Helpless - Tumblr Posts - Page 3
When have I ever been first?
A question for the ages.
As a tot in my mothers arms,
I was still only second
To the plants she kept on the sill,
And as I grew I became second
To various things more;
To the state of the house,
To income and money,
To my older, healthier sister,
To my father and his "quirks".
No room to call my own,
No privacy to speak of,
No emotions allowed past curfew.
I thought that maybe,
When I'm out,
It'll be over,
But it only gets worse.
My health is secondary
To various whims,
My sleep is secondary
To deafening hymns,
My suffering is secondary
To what's displayed on the screen,
And no emotions allowed past curfew.
Sure, I am primary for myself.
This would be nice, if not for
How Ill I am,
And the fact that i cannot
Prioritize myself, since i cannot
Do everything myself,
And so I'm dependent
On being the top priority
Of external persons
Who never prioritized me once.
Of those who walk past me,
Often looking through.
“Boy, you got me helpless! Look into your eyes, and the sky’s the limit!”
Bad quality I sowwy
So I was inspired by this promt. I think it turned out alright, lemme know of y’all want more or not because I kind of like it?
Nothing truly mattered, that’s what they all had wrong. The hero’s, the civilians, even a few crazy villains. Each and everyone of them beloved that the world was made of different layers and every single thing they did mattered. They do bad things just to be remembered, and good things just to feel like they are better. It’s all wrong.
Tomorrow there will be nothing left of this place. In a few days the whole world will cease to exist. The only thing I regret is that I won’t be able to see it afterwords.
“Where is he”
“You’re too late, now please don’t try and force my hand,” my chest heaved as I sighed. Anticipating the hero moving towards me I quickly drew my leg up, skid to the side and jutted my leg back out into the hero’s side.
“I didn’t come alone.”
Suddenly my entire body lurched forward as the newest addition to this wild spat delivered their entering blow. Throwing my hands out in front of me I landed only to jump back up again. Looking behind me the first now stood with the second, looking like a chihuahua-bulldog duo. As my breathing evened I slowly stretched my hands out preparing for them to jump out so as to clap them with lightning. Only to be stopped as a dull pain entered my abdomen. My legs stuttered behind me as I looked down. A knife. A knife has put me on my knees. Damn now they have tested my limits.
“I could burn this city down and put you in the ground,” Pulling the knife out of my abdomen I held in tightly in my grasp as I slowly turned towards them. “Don’t. Fucking. Test. Me.”
“Oh yeah, I’ll have you back on your knees in a second, I’m sure it’ll feel better then when your lovely little villain does it,” bulldog looking hero teased as they cocked their head to the side, “was it their promise of nothingness, or the fact that they tied you to a bed that caused you to join their side?”
“You. Don’t. Know. ANYTHING!” Screaming I launched toward them swinging the blade towards their head only to have my arm pulled back by the first. Swiveling as I seethed. I lurched my arm out of their grasp throwing it back down right into their neck, watching as they looked at me with fear in their eyes.
“I said don’t test me, maybe you should have listened.”
Catch 22
"You can't find a decent paying job with your degree? I fucking told you not to go to university."
"You don't actually look though, you just pretend. You think Im stupid and will fall for your bullshit."
"I'm not like your parents and everyone else that fall for your sob stories. You're just fucking lazy."
"I told you to go into nursing. Why don't you ever fucking listen?!"
"Your degree is a joke. You told me when we met you wanted to go to law school. You mislead me."
"No you can't go back to school. You wasted enough of my fucking time."
“FIND A DECENT FUCKING JOB YOU USELESS CUNT!!!”
Choked
It occurred to me recently that if I was still with him I would never have been able to take this job.
I work weekends and incredibly long hours some days. It's not a dream job or the end game, but it is definitely a very useful stepping stone.
He would not have cared about that. He would have looked at the hours and told me I couldn't take it. Then he would have scolded me for not progressing.
He wanted the tree to blossom but kept poisoning the roots.
Februwhump Day 1: Helpless
Fandom: Star Wars Rebels
Summary: Kanan opens up about 66.
It was time. Kanan had never told anyone about order 66. He sat down with Hera and sighed. "Hey love, how are you doing?"
Kanan didn't answer. He looked at her.
"I know today is hard on you. Just let me know if you need anything." She stood, assuming like every year, he wanted to be alone.
"I felt helpless." He spoke. "I was helpless."
Hera turned around and sat back down in the pilot's chair. She watched Kanan as he shifted, trying to make himself more comfortable.
"When they killed my master, I had been walking with a few clones. The group was called the bad batch. They had some genetic mutations. That's probably what saved me." Tears already threatened to spill from his eyes.
"I heard shots. I turned around and the men were trying to kill her. I- I ran. She told me to. It was the last thing she ever said. The bad batch had ignored the order, other than one. They let me go."
The Jedi looked up at Hera for the first time since he started talking. "I was helpless. From then until I met you, I felt so helpless. It was like I couldn't get control of my own life. Rather it was the alcohol or the memories, I just couldn't."
The pilot grabbed Kanan's hand gently. "It's okay."
"I've only felt that helpless a few times. I watched her die Hera. I couldn't save her. I felt that way when Ezra fell back when the Grand Inquisitor died. I thought-" his voice broke. "I can't do that again."
Tears fell down his face. Hera pulled him into a hug. They stayed there for a minute before Kanan pulled back. "I feel helpless to fate."
"It's going to be okay."
"Okay."
Febuwhump Master List!!
So I am so very late but oh well right? Anyway it was a lot of fun and I definitely look forward to next year! Febuwhump is one of my favorite Promt challenges!
Each fandom has a color which will be listed below! My favorites have a star beside them! All summaries/warnings are with the story!
Star Wars Rebels, EPIC the musical/the Odyssey, The Bad Batch, Star Wars The Clone Wars, Miraculous Ladybug,
Day 1: Helpless
Day 2: "I Love You" (Alt Prompt 2)
Day 3: "Bite Down on This"
Day 4: Obedience
Day 5: Last Words (Alt Prompt 7)
Day 6: "You Lied to Me."
Day 7: Suffering in Silence
Day 8: "Why Won't it Stop?"
Day 9: Bees
Day 10: Killing in Self Defense
Day 11: Time Loop
I keep asking myself, when did I take a wrong turn? When did I become who I am?
I grew up in a good family, I was brought up independently and could always count on my family. I have both feet on the ground and don't have to be afraid of the future.
But what went wrong?
When did I start struggling so much to pretend to be strong in front of my friends and family, when all I'm doing is breaking inside?
I don't know what I've done and why I'm no longer allowed happiness and contentment.
Where did we go wrong?
How could I hate you for making me feel what I've always wanted. Even if it was not permanent and I now only consist of shards.
I don't know what you took from me when you disappeared from my life for no reason.
Since then, I feel an emptiness in me that gets bigger with every day and every breath.
When there was a We, you made me complete, I have never felt so strong and happy. And now I only consist of a pile full of rubble and ash that can no longer be repaired..
Until it ends, there is no end
I don‘t know what went wrong with me a few years ago. But since then I feel a neverending emptiness in my heart.
After surviving year for year and beeing on the right way to focus on myself and get a litte bit happier and confidence with the emptiness, you came into my life.
You fixed all in me which was broken in the past and you had teared down the walls I had built up to protect myself. It was okay for me, you have showed me how beautiful the life can be with someone who is loving you.
But after I found myself again, you left without a reason. You forgot about me and immediately looked for someone new.
You left an even bigger emptiness inside me that can never be filled again. You made me more broken than I could ever have imagined.
But I have no choice, I have to move on and I am afraid I‘ll never be happy again.
You healed me, you showed me how beautiful this cruel world can be. You made me wake up every day with a smile and a warmth I had never felt before.
And then you let me fall, because of you every day what little is left in me dies.
I just feel empty, hurt and lonely.
Every breath is agony and tears me apart piece by piece.
I wish every day that you would come back to me. Even though I know that will never happen.
And even if you did, I would look you in the eye and feel the loneliness and the pain you have caused me.
And even though you took everything in my life, I still love you for all my life. 💔
