking around her and that went okay mostly... but then had a pretty rough chat about AuDHD and she just.... was so closed off after that....

How can people just.... do that? Be friends with someone then... drop them like they're nothing when finding out about disability. She barely understood me talking about pots... apparently drawing the absolute line at neurodivergence.....

I'm really depressed about it. Especially since our youngest kids grew up together since a couple months old.

It really makes me want to isolate. My adult friend group is dwindling and it's really difficult for me to make new friends at this age.... I know that sounds pathetic. I feel pathetic..

The friend finally randomly replied.... with the typical conversation occurring of

Me: *reaches out*

Her: *leaves on read for a few days then replies* I was distant because I thought you should reflect on your actions.

Me: What actions??

Her: The fact you dont even know is why I distanced.

Me: I'm sorry. You didnt tell me something upset you so how would I know? People dont always know something they do or say upsets you. Thats something you have to communicate so we can clear the air/work on it.

Her: Here we are again with you simply not knowing youre wrong. It's all here in our chat.

Me: You. Didnt. Tell. Me. But also it's in the chat? You mean the chat where I told you that you upset me with how you spoke to me? The chat where I bared my heart and mind about having pots and being neurodivergent? About how you treated my medical issues and mental struggles as character flaws instead of what they are, medical conditions? How you spoke to me in a very ableist manner repeatedly when I tried in vain to explain that I wasnt blowing you off xyz times because I didnt care but that because I was having flare ups in symptoms? THAT chat? Because you getting upset that I was honest with you about how you made me feel and why is your problem not mine.

You being a neurotypical, indirect, ableist, holier than thou, MEANIE, is your problem not mine. I was sitting here grieving the loss of a long-time friendship for 2 months because you couldn't be bothered to communicate with me like an adult. I literally do not understand people. I dont understand how you think the way you're treating me is totally okay. I was depressed as fuck but now I'm just more hurt and angry.

Angry that you refuse to accept that someone you were friends with for years decided to confide in you that they were autistic+adhd+pots. Officially verbalizing it. To you. And you just.... shut me out like I was trash. How fucking dare you. How absolutely fucking dare you.

I'm heartbroken, still. Which you don't deserve. I'll miss you terribly. Which you dont deserve. My kids will miss your kids, which is depressing for them as I have a total of 3 mom friends with kiddos their age which is now only 2 I guess. (Not including my new tumblr mom bestie who we havent actually chatted chatted cuz, I'm shy as fuck in the beginning of friendships. But I digress.)

I just.... I'm so hurt. I am so hurt. She doesn't.... even understand how hurtful she is and that's worse. Fucking ironic considering I communicate with her clearly about what upsets me and why and yet it simply doesnt sink in what I'm saying. She simply COULDNT be the reason I'm upset and hurt.

I can't even think anymore right now. This is too much. Honestly I was starting to accept the no contact and her replying with more ableist shit just reopened the wound.

Well that friend and I are officially over with. She successfully got me to be the one to end it. So she doesn't feel in the wrong.

I'm over it. I'm over being on the recieving end of purposeful miscommunication. I'm done feeling like my pots and audhd are character flaws.

I'm done BEGGING to be spoken with clearly and effectively whenever there's been a tiff. I'm just done. I'm done. I wish you and your family the best. But we cannot be friends anymore.

I'm going to grieve for a while, for sure. But. It has to be done for my peace. (And clearly for yours too)

My kids are still young enough that they'll get over the loss of friendship with your kids pretty quickly. For that I am thankful.

I just want peace and respect from my future friendships to come. As I'm still hopeful there are more to come.

You're never to old to lose a friend. You're also never to old to make new ones either. Despite how it feels or seems sometimes.

I'm....... very hesitantly optimistic....

My mother and I had a surprisingly open conversation about my eldest being autistic, me being audhd, and basically the entire family being autistic/adhd/both. (Touched base on pots again too)

This coming from the woman who prior to this chat, habitually rejected such things/diagnosis. Who would get manic and mean about her thoughts and frustrations with ND folks, especially family. (Unless it was her own offspring. In which case we weren't ND we were just 'hella weird' and needed correcting/shamed to become 'normal'.)

Even going so far as to suggest the entire family should get together for an important meeting. To hash things out. From childhood to present day.

While this all sounds amazing.... I am so scared to believe that this is genuine. I'm scared to believe she suddenly very recently turned her whole belief/attitude around and is trying to have the entire family make amends.

She hurt me so deeply, especially within the last 5 years. She broke my trust, and our entire relationship. I've been distant but polite these last few years. Unable to work myself up to confronting her about the hurt, and what she has said behind my back to other family members.

I don't know what to expect with this family meeting scheduled for sometime in the coming months..... but I have a gut feeling this big conversation is going to drastically change the dynamic of the entire family and I'm unsure if it'll be for the better or not.

I know damn well feelings are going to get hurt.... because raw emotions are going to burst forth from at least half of us. This chat has been a long time coming. I'm just anxiously awaiting to find out the intention behind her change. The intention behind this suggestion.

I want to believe she has changed for the better. So bad. But last time I thought that, I was stabbed in the back and couldn't trust a 2nd time. I just couldn't. So we will see what all happens. It'll probably be when we all meet for the holidays tbh.

Vent

We have someone coming to look at the house tomorrow and preparing for it is a stark reminder that I'm not able bodied and haven't been for years.

It wouldn't be as stressful had I been able to work on stuff the whole weekend. But my new meds basically made me comatose the entire weekend from how sick they made me so nothing got done. At all.

Stuff that ableds can easily maintain, are things that I'm festering in. Our dishwasher broke, and with my husband working himself to death and my pots and audhd and tbd fibro, I just can't. I can't keep up.

We just threw away so many dishes because they weren't salvageable. I just filled the bathtub with dishes that were, to soak and scrub later this morning. My entire body is screaming in pain from scrubbing one stack of plates. One. Stack. Of plates. That's like, maybe a dozen?

My hands are cramping up and soon I won't be able to use them for a bit until they unlock. My entire back/shoulders are locking up as I speak.

I hate this. I fucking hate this. We even use disposable a lot but there are times disposable is too flimsy for the meal we have. Or it requires bowls that are sturdy.

I am getting laundry put away, but immediately refilling the baskets with the dirty. The washing machines are going nonstop. But sitting and folding hurts my entire body so much. Hands and back/shoulders mostly.

If we could afford a weekly cleaner/some laundry help we would. In a heartbeat. But we can't. We aren't even paycheck to paycheck. We're always having to shift stuff around and with the year we've had? Big ticket items of the house breaking and multiple illnesses on top of chronic illness.... we just can't.....

I hate it so much.... we need help. But there is no help right now.

This is why awareness is so important

reading the symptoms of autism as a now grown adult after being bullied for no explainable reason all your life

me when the disability disables me: oh what the fuck? this sucks. what the hell man!

Does anyone else remember something then have to figure out if it's a memory,dream, reality, something from 7 years ago or something I made up?

Is this a typical ND thing??

Since the Paralympics are happening and I’m seeing all sorts of people saying “See? This person doesn’t let their disability stop them!”

I would like you to remember that Paralympions are OLYMPIC LEVEL ATHLETES.

How would it feel if I compared your output to that of a literal olympic athlete and used that to justify not helping you or giving you what you need?

Oh, well Michael Phelps and Simone Biles can do it - why can’t you?

Thats how you sound.

PDA autistic culture is hating the demand that comes with labels so much that you don’t even like identifying as agender because it still feels like…a gender (a concept which society forcefully imposed on you, and you therefore want no part of)

GUYS AUTISM SPEAKS IS SHIT BUT IM DUMB

guys I need help I need sources, reasons, explanations specifically on why autism speaks bad please help me I’m lazy and don’t know what to look for

I have been so cooked for this man lately that I need to talk about him— I genuinely think that with a ADHD/autism/AuDHD partner Ford takes notes on your stims and quirks, even before any serious relationship. Just little things like “waves hands when excited :)” and “prefers baggy sweaters” just like a little way of understanding you better 🥺💖

yesss definitely! as an AuDHDer who stims a lot myself, this is everything!! jfskhfshsk

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"Aaaahhhhh oh myy-" the rest of what you were saying was incomprehensible because the words slurred together in an excited squeal. A gleeful expression upon your face, you waved and shook your hands in front of your body, then pressed them over your mouth, to stifle another squeal.

Ford smiled to himself as he watched you from the other side of the room, where he propped his notebook open to scribble something down.

"Heeyyyyy Grunkle Ford, watcha got there?" Mabel's voice rang out right beside him.

He snapped the book shut and whipped his head around.

"Mabel!"

"Waves hands when excited." she cited what she had just read, "Were you talking about-"

"No, I was certainly not!" Ford said, while his cheeks started to turn a deep red colour.

"Are you suuuure? Because to me it looks like you diiiid." she said, a cheeky grin on her face and dragging some of the vowels.

"You are mistaken, dear child. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got work to do." he excused himself and stood up, holding the notebook close to him.

Without letting her get another word in, he moved past her and made his way into his study.

There, he propped open the notebook to the page he'd just added a new note onto.

- likes to hum when no one is around - seems to prefer more loose fitting clothes. possibly because the don't restrict movement as much - will subconsciously play and fidget with any jewellery they're wearing - sorts and eats their food in a particular order - would rather not eat at all than something not appealing - skin irritating clothing causes great discomfort. remove tags!! - wants to talk but holds back. encouraging them has positive effect - avoids eye contact but will look at faces when the person isn't looking at them - do not touch without warning and do not force contact! expressed great discomfort to me after being forced to physical contact by someone else - repeating phrases and noises (quite endearing) - easily startled by sudden and loud noises, as well as irritated by high pitched ones, almost too quite to hear - shows behaviours similar to felines. has stated that they would be delighted to posses the ability to purr (he would be delighted too)

Ford smiled as he looked up and leaned back. He really hoped Mabel hadn't seen too much, otherwise she might figure out how interested in you he really was. And we wasn't sure if he was ready for that.

For now he would be very much content continuing to dreamily gaze over at you and notice all the little things, so he could understand you better.

Maybe one day he could work up the courage to ask you out.

-------------------------------------------------- thank you for reading <3 reblogs are appreciated

I just so tired of living with this constant feeling of burn out while everyone wants something from me all the time I can rarely unmask and be myself even at home and I feel like I'm going to collapse at any given moment. I want to scream and punch the wall and I wish I could cry my heart out but i can't I'm to broken inside to cry anymore. Fuck this society that makes Nerodivergent people feel like shit for just existing

REALLLL

graph of what being hungry is like with adhd